To Break a Heart of Glass
by Margo'sShed
Summary: A Love Story. Connie is left broken after a violent sexual attack at the hospital. Max takes it upon himself to find out who the attacker was, and to help her remember what happened so that she can finally move on... (CONTAINS SCENES OF GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND SCENES OF SEX)
1. Chapter 1

_**To Break a Heart of Glass**_

"Connie Beauchamp, 46 years old, trauma to the head and left eye socket, possible internal injuries, there's bleeding and bruising around the inner thighs. She has yet to regain consciousness."

Zoe pushed her full weight against the bed, pushing it hard so that it rumbled through the double doors of RESUS on unwieldy wheels. Dr Knight, Tess and Charlie followed behind her whilst Max walked ahead, one hand loosely gripping the metal bed guard.

"Zoe?"

Charlie spoke quietly, standing behind her as she put the breaks on the bed and stepped back, slipping her stethoscope from about her neck and pushing it into her ears, leaning over Connie who lay slack against the sheets, her head lolled to one side, her eyes showed white as they rolled back in their sockets.

"What happened?"

He whispered, dipping his head to murmur his words, placing a hand on the back of his neck.

Zoe paused, waiting whilst Dr Knight checked Connie's eyes with the light that he held.

"No idea."

She answered quickly, watching Cal, her forehead creased with a frown that throbbed in her temples.

"Max found her in her office."

She said, gesturing to Max with a quick glance.

"Judging by the injuries I'd say we're looking at a possible rape."

Tess spoke from the other side of the bed, her voice low, her face pale.

Zoe nodded briefly, pursing her lips.

"Fuck..."

Cal whispered before he had a chance to stop himself. He cleared his throat and placed the light back on the trolley behind himself.

"Sorry."

He murmured.

Zoe looked to Max, his lips were grey and his hand trembled on the metal of the bed guard.

"Max?"

She pushed the ear pieces of her stethoscope into her ears and placed the cool pad against Connie's chest, her shirt torn, only the very last button holding the folds of bloodied fabric together at the bottom where it bunched about the waistband of her skirt.

"Max..."

She said again once she'd listened to the steady beat of Connie's heart.

"Sorry, what?"

Max looked at her, his eyes, which hadn't left Connie since he had found her, swivelled and looked up. He swallowed, an overwhelming feeling of light headed nausea welling at the back of his head.

"Any ideas?"

She asked, placing her stethoscope back about her neck.

For a moment he looked as though he hadn't quite understood what it was that she had said, but then he shook his head ever so slightly.

"I just heard her scream...I went in...someone ran passed me...I just found her..."

He paused and swallowed, wincing at how dry his throat had become.

"Like that."

He looked to Connie again, her lips were tinged with blue and her eye was beginning to swell and bruise a brilliant violet. Her tights were ripped from her legs and her skirt, which had been pushed up about her waist had been haphazardly tugged down to conceal her modesty, but still there was the blood...the skin of her thighs so pale against the gleaming scarlet blood that dribbled down them, staining the sheets beneath her.

"Max..."

Tess placed a hand upon his shoulder and he turned to her as though he were in a dream.

"You're in shock. Let me take you to the staff room..."

"No, I want to stay with her."

He said quickly, tightening his grip on the bed.

"Mate, there's really nothing you can do."

Cal said quietly, watching as Zoe began cutting the fabric of Connie's skirt to inspect the extent of her injuries.

Tess placed a soft warm hand upon his own.

"We'll let you know she's ok."

She said quietly, squeezing his fingers and placing her other hand at the small of his back, pressing gently, silently pushing him towards the door. He let go of the bed, letting his fingers slip slowly from it leaving white streaks of sweat on the metal that dispersed almost immediately.

"Charlie, could you and Dr Knight take Max and give him the once over please, I need Tess to stay."

Zoe said quietly, pausing in her actions as she caught sight of what she had been expecting to see.

"And a privacy screen please, Charlie..."

She added.

**A new idea for a Connie/Max story. Will continue if requested and enjoyed :) More soon! x**


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark, the night sky was ablaze with the New York hum of traffic, of the squeal of breaks, the crunch of tyres and above the stars rained down in a flurry of white snow that never seemed to settle.

'Café_ Lola' _the sign illuminated next to the side walk above the entrance, a door which thrummed open and closed more times in the past fifteen minutes than she had cared to count.

The café was nestled into the ground floor of a looming brownstone, with black iron railings that flanked it and olive trees either side of the steps to it's door.

The railings were decorated, threaded through with strings of bright white fairy lights that twinkled, blurred and pix-elated against the damp air.

'Café_ Lola'..._The distant hum of that neon pink sign...

And there she was, on the pavement in front of the café. There seemed to be a hundred of them all on one street but this was the only one where he had seen fit to take her. Their coffee tasted of somewhere far away, served with an little brown biscuit with a cracked surface that tasted of hot ginger and melted in the mouth before you could chew.

She stood, her hands in her pockets, blindly counting the change that nestled there. Her hair was wet from the snow, in her haste she had forgotten her winter coat, the one with the hood, the one that he had bought her from the Armani fall collection.

She licked her lips, they were cold, and try as she might she was unable to keep her teeth from clattering together at the back of her mouth, the sound of it inside her ears, and her knee caps shivered beneath the sheer fabric of her trousers.

She coughed, barely heard in amongst the footsteps of passers by. Her throat hurt and she vaguely wondered if she was coming down with something. There was the bleeping of something, perhaps her phone? And the rattle of the subway in the near distance.

She glanced up, squinting against the snow, peering through it to the clock that hung against the side of the bank opposite. It's face like the moon, silver and illuminated, it's black hands ticking down the moments...

He was la...

Connie opened her eyes. And for a moment she could see nothing, just the bright white light above her. She squeezed her eyes closed. She was laying flat she realised. She swallowed and opened her eyes again, if she squinted against the glare she could see the round grey hull of the bulbs within the lights – they looked familiar.

She turned her head and the room turned with her, she saw the heart monitor, the green lines beating out a rhythm, the doors behind it, the darkness beyond.

The hospital. She opened her eyes wider, she was in the hospital. She looked again to the heart monitor at her side, followed its lead, the heart beat drawn upon the little black screen was her own. She raised up her left hand, her skin was puckered and paper-white and where the line was pushed into her vein there was a heart shaped bloom of purplish-green.

Her head felt heavy against the pillow, her hair tickled her forehead and she raised a hand slowly to swipe it away, her fingers brushing against gauze. She let her fingertips linger, counting...one, two...fourteen strips of gauze over fourteen stitches running from her eyebrow up into her hairline. She frowned and felt the stitches pull.

She coughed and the sound of it was so loud that she jumped, could feel her skin tingle and prickle with the sudden realisation that she was here, in a hospital bed, and she had no recollection of why she was here.

She pulled herself up into a sitting position, closing her eyes whilst she moved to avoid the tilt and roll of the room within her head.

Sitting up she opened her eyes again. She was on her own, but in the distance she could hear the noise of the hospital beyond. The bleeping, the footsteps, the rattle of a trolley...

She turned her head to the doors again, her eyes straining to focus against the light. She blinked and a shadow moved against the glass, just the flicker of a face, the tail of a coat, and the shadow was gone.

She swallowed again, her throat hurt and she wondered briefly if she had had to have a tube put there.

Another movement at the door caught her eye, and with the slow motion blur of a dream the door was pushed open and Tess was before her, her hand reaching for her, her fingers touching her hair, her arm, lowering herself to her level, looking into her face with expectant eyes. Had she said something? She cleared her throat, forced herself to focus her gaze.

"Connie?"

Tess's voice came and all at once she was there, back in the room. She leant backwards slightly so that she could see her properly.

"Connie?"

She asked again.

"I'm..."

Connie paused, unsure of what to say.

"Connie, do you know why you're here?"

A different voice this time and she turned, Zoe...she hadn't seen her enter...

"Can you hear me?"

Zoe asked, placing a hand against her forehead and shining a light into her eyes without warning, making her flinch back,her hand raised to her face.

"Yes, I can hear you."

She spoke but her voice was hoarse and little more than a whisper. She cleared her throat.

"Do you remember why you're here?"

Zoe asked, and Connie watched her as she spoke, her lips seemed to move slower than the words came. Her face was illuminated a bright bronze in the light and her eyes seemed to sparkle as if filled with stars.

"No..."

She whispered, frowning again.

"No."

She repeated.

"Okay, can you look at me, Connie?"

Connie looked up.

"You've been unconscious for six days. You've got stitches along your forehead from a head injury and you'll feel some discomfort when you move due to internal bruising."

Zoe spoke slowly, clearly, but still she had trouble listening, as though she was being told a story but was too tired to listen.

"What happened?"

She asked eventually, drawing in a long breath, feeling the dull wince of a cramp that began to emanate from her pelvic.

Zoe looked to Tess and Connie followed her gaze, her head beginning to throb, the beat of it hurting her ears.

"You were found unconscious in your office."

Tess spoke quietly, and as she did so she held Connie's hand, her thumb running back and forth over her knuckles.

"We have reason to believe that you were sexually assaulted."

She added softly.

**More very soon. Thank you for the lovely comments and requests for this to continue! It is something I have been thinking about writing for a while now so I'm relieved to have finally started getting it written down. **

**I hope you continue to enjoy it. It will get happier soon ;) xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

"What?"

Connie asked, although she had heard perfectly well.

"Judging by your injuries..."

Tess began again but Connie waved a hand to silence her.

She looked at her feet at the end of the bed. Her legs, the outline of them, the rise of her knees beneath the sheets. She felt the vague cramping deep inside her, somewhere beneath her pelvis.

"Who?"

She said finally, exhaling as she spoke and looking back up, turning to Zoe who splayed her hands with a half shrug.

"We were hoping you might be able to remember...?"

She asked slowly.

Connie let her gaze wander, slipping about the room. What the fuck was going on?! She felt the frustration rise, felt the warmth rise within her cheeks and she had to move. The sheets seemed to smother her, the overhead lights were too bright, Tess and Zoe stood too close...

She sat up, she could feel her breath catch in her chest, the air seemed thin and cold and however much she struggled to draw in through gaping lips just didn't seem enough...

A hand was placed on her shoulder, she meant to push it away, the touch making her body wince but somehow she seemed unable to move and the hand pushed her back down against the bed and Tess's voice whispered to her.

"Just breathe, Connie..."

Her voice was all that she heard, her eyes were open but all she could see was the blinding lights above her and black spots of breathlessness that darted aboyut her peripheral vision.

"Breathe in..."

Tess's voice was closer now. She could hear something, the movement of something and the lights above her disappeared.

"And out..."

She exhaled.

"And in..."

The air seemed to flow a little bit easier now, She could see Tess, she no longer touched her, but she remained close, bowed over her, her voice soft and slow as she whispered to her.

Connie swallowed. Her throat still felt sore and dry. She swallowed again.

"I don't remember."

She whispered, and as she spoke she felt her bottom lip crack.

Zoe clasped her hands in front of her.

"The police checked CCTV. Whoever it was was wearing a coat with the hood up so they couldn't see his face."

Zoe neared the bed after making sure that the lights were secured against the far wall.

"They'll want to speak to you and Max."

She added.

"Max?"

Connie frowned, not following.

"He was the one that found you."

Tess explained.

"But I don't remember..."

Connie repeated, looking again to her feet, feeling as though they weren't her own, that this wasn't her body...her life...

"It's ok."

Tess instinctively reached out and placed a hand on Connie's own. The touch made her wince.

"You might remember, in time..."

Zoe cleared her throat and rubbed at her forehead, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"We've made arrangements for you to see someone about it...to talk over what happened..."

"But I cant remember what happened!"

Connie almost laughed as she repeated herself and Tess stood up, hearing someone at the door.

"Just speak to her, she won't just help you to remember, she will help you through this.."

Zoe said, watching Tess near the door, watching as Max was revealed in the doorway.

"I'm not sure I want to remember something that I'd want to forget."

She whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

_**TWO WEEKS LATER**_

**It was a sunny day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of****warm earth. Suicide weather.**  
**Connie peered at the screen of her laptop. Something about the email that she was reading, and had re-read numerous times wasn't making sense, whether it had something to do with Guy's vague way of writing, or her inability to concentrate on the sentences or a complicated mix of the two she wasn't sure.**  
**The door opened, distracting her once again. A nurse she barely recognised dipped her head in apology and made her way to her locker. Connie had somehow found herself taking up residence in the staffroom after her office was cordoned off by the police, and when they had left she hadn't seemed to be able to find the courage to go back...**  
**The door opened again and Zoe poked her head about the door frame, holding onto the door with one hand, gesturing with a patients notes with the other.**  
**"Interrupted again I'm afraid."**  
**She said with a raise of her eyebrows.**  
**Connie glanced down at the laptop, clicked ESC and placed it on the coffee table before her.**  
**"What is it?"**  
**She asked, standing, smoothing her dress down about her thighs.**  
**"Lola Fairweather, cubicle five, she's just been sent down from RESUS."**  
**Zoe said, handing the file over to Connie and standing aside in the door frame to let her pass before following her out into the corridor.**  
**"Lola?"**  
**Connie murmured, glancing down at the hand written name.**  
**_Cafe Lola..."The best coffee on this side of the side walk..."_**

**"She was admitted with 3****rd**** degree burns to sixty percent of her body."**

**Zoe continued, pushing the double doors at the end of the corridor that led them out onto the ward.**

**"Attempted suicide."**

**She concluded as Tess hailed them.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp!"**

**Tess greeted her with a slight wobble to her smile and she glanced over her shoulder at the cubicle to which she was about to enter.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp is dealing with this patient?"**

**Tess asked, looking pointedly to Zoe who looked thoroughly confused.**

**"Lola Fairweather?"**

**Zoe said slowly, looking down at the notes that Connie still held.**

**"Yes...it's just..."**

**Tess raised a hand, edging the two women over to the wall where they would not be overheard by anyone inside the cubicle.**

**"Lola is actually a man... Ian Fairweather..."**

**She said quietly. Connie raised an eyebrow.**

**"Ok...?"**

**She pulled the notes tightly to her chest.**

**"Sorry, I just didn't know if you'd feel comfortable?"**

**Tess asked, all to aware that Connie had only treated a handful of patients since the 'incident', as it had come to be known as.**

**"I have no problem with transgendered patients?!"**

**Connie said, feeling slightly baffled by the flush that rose across Tess's cheeks.**

**"No, sorry I'm not being clear at all."**

**She shook her head slightly.**

**"I meant I didn't know if you would be comfortable treating a man...after...what happened?"**

**She let her words end in a whisper as though she were telling a secret. Connie drew in a stifled breath and exhaled loudly.**

**"Well! It was a 50/50 chance."**

**She breathed, rolling her eyes in vague irritation. Must everyone mollycoddle her so?**

**"Yes...well..."**

**Tess touched her finger tips to her lips and looked from a silent Zoe to Connie whose lips were pursed, her eyes fixed upon her own, waiting.**

**"Sorry, yes, I'll let you get on."**

**Tess said with a dip of her head and moved off backwards, taking several steps before turning around and moving over to the nurses station.**

**Connie sucked in a breath, held it for a second too long making her head spin, and then exhaled, puffing out her cheeks and raising a hand to her head. She looked down at the notes.**

**_Cafe Lola..._**

**She moved to the cubicle and pushed open the curtain, only pushing it just far enough so that she could let herself in.**

**Lola Fairweather lay on the bed before her, most of her body was wrapped up tightly in bandages. Her face, remarkably scar free save for a plaster along the left side of her jaw. She didn't look up as Connie entered.**

**"Miss Fairweather?"**

**Connie moved into the room, pulling the curtain back about her tightly.**

**"I'm Connie Beauchamp and I'll be looking after you today."**

**She said, eyes lowered to the pages of notes that she flicked through with her thumb and forefinger.**

**Lola moved her head slowly, her blue eyes sliding to greet her.**

**"Well, aren't you beautiful."**

**Lola spoke quietly, her voice was soft and her tone was somewhat amused.**

**Connie glanced up from the notes, silent.**

**"I'm just here to check that you're in a fit state to..."**

**She paused.**

**"One of my nursing staff should have already told you that we are referring you up to the psychiatric unit to speak to someone there?"**

**Connie folded the notes closed again and placed them on the bedside table.**

**"Oh yes! The little fat one. Once she'd stopped staring..."**

**Lola rolled her eyes again and Connie noted what long eye lashes she had.**

**"Well, I can only apologise on her behalf..."**

**She began but Lola tutted her lips and wafted her least damaged arm theatrically.**

**"Please! I deserve to be stared at! I'd stare at me if I were in her position. What must I look like..."**

**She said with a sigh, and Connie drew in her lips, biting the flesh of her bottom lip and narrowing her eyes in thought as Lola sighed and looked up at the ceiling.**

**"I can have psych come to you if you'd rather?"**

**She asked quietly, and Lola looked sideways at her again with those big blue eyes that seemed to hold so much of the world within them that Connie began to feel lost just looking at her.**

**"And miss the chance to be centre of attention just one last time?"**

**Lola asked, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow. Connie smiled and dipped her head.**

**"Well. I see no reason why you can't be transferred right away. If you'll excuse me whilst I find a porter?"**

**Connie made to exit the cubicle but Lola reached out a hand and caught her by the wrist. She flinched, the sudden grasp of her skin making her breath catch in her chest and she choked on an inward breath causing her to cough. Lola let go, releasing her as if she had accidentally grabbed hold of a pan straight from the oven with bare fingers.**

**From where she lay in the bed, she looked at Connie, saw the fear that she fought so hard to push away, watched her rub at her wrist where she had touched her, her cheeks loosing their colour so quickly that their drain in colour was visible as it happened.**

**"Aren't you going to ask me why I did it?"**

**Lola asked softly, a tilt of her head, her eyes never leaving Connie, who turned back to face her ever so slowly. She swallowed.**

**"No body has asked me why I did it..."**

**Lola added with a frail shrug of her shoulders.**

**Connie cleared her throat, her fingers felt cold.**

**"Why did you do it?"**

**She asked, missing a beat, feeling her voice falter.**

**Lola smiled and reached out for her to come closer.**

**"I did it because I had to."**

**She said simply, shrugging again, taking Connie by surprise with the simpleness of it.**

**"It isn't something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes some getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind..."**

**Lola continued with somewhat unnerving aloofness, as though she were reading from a manual...or indeed writing the manual herself.******

**"****It's important to cultivate detachment. imagining yourself dead, or in the process of dying. If there's a window, you imagine your body falling out the window. If there's a knife, you imagine the knife piercing your skin. If there's a train coming, you imagine your torso flattened under its wheels. ..That's what I did, day in, day out...living in this fucking poor excuse for a body, every day being stared at, laughed at...every day being unhappy about something that I couldn't change."**

**She paused and drew in a breath and Connie found herself taking a step closer to the bed.******

**"****The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark—why not kill myself? Missed the bus—better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie—maybe I shouldn't kill myself...In reality, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and train station a rehearsal for tragedy."**

**She wafted a hand again in that way that Connie could imagine her doing so many times in the past.**

**"Well..."**

**Connie began, more for something to say to break the silence. She paused and pushed a curl of hair from her face to tuck it behind an ear.**

**"I'm sure you'll get all the help that you need, our nurses are really very..."**

**Lola scoffed at her words, silencing her, raising her hand once again and touching her fingers against Connie's wrist ever so gently...**

**"Tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin and pray for the courage to press down?"**

**She whispered.**

****More soon! Thank you so much for the reviews so far xxx****

****J-Mith: You may well be on to something there...x****

****M-is-for-MollyMansfieldMealing : (gosh you have a long name!) Sorry to make you almost cry, I will try harder next time! So glad you're enjoying it, thank you for all of the lovely comments that you write! It will get happier very soon x****


	5. Chapter 5

"Connie?"

Tess stopped abruptly as Connie exited the cubicle, two porters were busy wheeling out Lola, manoeuvring her bed through the green curtains and out onto the ward so that they could push her out and up to the psychiatric unit.

"Are you ok?!"

Tess asked, reaching out to Connie, but remembering as her hand almost touched her and she shrunk back, instead she folded her arms across her chest, but still her eyes were concerned, reaching out to Connie who stood, pale, her lips parted as though she were trying to steady her breathing.

"What happened?"

She asked, her fingers twitching, her instincts wanting to reach out again.

"Connie?"

She spoke louder this time and Connie noticed her, she glanced up, her cheeks so white, so pale that her freckles showed through her make up, a scatter of marks across her nose, her cheeks, that were barely visible usually.

"Nothing."

She said, though her words did little to convince even herself.

She unclenched her fingers that she held by her side, she had been clenching her fists, and when she raised her hand to her face there were little half moon shapes embedded in her flesh.

"I'm just going to..."

She squinted her eyes, she had no idea what it was that she was going to do. She looked again at Tess, a queer look of complete confusion within her hazel eyes.

"I think I left something in my car."

She said eventually. The ward seemed so loud...she heard Tess call her name but she chose to ignore it, instead she turned on her heel, feeling the swivel of it, the tilt, the wobble. She turned the corner and felt arms grab her, fingers claw her, her body bumped full length into someone. She felt the back of her knees weaken.

"No..."

She whispered.

"_No..." She'd screamed, she could feel it...remembered it..._

She reached out for the wall to steady herself but the arms about her remained and she felt herself begin to panic, felt her throat tighten and the air become icy cold as she choked against it.

"Connie?"

Max.

She looked at the man who held her, his arms around her so that she didn't fall, her body so limp against him. She caught her breath, eyes remaining on his.

"Max..."

She whispered. She hadn't seen him properly since 'the incident', she'd only caught the odd flicker of his burgundy top out of the corner of her eye, or heard his laugh.

"You're al-right."

He spoke so quietly.

"You're al-right..."

He repeated, she felt his grip upon her loosen ever so slightly as he tried to gauge whether or not she could stand unaided. She straightened her legs, felt them wobble, the muscles in her thighs trembled, but she stood, she took a step back from him, swallowed.

"Thank you."

She whispered, averting her gaze, all too aware of the stares that surrounded them. She could feel Tess at her back, knew she was there, watching, waiting to be needed as she had known she always would be.

"Max, could you take Mrs Beauchamp and get her a drink please?"

She heard Tess speak. Her voice irritated her.

"I'm fine."

She refused to turn to face her.

"You're _not _fine."

Tess neared her, she could feel her breath against her back and she shivered. She turned, looking down at the nurse, her eyes a glacial picture of exhaustion and shielded panic.

"You need to go, now, and have a drink. If you'd rather someone else go with you..."

She began but Connie shook her head, swallowing hard against the dryness within her mouth.

"I'd rather it be him."

She whispered.

Tess looked pointedly at Max. She'd seen how his presence seemed to calm her, how when Connie had realised it was him that she had bumped into, him that had caught her she had recovered quicker than the other times that Tess had witnessed over the past two weeks.

"Take as long as you need."

She said simply and turned away from them.

Connie looked at Max, how stiffly he stood before her, his gaze shifting awkwardly as he pushed his hands into his back pockets and rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet.

"You don't have to."

She attempted a smile and he widened his eyes at her.

"Do you know what happened to the last person who didn't do what Tess said?"

He asked, leaning forward slightly, speaking in a stage whisper.

She laughed and watching a gaggle of teenage girls pass them by.

"So! Where am I taking you?"

He asked, hoping he hadn't taken out the crumpled ten pound note that he had found in his jeans that morning.

"I'm sure Honey could make you one of her 'special' teas..."

He added and she raised her eyebrows.

"No...thank you."

She cleared her throat.

"Come with me."

She said, moving around him and moving off to the hospital entrance.

"I thought I was supposed to be taking you somewhere?"

He asked, following. She glanced back at him, a hint of herself returning as she quirked her lips, the corners turning down in a half smile.

"Do you know where we're going?"

She asked as he caught up with her.

"Fair play...carry on."

He said, skipping ahead a couple of steps and holding open the door for her as they made their way out into reception.

"Thank you."

She narrowed her eyes slightly. Passing him, their bodies grazing one another.

They crossed the car park to the pub, Max, with his hands firmly in his pockets, shivering against the cold, following Connie and her quick, sharp strides.

It was beginning to rain and the sky above them was darkening, a heavy grey/brown that threatened a storm.

They reached the doors and once again he caught a hold of it, holding it open for her before she could reach out. She smiled, a genuine smile, a smile that made shadows of her dimples in her cheeks and caused a flush of colour – just the hint of it- back into her cheeks.

"I'll order."

She said, glancing about the pub. There were three groups of people she didn't recognise.

"You find a table."

She added, and without another word she moved over to the bar. Max stood for a moment, watching her, the slow graceful movement of her, manoeuvring her body with ease throughout the scatterings of chairs and tables and raucous laughter.

She watched her lean against the bar to speak to the bar maid. How quickly she seemed to recover...

He chose the most secluded table he could find, nestled into the side of the fire place. Tall pews with backs so high that once they had sat down they would be hidden from sight of anyone else within the pub.

He hovered by it, not wanting to sit, for fear she wouldn't spot him. Instead he stood, slightly stiffly, deliberately ignoring the glances of the various people at the various other tables.

Connie turned, he watched her. She moved away from the bar, tucking her hair behind her ears. He saw her hesitate, a glimmer of something within her eyes. She was looking at the table she would have to pass by in order to get to him. Since she had moved to the bar one of the men had leant back in his chair so that there was little room for her to pass.

He saw the quicken of her breath at her throat, saw her hands clench and release at her sides as though she was willing the strength just to step forwards. Her eyes firmly fixed on the seat where the man sat, surrounded by his friends.

One of them said something, caught the other man's attention, the one who had pushed his chair back. He looked up to her, his eyes caught hers. He said something to her, what it was Max couldn't hear but the men about him chuckled and he saw Connie recoil, only slightly, but still she stepped back, licked her lips, and as the man lurched suddenly, moving in his chair with a loud squeal of wood on slate flooring, she jumped and Max moved, without thinking.

He moved towards her, took the few short steps to her, reached out to her behind the man, ignoring the looks, the glances, the comments. He held his hand steady, looked at her, saw her blink, seemingly trying to shake herself free of this paralysing fear.

She took his hand, he felt how it shook within his own, how cold It was, how pale it was against his own. He guided her through, pulled her to himself and kept a hold of her, placing his free hand cautiously against her back, guiding her towards the table.

He felt her exhale as they reached it.

"Sorry."

She whispered, her voice was different, strained, as though she were being strangled, and all at once he realised she had tears within her eyes.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for."

He let go of her fingers as she slipped into the gap between the pew and the table, sitting close to the window, her hands resting on the dark wood of the table top.

She drew in a deep breath and exhaled before looking up at him.

"You're far too nice."

She laughed, but her breath caught and she coughed.

He side stepped into the seat opposite her, mirroring her, hands upon the table,just inches from her own.

"I'm worried about you."

He said with a shrug, narrowing his eyes, dipping his head to catch her gaze. She looked up at him and smiled.

"When you were a boy did you save the bird with the broken wing?"

She asked, biting her lip. He raised an eyebrow.

"What did you do? Tear them off?"

He asked, sucking in his cheeks, watching her, her arc of a perfect eyebrow, her lips fell partially open, and then she laughed, quietly, but laughed nonetheless.

He winked at her and pushed himself back in his seat, leaning back against the plum cushions and cleared his throat, watching as the bar maid came over with a bottle of wine and two glasses that she set on the table between them.

"Should you be drinking?"

He asked as the bar maid departed with a brief nod and a smile.

Connie **paused, her hand mid-way to the bottle. She looked at him, expressionless.**

**"With the way I am at the moment, I'm sure no body will notice a change in my performance."**

**She sucked in a breath and began to pour, filling up both glasses.**

**"It might actually improve matters."**

**She added, raising her glass to her lips, her breath showing against it as she took a sip.**

**Max took his own glass within his hand, eyeing it, he wasn't used to drinking wine...especially half way through the day.**

**She looked at him across the table.**

**"You can blame me if Tess catches you staggering."**

**She said quietly. **

**Max smiled.**

**"Thanks..."**

**He whispered.**

****More tonight! xxx****


	6. Chapter 6

**"So!"**  
**Max stretched his arms behind his head. The second glass of wine had left him mildly light headed. **  
**"Hmm?"**  
**Connie held her wine glass as though she were about to drop it. In fact it barely looked like she held it at all, it just seemed to rest between the soft tips of her fingers, the bowl of it tilted at an alarming angle as she swilled it gently so that the last of the wine swirled gold at the bottom of it.**  
**"Can you really remember nothing?"**  
**He asked, the drink making him bold.**  
**She cast her eyes down to the table where he splayed out his fingers, letting them fall from behind his head.**  
**"I can't remember anything."**  
**She confirmed, her eyes dazed, she shook her head, then almost immediately looked more alert and put her glass to her lips, tipping it up so that the last of it dribbled into her mouth.**  
**She swallowed and he saw the soft rise and fall of her throat before she set the glass back down on the table with surprising steadiness.**  
**"They want me to have counselling...to remember..."**  
**She sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly into the air between them. She looked up at him, her head lowered.**  
**"I never did say thank you."**  
**She said quietly.**  
**He raised his eyes to meet hers.**  
**He shook his head.**  
**"You don't need to thank me."**  
**He said.**  
**She smiled, and silence fell upon them for several moments, until Max shifted once more, the stiff straight back of the pew growing uncomfortable.**  
**"Don't you want to remember?"**  
**He asked, placing his elbows on the table again and leaning across it so that his rib cage leant against the edge of it. He looked at her. He'd never had the privilege of looking at her so close up before. She was alarmingly beautiful. Her freckles, her skin...her eyes...so perfect, so beautiful and yet so full of sadness...**  
**"You're staring..."**  
**She whispered, dipping her head so that her hair fell from behind her ear. She tucked it back with graceful fingers and Max looked hurriedly down at the table, where a pool of condensation gathered at the base of his glass.**  
**"Sorry."**  
**He whispered. She smiled ever so slightly.**  
**"I don't know what good it will do. To remember..."**  
**She said, her voice low, aware of the other people nearby.**  
**"It would help the police catch whoever did it..."**  
**He said, daring to look back up at her. She pursed her lips.**  
**"You sound like Tess."**  
**She breathed, raising an eyebrow.**  
**Max shifted again, the pew that he sat on creaked beneath him and rocked on the uneven flag stone flooring.**  
**"You always do that."**  
**He said, unsure once he'd said it as to whether he meant to say it out loud. She looked puzzled.**  
**"Do what?"**  
**She asked. **  
**"Raise your eyebrow."**  
**He said, feeling the warmth flush his face. He leant back against the seat again and scratched at his eyebrow.**  
**"Do I?"**  
**She smiled at his embarrassment and leant her forearms against the table, leaning forward.**  
**"It's what makes you so bloody terrifying!"**  
**He admitted, reaching out and drawing a finger through the puddle of condensation, using his fingertip to draw lines out from it so that it looked like a spider.**  
**"Terrifying? I'm flattered..."** **She murmured, watching his finger.**  
**He glanced up at her, not sure whether or not she was being sarcastic.**  
**"And sexy."**  
**He added, pushing his embarrassment aside. In for a penny, in for a pound...**  
**This time she raised both eyebrows, and seemingly aware of what she was doing, lowered them almost instantly.**  
**"Are you trying to seduce me Mr Walker?!"**  
**She asked, suppressing a laugh.**  
**"Trying? No... failing? Yes."**  
**He admitted with a hunch of his shoulders and he drew both arms in to himself, folding them loosely across his chest.**  
**"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure."**  
**She murmured, reaching out for her empty wine glass and circling it's rim with her thumb and forefinger, dribbles of condensation falling, slipping down the glass in dancing rivulets of water that skimmed it's stem and seeped out onto the table.**  
**He cleared his throat, at a complete loss for what to say. He paused, his eyes watching her hand, contemplating his next move, surely taming Connie Beauchamp couldn't be so easy...**  
**Then he looked up at her, saw the subtle yet present frown between her eyes, the tension at her jaw. The lost, faraway expression and he remembered how she had frozen at the bar just moments before. Terrified. This wasn't Connie Beauchamp after all.**  
**He exhaled and reached a hand across the table to her, gaining her attention.**  
**"I can help you remember...if you change your mind."**  
**He said.**  
****More soon xxx****


	7. Chapter 7

**They stood, leaning against the wall opposite the door to Connie's office. Max pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. Time seemed to have ebbed away without them noticing. Now it was night outside, the stars like pin pricks through a dark sheet. The hospital was calmer, quieter, the over head hum of the strip lighting the only sound except for the clearing of Connie's throat.**  
**She stood next to him, eyes on the door before her, he lips were parted and every so often she would flick a tongue across them to wet them.**  
**"Have you got the key?"**  
**He asked, knowing full well that she held it tight within the palm of her left hand.**  
**She nodded, and murmured something.**  
**He had lost any idea of how long they had been standing there for.**  
**"Will you...?"**  
**She asked, her voice catching as she spoke. She uncurled her hand, offering the key to him with a slight tremble of her fingers.**  
**"You sure?"**  
**He asked, pausing before taking the key from her, his fingers just touching the heel of her hand. She smiled slightly and nodded.**  
**"Sure."**  
**She whispered.**  
**He took the key, the metal of it was warm from her skin. He crossed the short distance to the office door and placed a hand on the door handle, pushing it down as he unlocked it.**  
**"Do you want to...?"**  
**He asked, glancing at her. **  
**She watched the door as it opened. The office beyond was dark, the blinds drawn at the windows. She licked her lips and flexed her fingers at her side.**  
**"You don't have to."**  
**He said quietly and her eyes flickered to him, resting on him for only the briefest of seconds, smiling a quick nervous flutter of a smile before looking back towards the door that gaped open before her, waiting to swallow her up.**  
**She drew in a breath, the air felt cold in her mouth. She moved forwards, the sharp heels of her shoes knocking softly against the floor. **  
**He took a single step back, his hand still on the door frame.**  
**She stepped over the threshold, through into the office with one faltering step.**  
**She exhaled and Max realised she had been holding her breath. He followed her in.**  
**"Close the door."**  
**She whispered. **  
**He closed it with a gentle 'click', and flicked on the light switch.**  
**She looked about herself. Nothing had changed, nothing seemed out of order...nothing bore the tell tale signs of what had happened between these four paper thin walls.**  
**She cleared her throat. What had she been expecting? Blood stained floors? Over turned furniture? A sudden realisation...her lost memories?**  
**She turned to Max who stood against the door, his hands behind his back, resting upon the handle. His face was pale and he had an odd glassy look in his eyes.**  
**"What happened?"**  
**She asked, just standing there, in the middle of the room, her arms limp by her sides, her eyes wide.**  
**He sucked in a long breath and his eyes regained focus.**  
**"I was outside in the corridor."**  
**He said, his voice flat and faraway.**  
**"I was on my way to reception and I heard you scream. I was the only one in the corridor."**  
**He released his grip on the door handle and raised a hand to rub his fingers against his bottom lip before continuing.**  
**At first I didn't do anything. It seemed like ages but it was probably only a second...but I just froze."**  
**He sighed as he spoke.**  
**"...Then I heard something fall and I opened the door."**  
**Connie glanced to the door behind him. Willing herself to remember...**  
**"I opened it and all I saw was you. I didn't see him until he ran passed me. All I know is that he was wearing a black coat and he had a hood...and something covering his face. I didn't even try to stop him."**  
**He looked down at the carpet by her desk.**  
**"You were on the floor...there..."**  
**He pointed to the foot of the desk and she glanced quickly to where he gestured to.**  
**"I sat you up. You were still awake then. Your head was bleeding, you must have hit it on the desk, but I held my shirt against it to try to stop the bleeding. I tried to talk to you but you just kept saying 'No'..."**  
**He saw he wince slightly, her eyes still on the floor by the desk.**  
**"There just seemed to be blood everywhere..."**  
**She heard the crack in his voice, the breathlessness. The gulp of breath as he regained his composure.**  
**"Anyway...I picked you up, and I carried you out there...onto the ward and I felt you loose consciousness. You were heavier, you just went limp...I thought you'd died."**  
**He stopped again and looked at her, a solid lump ached at the back of his throat and he flexed his fingers, numb with cold.**  
**Eventually she turned back to face him. Expressionless. It was as though he was telling her the story of someone else...or about something that had happened on television the night before...She felt numb.**  
**"I wish I could remembered."**  
**She said.**  
**"I wish I could forget."**  
**He whispered.**

****More soon xxx****


	8. Chapter 8

****TWO DAYS LATER****

**Opening her eyes felt as though they had been locked and bolted, not merely closed, with the occasional flicker, or the brief opening to reveal the roll of blood shot white behind the papery eyelids.**

**Her mouth felt dry and there was a bitter taste at the back of her mouth, the taste of a half-swallowed tablet. Sour and dry and the fell of it made her want to retch but her stomach felt sore and she suspected she already had.**

**She opened her eyes fully. The room was bright, too bright. Lemon-yellow sunshine burst in through the window, illuminating the curtains as fluttering angels and casting a brilliant halo about the bed. **

**She coughed, there was an irritating tickle on the roof of her mouth.**

**A drink, she needed a drink.**

**_Café Lola! "Decaf cappuccino and a latte"...he'd look at her, her hands folded against her lips, her breath against them to warm them, her eyes on his, bright with the knowledge that soon they'd be home, in bed... "To go." He'd say._**

**_They'd soon be home, in bed..._**

**She remembered, she remembered. Something flickered at her peripheral vision. She remembered the taste of coffee on his breath as he'd kissed her. He'd pushed his tongue into her mouth before he'd thrown her against the door. **

**The memory ended as soon as it had begun, and even though it had been so lucid whilst she replayed it, now, as she blinked through a blur of confusion she lost the feeling once more...and once more it was happening to someone else.**

**"Connie?"**

**The door opened and all at once she realised that she was at home. **

**Max stood in the door way to her bedroom. She had no recollection of how she had got here, to her bed.**

**"You're awake."**

**He said, his voice seemed ever so far away.**

**"How long have I been asleep?"**

**She asked, squinting about the room, her eyes resting on her hands that were folded so neatly, so pale in her lap.**

**"Two days."**

**He remained where he was. So she'd skipped time again.**

**He had an odd look about him. He looked older, his face was pale and he had purplish bags beneath his eyes.**

**"I was tired..."**

**She said vaguely, not necessarily to him.**

**"Tired?"**

**He asked, still he stood in the door way, two steaming mugs within his hands.**

**He saw her glance a them, and as though he had just remembered he moved into the room properly, moved over to the bed and passed her one which she took with the fumble of a hand.**

**"You chased a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka."**

**He said flatly, cupping his own mug between his hands, the steam rose into his face.**

**She looked again at her own hands, her own coffee.**

**"****_Coffee, to go..."_**

**"I had a headache."**

**She whispered, and without thinking she ran a finger about the rim of her mug, collecting the debris of coffee and smudging it between her thumb and forefinger before taking a sip. It burnt her tongue and it's bitterness was overcome by the shock of sugar.**

**She held it out to him, wincing.**

**"I don't have sugar."**

**She coughed.**

**HE refused to take it from her.**

**"I know."**

**He said.**

**"It's good for shock. Drink it."**

**He tapped a finger against the side of his mug, he was still standing there, still looking at her as though there were something on the very tip of his tongue that he just couldn't bring himself to say.**

**She took another sip and winced again at it's sweetness.**

**He looked down into his mug for the briefest of moments, ran his tongue across his upper lip and then looked back at her, she could feel his eyes upon her, knowing he was going to ask what she wished he wouldn't.**

**"What the hell's going on, Connie?"**

**He spoke so quietly that she looked up, he looked as though he hadn't slept.**

**"****Don't ask me..."**  
**She inhaled slowly and looked back up at him.**  
**"I was trying to explain my situation to myself. My situation was that I was in pain and nobody knew it, and yet I didn't know...still don't know why I'm in pain, why I'm so terrified..I can't remember. "**  
**She watched his eyes, he was waiting for her explanations.**  
**"So I told myself, over and over, You are in pain. It was the only way I could get through to myself. I was demonstrating externally and irrefutably an inward condition. After all t****his is my right, isn't it? As a patient? As a human being. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity."**  
**She paused, waiting for him to speak but instead he left her, her lips parted until she spoke again.**  
**"I wish I could be happy in this quietness."**  
**She whispered.**  
**She heard him draw in a breath.**  
**"Do you regret it?"**  
**He asked, and as he asked he looked away.**  
**"What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? It's what you can bear. And there it is... It was life. I chose death." **  
**He flinched at her words and she raised her coffee to hold against her chest, in the chance that perhaps it would warm the heart beneath.**  
**"****I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."**  
**She whispered, she could feel herself cracking, like ice in spring, could hear the gentle snaps and creaks as the façade she carried with her began to melt. What was it about him that made her want to tell him?**  
**His voice broke her from her thoughts.****"If I hadn't come to find you, you would have died here, alone."**  
**He spoke as though he thought his words would rouse some sort of regret within her, and that she would suddenly feel remorse for what she had done.**  
**He shrugged, bringing up his shoulders and letting them fall back down. She looked up at him.**  
"All I could think was, "Please don't let anything happen to her."  
**He whispered.**

****More very soon.****  
****Again, I apologise for the delay in updating, we were flooded, which left us with no electricity. But I'm catching up over the next few days. xxx****


	9. Chapter 9

**"Better now?"**

**Max took the mug from her and set it down on the bedside table. It was the second cup of coffee that he had made her, along with a plate of toast and the colour was beginning to reappear in her cheeks.**

**She touched the corners of her mouth to remove any potential residue of butter.**

**"Mmhmm."**

**She murmured, passing him the plate which he set down next to her mug.**

**He was sitting on the edge of the bed, perched there like an anxious bird, his body tense.**

**"You scared me you know."**

**He said at last, with a glance to his hands that were folded in his lap.**

**"It was like you were attacked all over again."**

**He added, and looked back up at her. She met his eyes, inhaled and sighed, spreading her hands, palms up, out on the bed sheet that bunched up about her waist.**

**"I remembered seeing you there...in the office."**

**She closed her eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers.**

**"I remembered hearing your voice call my name to warn me that he was going to hit me before he ran. You never told me about that. You tried to save me."**

**She looked across at him, his lips tensed and she saw the flicker of his jaw tightening.**

**"Guess I forgot."**

**He murmured, and he frowned and rubbed a hand across his forehead.**

**"Well, it's a good thing one of us remembered."**

**She whispered and she slipped her fingers across the sheets towards him, her index finger just reaching the cotton of his top and she tugged it gently to gain his attention.**

**She saw the corner of his mouth twitch and he lowered his head to hide the smile that threatened his lips. He shook his head and looked down at the hang nail at the side of his thumb that he'd been picking at since he'd found her unconscious at the bottom of her stairs two days ago.**

**"I just wish I could help you remember everything else."**

**He said quietly. **

**She ran the thin strip of fabric that she held between her thumb and index finger, it was soft and beginning to fray at the edges. She wondered how long he had been here, how long he'd been in those clothes.**

**"There's one thing that I don't know, that you could tell me."**

**She said, and he glanced at her with slightly narrowed eyes, his forehead creased.**

**"I don't know why you came here that night?"**

**She asked, and he raised his eyebrows and for a moment she thought he might laugh but instead he exhaled a sigh of warm air before he spoke.**

**"I didn't believe you when you'd said that you were ok after we'd been to your office."**

**He said slowly.**

**"I cam e to see if you were ok."**

**He added.**

**"And why did you stay?"**

**She asked quietly, letting go of what grip she had of his top and just letting her hand rest there, next to him.**

**He glanced down at it whilst he contemplated his answer.**

**"I couldn't leave you."**

**He said.**

**"I knew you'd be ok because you'd been sick, but I couldn't leave you there, knowing that you'd just tried to...what you'd just tried to...do."**

**He faltered and she saw the frustration flicker within his eyes. He looked so tired...**

**"I threw up?"**

**She asked, and the sudden realisation dawned upon her that she was wearing her dressing gown, the one that she never wore that hung on the back of her bedroom door. He'd had to undress her, clean her up. She felt her cheeks flush a fierce scarlet and her stomach winced at the indignity of it all.**

**"I cleaned it up."**

**He said, mistaking her embarrassment for worry about the mess.**

**She felt hot and she swore under her breath, looking down, anywhere but at him. This wasn't who she was or who she used to be. This person that she couldn't remember had changed her without her realising it.**

**"Fuck."**

**She swore again and this time he heard.**

**"I didn't...I mean..."**

**He glanced at her dressing gown, gesturing half-heartedly to it with a flourish of his left hand.**

**"I called Robyn, she sorted you out. I wouldn't...do that."**

**He said, realising what she was suddenly so cross about, and in turn he felt the rise of a blush burn within his cheeks.**

**"Christ."**

**She rubbed the tips of her fingers against her forehead, letting her eyes fall closed.**

**"I'm not sure what's worse."**

**She murmured, before letting her hand fall so that she could look at him again.**

**"I'm so sorry."**

**She whispered with the hopeless shrug of her shoulders.**

**He shook his head and reached out tentatively for her fingers that had held the hem of his t-shirt. He touched them ever so gently, pushed them between hers slowly, his knuckles glancing against her own until their hands lay haphazardly interlinked against the white of the duvet cover.**

**"Don't be."**

**He said.**

****More very soon! Thank you to everyone who reads and comments! Happiness and more clues on the way...xxx****

****Abi: Thank you for your comments. I'm slightly confused as to which user name is yours. In one message you mentioned poisonous snowflake and the other poisonous desire? Perhaps you could send me a PM (if you'd like) so I know which is you. I've no idea about joint stories so you'll have to clue me up! x****


	10. Chapter 10

**"So."**  
**Max watched as Connie emerged from the en suite, a towel wrapped about her head, a different dressing gown tied tightly about her waist.**  
**She looked up as he spoke, pausing in her step.**  
**"You're not planning on going into work, are you?"**  
**He asked, his voice hesitant.**  
**She continued on her path across the room.**  
**"Oh, I can't let a little thing like that stop me..."**  
**She murmured, opening both of the wardrobe doors and standing back, surveying her options.**  
**"A little thing like a suicide attempt?"**  
**He asked slowly...quietly.**  
**He watched her inhale slowly through her nose.**  
**"Black, or white?"**  
**She asked, running her fingers over a black dress, the arm of which jutted out further than the rest.**  
**"Connie..."**  
**Max exhaled and stood up from the bed, paused, then made his way over to her. Without her shoes he was a good few inches taller than her, and still this difference in height surprised him. He stopped close to her, he could smell her shampoo, her deodorant, and the recognisable scent of her perfume.**  
**"You can't..."**  
**"Max!"**  
**She turned sharply to face him, his close proximity throwing her slightly.**  
**"You're not exactly..."**  
**He tailed off again and she arched an eyebrow.**  
**"I am more than capable, thank you. In fact, I'm probably still more capable than others I could mention..."**  
**She said sharply, her arms wrapped tightly about her waist.**  
**He pursed his lips, and gave an ever-so-slight nod of his head.** **"What if something went wrong, what if you made a mistake?"**  
**He asked.**  
**"I don't make mistakes."**  
**She scoffed and laughed a humourless laugh, glancing back towards the hangers lined with designer clothes...all waiting for her to choose which version of herself she wanted to be that day.**  
**"What if you kill a patient?!"**  
**He lowered his voice and she laughed again.**  
**"Max...please...let's not be over-dramatic..."**  
**She left her sentence unfinished and he drew in a breath, steadying himself before he spoke.**  
**"This isn't who you are, you don't take risks like this, this isn't who I thought Connie Beauchamp was."**  
**He whispered, and he saw a flicker of something behind her eyes, hurt? Defeat?**  
**She stared at him, unblinking, lips drawn into a tight line, hands clenched, arms folded even tighter.**  
**"Well, I'm sorry that I've disappointed you."**  
**She whispered and made to turn away from him but he caught her arm, stalling her. She looked down to where his hand curled over the cream silk of the dressing gown, where it creased between his fingers and she could feel the cold of it pucker against the warmth of his hand.**  
**"You haven't disappointed me."**  
**He said quietly, and she narrowed her eyes, still he held onto her arm.**  
**"Listen..."**  
**He paused and glanced down to his own hands, the incessant gaze of her hazel green eyes becoming too much.**  
**"Can't you just let someone else take over? Just for today? Delegation..."**  
**He began, but she smiled and shook her head.** **  
"Delegation's just another word for defeat."**  
**She murmured, and shook herself free of him, turning to face the line up of outfits.**  
**"If you ****_do _****make a mistake, because you're not fit to be at work, they could fire you..."** **He was trying to shock her, trying to get through to her the severity of what she was doing, going into work when she was neither physically or mentally fit could spoil everything.**  
**"You could lose it all..."**  
**"And what makes you think I haven't already?"**  
**She asked, and she spoke so quickly that she might not have spoken at all. **  
**For a moment neither of them spoke, and neither of them moved. Instead they just stood, watching one another, Connie, so small, wrapped in her swathes of silk, her hair piled up on top of her head, the towel beginning to slip. She raised a hand to it.**  
**"I need to get dressed."**  
**She said suddenly, but failed to move.**  
**"Fine."**  
**He looked down again to his hands as he pushed them into the pockets of his jeans, and he stepped back away from her, turning to leave the room, but her words caught him, as his hand had hers moments before.**  
**"I don't know what's happening...I'm sorry..."** **As she spoke he stopped before the closed door that led out onto the landing, he stopped and looked at the large globe like bronze handle.** "I seem to be in some strange sort of mood." She added, and he heard the floorboards creak as she turned to face him. "We do what we do...at the hospital...we** struggle to piece people back together again, in the hope that we can change the world, but despite our gifts and our unstinting efforts, our most extravagant hopes, we still fail. We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep. It's as simple and ordinary as that. A few jump out windows, or drown themselves, or take pills; more die by accident; and most of us are slowly devoured by some disease, or, if we're very fortunate, by time itself. There's just this for consolation: an hour here or there when our lives seem, against all odds and expectations, to burst open and give us everything we've ever imagined...or at least that's what I thought before...now there's just this ever-present darkness, and I can't seem to..."** **She paused and pressed her fingers to her forehead.** **"**I seem to be unravelling." She whispered, and he turned back to face her. "I shouldn't have stayed..." He began, but she cut him off. "No, it's not you, it's not you!" She leant against the solid oak of the wardrobe door, it creaked on it's hinges. "Connie...?" He made to move to her. "Jesus!" She exclaimed and ran a hand across her face. All of this...all of this seemed so endless. "Do you want me to go?" "No, don't go!" She let her hands fall to her sides, helpless. "Don't go...explain to me why this is happening." She whispered, and in that moment she looked so vulnerable, so afraid and lost that he had no choice but to go to her, to make his way back over to her, to reach for her. "Don't! Don't touch me." She flinched from him in a way that she never had done before. He paused, his hand mid-way to her, but instead of letting it fall back down to his side, he continued, watching her as he did so, waiting for her to push him away. He placed his hands upon her elbows, holding her as firmly as he dared. "You will get over this." He said softly. She smiled doubtfully. "**But there are still the hours, aren't there? One and then another, and you get through that one and then, my god, there's another..."** **She whispered, and her voice began to falter.**  
**He drew her in, pulled her to himself so that she pressed stiffly against his chest. He bought his arms up about her back, holding her.**  
**"You haven't lost everything."**  
**He said quietly, his breath against her hair.**  
****More soon...thank you so much for the lovely comments, I thoroughly enjoy reading them, and I love hearing what you want to happen next etc. Thank you, again ! xxx****


	11. Chapter 11

**"Dinner."**

**Max set a bowl of soup down in front of her.**

**"I said I didn't want anything."**

**Connie pushed away from her across the table and turned back to the laptop.**

**"You have to eat!"**

**Max sat down on the sofa next to her.**

**"Are you working?"**

**He asked and she looked back at him, her silence her answer.**

**"Charlie's coming over in a minute, I've left the door on the latch for him."**

**"Why is Charlie coming here?!"**

**Connie asked, cutting him off, turning so quickly that her laptop made a slither to the left. She caught hold of it just in time.**

**"He wants to see how you are."**

**Max said, glancing at the bowl of soup.**

**"Well then, you can tell him that I am perfectly alright."**

**She said, and folded a leg underneath herself to level out her lap so that the laptop was positioned more securely on her lap.**

**"Connie..."**

**She looked at him sharply.**

**"Why're you still here anyway?"**

**She asked, and even as she spoke she hated the sound of herself. She saw Max flinch.**

**"I thought you wanted me here..."**

**He said quietly. **

**She drew in a breath, looked at the screen of her laptop. The emails, so many emails to catch up on...**

**"Well, you've done your good deed. You can go now."**

**She said, and she closed the laptop and set it on the table next to the bowl of soup. She leant over to the book case behind where she sat and pulled out a book with a broken spine and a book mark pushed into the top.**

**She opened it just as the front door creaked open and the sound of shoes on the mat echoed in from the hall.**

**Connie didn't move, didn't even blink.**

**Max looked up as Charlie entered, his arms limp by his side. **

**"Hello Connie."**

**He said, and Connie made a murmur of a greeting in the back of her throat, refusing to look up from the page that she held between fingers that pulsed with the beat of her heart.**

"How are you feeling?"

He asked, and Connie turned the page.

"Fine."

She said.

Charlie made his way over and sat down next to her, keeping his distance.

"What's the book about?"

He asked, and Connie smiled a slow patronising smile. She glanced up and turned the book over in her lap so that it lay face down, a page creasing against her leg.

**"Oh, it's about this woman who's incredibly - well, she's a hostess and she's incredibly confident and she's going to give a party. And, maybe because she's confident, everyone thinks she's fine... but she isn't."**

**She said, and Charlie glanced down at the book in her lap.**

**Mrs Dalloway.**

**"Have you been sleeping?"**

**He asked, and she looked momentarily confused at the sudden change of subject.**

**"Yes, I've been sleeping."**

**"Any headaches?"**

**He asked. She shook her head.**

**"No headaches."**

**"You know you should be in bed, resting."**

**He said, and as he spoke he looked up at Max.**

**"That's what I've been saying..."**

**Max whispered, and Connie shot him a look to silence him.**

**"Connie, you know you'd give the same advice if it were the other way around. If you were the doctor not the patient..."**

**He tailed off. She turned the book back over and stared at the pages.**

**"You're not going to listen to me are you."**

**He said quietly. She ignored him.**

**"Then why not listen to Zoe, to Guy..."**

**She glanced up at him again.**

**"****Not when they are a bunch of contemptible Victorians!"**

**She snapped.**

**"Rest! Rest is the last thing I need, far too much time to think..."**

**She exhaled and let her words fade into the silence.**

**She was, above all else, tired; she wanted more than anything to return to her bed and her book. The world, this world, felt suddenly stunned and stunted, far from everything that was, or had been real to her.**

**"Connie, if you were thinking clearly..."**

**"If I were thinking clearly, Charlie, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you're only here because you all live with the threat of my extinction, think I'm going to do something silly... Charlie, I live with it too. Every day I wake up and I feel it here..."**

**She pushed the side of her hand low against her stomach.**

**"I can feel the ache from where he ****fucked me. And when I sleep all I see are the shadows, and they're all over me, they're inside me, like he was, and they're killing me, slowly, taking me bit by bit so that I don't even recognise who I am any more..."**

**She stopped to catch her breath and Charlie cleared his throat.**

**"Max could you give us a minute, please?"**

**Charlie spoke quietly, and he looked again to Max who threw up his hands.**

**"Fine. She doesn't want me here anyway."**

**He said, and let his hands clap down against his thighs as he left the room, reaching down only to take the bowl of cooling soup with him as he moved back into the kitchen.**

**Charlie placed his hands neatly on his knees, and looked over at Connie.**

**"I think he's got the hots for you."**

**He smiled, attempting to lighten the mood. **

**Connie glanced to the door, to where Max had exited.**

**"You noticed that, did you?"**

**She murmured.**

**"He's been like a puppy with a toilet roll ever since you've been ill."**

**He said.**

**"Mmm."**

**She murmured, and fingered a page of the book.**

**"When I want something..."**

**"You're like a Rotweiler with a crowbar."**

**He cut her off, she opened her mouth to reply, slightly taken aback by his words, but found she had nothing to say.**

**"Connie, he just wants to help. We all do."**

**He reached out for her without thinking and her entire body jerked away from him.**

**"Sorry."**

**He whispered and retracted his hand.**

**He hesitated, she turned a page in her book, ignoring him.**

**"Right, well...if you're OK, I'll head off..."**

**He stood up, she didn't move.**

**"I'll just go and say good bye to Max."**

**He added, again she didn't speak.**

**He left the room, pulling the door too, finding Max in the kitchen looking out of the window.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**Charlie asked, and Max turned his head.**

**"I'm fine. I don't really know what I'm doing here...why I'm still here. I just stayed..."**

**"You did more than any of us could have done."**

**Charlie said, cutting him off.**

**Max shrugged.**

**"I don't know..."**

**He began, and turned to face Charlie.**

**"You're the only one she'll speak to, Tess told me how she didn't flinch away from you like she does everyone else."**

**He said, and Max exhaled slowly...he hadn't had a cigarette in far too long.**

**"I want you to take her, Max."**

**Charlie said, lowering his voice. Max raised his eyebrows and dipped his head.**

**"Excuse me?"**

**He asked, wondering if he had misheard.**

**"I'm saying this as a friend, to Connie, not a nurse. I want you to take her away, take her away from all of this. Get her to trust you, get her to realise that it would benefit her to talk to someone, a counsellor, anyone!"**

**He said, and Max hunched up his shoulders again.**

**"And how am I supposed to do that? She won't listen! She shows practically no sign of emotion except when she's in one of her rages, or she wakes up from a nap screaming from a nightmare that she can't remember. But that's not the worst part – the worst part is when I walk in on her and she's just standing there in the middle of a room, just standing there – helpless."**

**He drew in a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes. His head throbbed.**

**"I don't know how I got caught up in all of this...we've never even had a conversation before all of this!**

**He exclaimed, almost laughing at the absurdity of the situation.**

**"Just...touch her, help her be touched."**

**Charlie said, still keeping his voice low.**

**"Touch her?!"**

**Max arced an eyebrow.**

**"You're the one she trusts."**

**Charlie said simply.**

**"Just do whatever it takes."**

****More soon! xxx****


	12. Chapter 12

**"I'm not going away with you."**

**Connie's voice rose and she moved across the kitchen in a flurry of billowing sleeves and the flap of her pashmina. Her cheeks were still pale and her eyes dark and glittering with rage.**

**"Well then go away without me."**

**Max said, standing, fingers resting ever so slightly on the kitchen table as he watched her prowl from a safe distance.**

**She stopped, her back to him, looking out of the window.**

**"I'm sorry, I don't think you understand."**

**She turned, her eyes upon him.**

**"I'm not going away with you, or without you. I am staying here, I'm going back to work..."**

**"But Charlie said..."**

**"I have absolutely no interest in what Charlie Fairhead has to say."**

**She cut him off, her voice so low that as she spoke her words trembled and she curled her hands into fists at her sides.**

**"You've got to do something...go away...counselling..."**

**He began and she exhaled a venomous laugh.**

**"They're not going to let you back unless you get over this."**

**He added quietly, and he saw the flicker of something behind her eyes.**

**"I'm fine."**

**She said quickly.**

**"You're not fine! You're drinking, you're not sleeping, and when you do you're screaming from a nightmare..."**

**He began, and she flexed her fingers by her sides.**

**"Why are you still here?"**

**She asked suddenly, catching him off guard.**

**"I haven't asked you to be here, to stay in my own house."**

**She continued, and as she spoke she moved ever so slowly towards him until she stood, mirroring him, on the other side of the kitchen table, resting her fingers against the wood of it's surface.**

**"I couldn't leave you on your own."**

**He said quietly, looking across at her, his own blue eyes failing to maintain eye contact with the raging dark within her own.**

**"If I didn't know you better I'd call this ingratitude."**

**He murmured, and he heard the catch of her breath within her chest.**

**"I am ungrateful? You call ME ungrateful? My life has been stolen from me. I'm living in some sort of bubble that I can't escape,... I'm living a life I have no wish to live..."**

**She smiled, though there was no warmth to it.**

**"How did this happen?"**

**She whispered, though she expected no reply, and instead she drew in a breath, and exhaled slowly.**

**"Well, like I said before, now you've done your bit, you can go, go and feel good about yourself, go and enjoy the fact that you've saved me."**

**She said quietly.**

**"I'm not trying to save you, I'm trying to be your friend..."**

**He looked back up at her, he felt so out of his depth, so completely bare without humour to hide behind, without his usual self to rely upon.**

**"You don't flinch away from me like you do everybody else."**

**He said, and his words seemed to hit some sort of chord because she looked away abruptly and tapped a finger against the table, her nail just touching it, making the faintest of noises.**

**"I don't know why, but..."**

**"Because you did save me."**

**She said, cutting him off again, and when she looked back at him her eyes were glassy, her lips pinched and her chin quivered slightly.**

**"Because you were there, and even though I can't remember...I know that you won't hurt me."**

**She whispered.**

**"I won't."**

**He said, and she smiled again, though this time there was the hint of something real.**

**"He scarred me..."**

**She said abruptly, her words falling from her lips without her meaning to, suddenly, and violently spilling out from where they had been held back all these weeks.**

**"What?"**

**He asked. Her lips twitched and she hesitated.**

**"He scarred me..."**

**She began again.**

**"I don't know what he did, but when he..."**

**She faltered – touched the tip of her tongue to her top lip and smiled a shuddering nervous smile that made his heart ache for her.**

**"When he raped me, he did it with such force..."**

**She tailed off again and she inhaled a breath, steadying herself, and as she blinked one tear fell from her eye and she hurriedly wiped it away, smearing it across her cheek.**

**"So now I'm left with that...with the reminder every time I get dressed, or have a bath...and If I ever wanted to..."**

**She laughed hesitantly, humourlessly.**

**"I know."**

**He said, and she smiled ever so slightly.**

**"He's ruined me for everyone else."**

**She whispered, and as she spoke she caught her breath and her voice broke and she began to turn away from him but he caught her arm – moved around the very edge of the table and ever so gently pulled her to him. **

**He felt her stiffen as he wrapped his arms about her, felt her shudder, her body trembling as she groaned a stifled sob into his chest and he whispered to her as she cried against him.**

****More soon xxx****


	13. Chapter 13

**The house was still, only the gentle rhythmic drip of a tap, and distant murmur of cars in the city, the hum of the motorway, the occasional far away wail of an ambulance.**

**Max opened his eyes, nothing in particular seemed to have woken him. He glanced to the clock. 5:00AM. He heard the clunk and whirr of the boiler as the automatic timer for the heating switched on and behind him he heard the trickle and bubble of water in the radiator behind the sofa that he sat on, his body wedged into the corner of one of the long grey sofa's, one leg rested on the coffee table and he could feel the prick of pins and needles along his calf.**

**He winced against it and made to move but found a dead weight against his chest.**

**Connie. **

**Last night replayed within his mind. Everything that she had been keeping in, everything that she had so desperately wanted to tell somebody had spilled out of her with such force that she'd been left breathless and gasping for air as she choked on uncontrollable sobs that shook her body. And he'd sat with her on the sofa, holding her until finally she had cried herself to sleep.**

**He looked down at her now, how different she was. Her body lay still against him, laying across the sofa, long legs stretching out to the opposite end, her head resting against his stomach - she must have slipped down as they slept – her hair was ruffled and sprawled across her back and one arm hung limply across him.**

**He could feel the slow rise and fall of her back beneath his left hand, his palm pressed flat against her, her hair just curling about his knuckles, her top soft beneath his fingers.**

**He felt his leg begin to spasm and he gradually shifted, keeping a hold of her so that she didn't slip whilst he moved, adjusting his leg, pulling it down from the table despite the stiffness and pain that he felt.**

**As he re-adjusted himself he felt her move against him. She sniffed and moved a hand to push the hair from her face. He held his breath, unsure whether or not she remembered last night.**

**She bought up a leg that collided with his foot and he felt her body stiffen, as it had done last night when he'd pulled her to him.**

**She placed her hand against his chest and pushed up slightly so that she could look up at him. She squinted at him, her face pale in the dim morning glow that came from the opened curtains behind them. **

**"Morning."**

**He said, desperate to break the silence, and she parted her lips to reply but failed to say anything. Instead she cleared her throat and pushed herself up further so that he no longer felt the warmth of her body against him.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She whispered, and she ran a hand over her face before pushing her fingers into her hair, using both hands to sweep away her hair, twisting it until it stayed in an unruly bun at the back of her head.**

**"I didn't mean..."**

**She glanced about herself, forgetting to end her own sentence.**

**"You slept without waking."**

**He said quietly, and she looked back at him. Her top was crumpled and curled at the hem, beneath he could see the pale strip of flesh between her top and trousers.**

**"I slept without dreaming."**

**She whispered.**

**"No nightmares?"**

**He asked and she shook her head slowly.**

**"I'm sorry...about last night."**

**She murmured, and he straightened himself up against the back of the sofa.**

**"You don't need to apologise."**

**He said, and she slipped a hand tentatively across his knee to his hand, taking it within her own. He watched it, her fingers snaking between his, her hand so small and fragile against his own.**

**"I was fighting you when I should have been thanking you."**

**She said quietly and he tightened his grip on her fingers.**

**"You don't need to thank me either."**

**He whispered, and she smiled, dipped her head, and a curl of hair sprang free from her bun and touched against her cheek.**

**"Oh I think I do."**

**She whispered, and she looked up again, her eyes a faint green in the lemon yellow of the slowly rising winter sun, and once again she placed her hand back against his chest, pushed against him gently as she moved closer, and with the ever-present wail of the city backdrop behind them she placed the softest whisper of a kiss against the corner of his lips.**

****More soon! I hope everyone is still following and enjoying ! xxx****


	14. Chapter 14

**"Breakfast!" **

**Max placed a plate of toast down onto the coffee table in front of Connie, where had placed the bowl of soup the day before.**

**"You didn't have to make me breakfast."**

**She said, though she smiled. She'd just come downstairs after having a shower, her hair was still damp and twisted at the nape of her neck, her face pale and clear, free of make up. **

**She rearranged herself, folding her legs up onto the sofa – he thought how different she looked wearing an old cream jumper and jeans – and reached for the toast.**

**He sat down on the arm of the sofa and she offered the plate to him, he shook his head.**

**"I had some while I was making yours."**

**He admitted and she rested the plate on her knees.**

**"So..."**

**She chewed, swallowed and peered across at him, eyes narrowed, her mouth pursed into an amused smile, dimples shadowing her cheeks that he'd never noticed before.**

**"Where are you taking me?"**

**She asked.**

**"Hmm?"**

**He asked.**

**"This little 'holiday' that I'm being forced to take...where does Charlie want you to take me?"**

**She asked.**

**"I don't know...He's calling round later to drop off your sleeping tablets and painkillers."**

**Max watched her eye her second slice of toast.**

**"I don't think I need them."**

**She said after a moments thought.**

**"I slept fine last night."**

**She added and he nodded slowly.**

**"You don't think..."**

**"That last night was because of you?"**

**She asked.**

**"I just thought...maybe it was because you had someone there with you."**

**He offered and again she smiled and her eyes caught the light showing a sparkle of green.**

**"Are you trying to suggest that you should sleep with me every night?"**

**She asked, and her smile widened as she watched the colour rise across his cheeks.**

**"No..."**

**He began, he knew she was teasing him, but still he felt flustered. The glimmer of the old Connie seemed to be growing rapidly after only one nights good sleep, and the woman who was returning was the woman who terrified and intimidated him slightly, with her high heels and razor-sharp tongue.**

**She smiled again and placed the plate back on the table, two half-slices of toast left uneaten.**

**She stood up and brushed the crumbs from her lap.**

**"Are you working today?"**

**She asked, and he shook his head.**

**"No, I'm taking holiday."**

**He said and she nodded slowly, thoughtfully.**

**"There's a little cabin."**

**She began.**

**"It's only a short train ride from here, I used to go there when I needed to get away from work before I left for America. I rent it out every summer, but it's empty now..."**

**She narrowed her eyes, regarding him, thinking how odd this all way, that she was telling him about her cabin, her little secret hideout, and that she should be anticipating taking anyone there, least of all him!**

**"We could go there?"**

**She asked.**

**"Ok..."**

**He said, before he had time to think. And for a moment they just looked at one another.**

**"I realise this is all a bit strange."**

**She said at last and he exhaled, relieved that she had been the one to break the silence.**

**"It's fine."**

**He smiled.**

**"I never thought we'd ever have a real conversation, let alone go away together..."**

**He added and she laughed slightly.**

**"I'm sorry you're using your holiday for me."**

**She said quietly and he shook his head, it didn't matter, not really.**

**"I'd have only frittered it away on hangovers..."**

**He whispered and again she smiled that beautiful dimpled smile that she so often tried to suppress.**

**"I have an idea."**

**She said, and she interlinked her fingers together in front of her chest as she spoke.**

**"What's that?"**

**He asked, realising her hesitation was a sign of nervousness.**

**"If we travel down today we can spend the weekend getting to know one another properly."**

**She said, and he watched her frown.**

**"That's not a euphemism."**

**She added and he laughed without meaning to.**

**"I know."**

**He said.**

****More soon...xxx****


	15. Chapter 15

**"****We should have driven."**

**Connie murmured, sitting up straight in her seat and looking out of the window of the first class carriage to where the landscape beyond remained still – as it had done for the past 45 minutes.**

**Max twisted in his seat so that he could look down the line, nothing...just the fields and casually grazing sheep.**

**"I'm sure we'll get moving again in a minute..."**

**He said, his voice strained as he angled his head to look the other way before sitting back down in the seat opposite her.**

**He looked at her, tension showing at her jaw, her lips pursed and he recognised that look in her eye from when he'd seen her prowling the wards – stress.**

**"Connie?"**

**He raised his voice slightly.**

**"Mmm?"**

**She looked back at him.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She smiled.**

**"I don't know what the hold up is."**

**She murmured.**

**"Just relax."**

**He said and she exhaled through parted lips and leant back against the head rest.**

**"I'm not very good at relaxing."**

**She said with the hint of a smile and she looked across at him, how he sat, the bleached sunshine on his face so that he squinted and his blue eyes shone bluer, his hair dark, tinted in the light with strands of auburn. He looked different. Far from the man she had barely noticed at the hospital.**

**He smiled and the train began to move again, the whirr and clatter of wheels began again and Connie yawned, covering her mouth with her hand and they watched as an elderly gentleman passed them by, moving through the doors into the next carriage.**

**"Tell me about you."**

**She whispered and touched a finger to the corner of her bag that she had on the table before her, the weight of it leaning against the window.**

**He paused.**

**"There's not really much..."**

**"There must be something."**

**She interrupted and the man who had moved into the next carriage reappeared again and sat down in the seat parallel to them and as he passed by she caught the hint of his aftershave. It was ever so faint, but nonetheless the smell drew the colour from her face and she felt the flutter of fear within her stomach that she thought she'd managed to get under control. She felt the overwhelming urge to run and she glanced to Max, he was saying something...he stopped abruptly.**

**She could feel herself beginning to panic as a flicker of a memory bloomed within her mind. She remembered the smell of him – her attacker – remembered how he had held her from behind, his arm about her neck as he bent her over the desk, pinning her down, pushing her skirt up about her waist, choking her so that her head throbbed and her eyes saw red.**

**She heard Max speaking, she blinked, re-focused, tried to catch her breath, though what she could breathe in felt thin and cold and she reached out blinding. He caught her fingers, placed his hands within his and held them there. She could feel the throb of his pulse within his palms, and as she counted the beat of his heart the black dispersed before her eyes and she could see him again and she gulped in a breath.**

**"I remember."**

**She whispered...cleared her throat.**

**"I remember."**

**She looked up at him and he leant across the table to her.**

**"What, what do you remember?"**

**He whispered and she shook her head and glanced to the man sitting parralel to them, he was looking out of the window, a book folded neatly in his lap.**

**"He smells the same."**

**She said quietly and Max glanced at him.**

**"Just that smell...I can still smell it.**

**She opened her mouth, not wanting to inhale through her nose.**

**"Do you want to move?"**

**Max asked and she shook her head quickly.**

**He glanced again at the man, sitting so innocently in his seat, unaware of the effect that his choice of aftershave had had on the woman sitting near him.**

**He stood up and Connie looked up abruptly, but before she could ask him what he was doing he had sat down again, sliding into the seat next to her.**

**"Do I smell alright?"**

**He asked, and she smiled, exhaling a breath of relief. She nodded.**

**"You smell fine."**

**She said and he reached an arm along behind her, easing her into him so that her head rested against his shoulder and all she could smell was him.**

**She smiled against him and he felt the movement of her cheek...her jaw...**

**"Would you like to talk about it?"**

**He murmured, watching out of the window, resting his chin on the top of her head.**

**She drew in a sigh and he felt her chest expand and contract against him, and she twisted the ring that she wore on her right hand.**

**"He had his arm around my neck."**

**She whispered, and he watched as a flurry of trees streaked by.**

**"I remember not being able to breathe, and he held me down over my desk..."**

**She paused, her desk...****_her _****desk.**

**"He pushed my skirt up..."**

**And here her memory ended, with the smell of him, and the feel of his weight holding her down, suffocating her. She could imagine what had happened next, but somehow she couldn't bring forth the memory...**

**She felt the brush of Max's lips move back and forth against the top of her head.**

**"I cant remember."**

**She whispered, and the movement of his jaw stopped and he pressed his lips against her hair.**

**"You will."**

**He murmured, her hair tickling his lips.**

**"And I'll be here when you do."**

****More soon...if there is a delay in updating the next chapter it's because I haven't managed to successfully rescue my laptop from this bloody virus that I have just discovered! xxx****


	16. Chapter 16

**They stepped off the train and into a taxi just as the sun was setting, and as they pulled up to the drive way of the little cabin by the side of a small lake it was dark, only the headlights from the taxi illuminating their path as they made their way to the door.**

**Connie pushed the key into the lock, it had been years since she had been there. She pushed open the door and flicked on the light.**

**She closed the door quickly behind them and looked about. It was much the same, though the colours she remembered so vividly seemed to have faded, but otherwise it had been kept in good condition.**

**She turned to Max who was peering into the little kitchen that led off from the small living room that they had stepped into.**

**"It's not much."**

**She said, and moved to place her bags by the door at the opposite end of the sitting room.**

**Max followed with his own and shrugged off his coat, which Connie took with her own to hang on the back of the front door.**

**"Can I make you a drink?"**

**She asked and made her way to the single cupboard under the sink. **

**She looked in the fridge.**

**"Water?!"**

**She asked, turning back to face him, he smiled and shook his head.**

**"How many years has it been since you've been here?"**

**He asked, watching her as she moved back into the sitting room and slipped off her shoes, placing them neatly by the front door.**

**"Too long."**

**She said.**

**"I used to come here at the weekends."**

**She added, placing her hands on her hips and surveying the room – it was smaller, shabbier than she remembered...**

**He followed her gaze, the curtains were sun-bleached at the edges and the sofa was scuffed, the fireplace missing a tile.**

**"I've never had company before...here I mean."**

**She murmured. She remembered those long summer evenings where she'd sat on the little porch outside, sipping wine and lazily making her way through paperwork.**

**"It must be strange, my being here."**

**He said quietly and she smiled slowly, looking at him for a moment as he stood there in the middle of the sitting room, the dim light overhead casting long shadows across his face.**

**"Have a look at a book...put the television on...I'll get us something to eat."**

**She said.**

**"From that cupboard?"**

**He asked and she flushed, shook her head and retrieved her phone from her pocket, gesturing with it.**

**"I'm afraid pizza is our only option."**

**She said, looking up at him apologetically.**

**"Well, as our only option it's not a bad one."**

**He smiled as he spoke and looked vaguely relieved as she left him to wander the sitting room whilst she slipped into the kitchen to phone.**

**He moved over to the book shelves, they were packed tightly along the shelves, dust and spider webs encased them safely. **

**He glanced at their spines, smiled...he made his way over to the television and turned it on, it didn't do anything. He peered behind it, here the dust was thicker, but he pushed his hand down behind it and turned on the plug, pressing the button to turn it on again, half expecting nothing to happen again, but this time it sprang into life and he began scrolling through the channels.**

**"You didn't want to read a book?"**

**He heard her re-enter the room.**

**He glanced back to her.**

**"Thoracic and cardiovascular surgery: Scientific Foundations and General Practice?"**

**He asked and she laughed.**

**"too many long words. You forget I'm merely a porter."**

**He added.**

**"You're not merely a porter."**

**She said quickly...too quickly and she found herself looking for something to gaze upon, aware of his slow smile, his eyes upon her.**

**"So is this the bit where we get to know each other?"**

**He asked and she widened her eyes.**

**"I'm sorry?"**

**She asked and he smiled slightly.**

**"Don't look so panicked, you said yourself it wasn't a euphemism."**

**He said quietly and he watched as she rearranged her expression.**

**"Yes...well..."**

**She began. Why was it that he made it so difficult to form a coherent thought she wondered.**

**"What about your daughter?"**

**He asked and she frowned ever so slightly.**

**"Grace?"**

**She murmured. He nodded.**

**"Oh she's at school...she boards there."**

**"She doesn't know you've been in hospital?"**

**He asked and she pursed her lips, gave the slightest shake of her head.**

**"There's no point in worrying her."**

**She said and cast an eye to the sofa.**

**"Shall we...?"**

**She gestured to it and he followed her, sitting down next to her on the small two seater.**

**"Sorry it's not bigger."**

**She murmured as their knees touched.**

**"This is fine."**

**He said.**

****More soon! xxx****


	17. Chapter 17

**Max finished his slice of pizza and licked his thumb and forefinger and reached out for the glass of water he had set on the corner of the little coffee table.**

**"You didn't eat much."**

**He said, glancing at her plate, the half eaten slice laying cold against the china. She shook her head slightly and smiled, dipping her lips to the glass she held and taking a sip. She hadn't eaten more than a couple of mouthfuls in the time he'd known her he realised.**

**"I'd rather you had it."**

**She said as she swallowed and rested the glass on her knee.**

**He placed a hand on his stomach and leant back against the sofa, casting a glance to the two slices left in the pizza box.**

**"Can't...feel a bit sick."**

**He exhaled and turned his head to look at her, she was curled up against the other end of the sofa, knees drawn up beneath herself, arms against her chest, just the glass resting there, her fingers barely holding it.**

**She met his gaze and smiled slightly self-consciously, the light casting shadows across the dimples that showed in her cheeks.**

**"So why did you leave Holby?"**

**He asked after a moments pause and she looked mildly taken aback, but she answered nonetheless.**

**"There was nothing to stay for."**

**She said and she glanced down to her drink, only a mouthful of water left at the bottom of the glass.**

**"So why did you come back?"**

**He asked and this time she frowned, parted her lips to say something, then thought better of it and smiled slightly.**

**"America wasn't for me..."**

**She murmured.**

**"The whole of America?!"**

**He asked, smiling and she looked up at him again, amusement toying with her lips.**

**"Let's just say I didn't find what I was looking for."**

**She said quietly and watched as he took another sip of his drink.**

**"Maybe what you were looking for was here all along."**

**He said.**

**"Maybe."**

**She whispered and he placed his glass back down on the table again and shifted so that he could face her properly.**

**"I can't quite get over how strange this all is."**

**He said after a moments pause.**

**"Being here with you..."**

**He added.**

**"Why is that strange?"**

**She asked, placing her own drink onto the table on the opposite corner to his.**

**"Because you're Connie Beauchamp!...****_Mrs..._****Beauchamp!"**

**He laughed as he spoke and let his head fall to one side so that it rested against the sofa, just looking at her, how beautiful she looked in the dimly lit room, her features smudged by the light, her body so perfectly curled into the sofa.**

**"Connie."**

**She said quietly and shifted so that she could rest one elbow on the back of the sofa.**

**"Connie..."**

**He repeated. She cleared her throat.**

**"Tell me something about you."**

**She spoke again, and this time she moved so that she could raise one knee to fold against her chest, pushing her foot so that her toes nearly touched the denim of his jeans at his thigh.**

**"I'm probably more interesting if you ****_don't _****know anything about me."**

**He grinned as he spoke, a slow grin that made his blue eyes glitter.**

**"Oh I know a lot of things about you..."**

**She said and he raised an eyebrow.**

**"I know you're interested."**

**She added.**

**"Interested?"**

**He repeated, feeling her toes touch his leg and he glanced down to where her bare foot nudged him.**

**"You stayed when everyone else left. Charlie and Tess have visited, but they'll soon forget...but you stayed."**

**She said, and she cocked her head to one side, regarding him with narrowed eyes.**

**"Why did you stay?"**

**She asked, her voice barely a whisper.**

**He drew up his shoulders and inhaled slowly.**

**"Because you needed someone."**

**He said eventually.**

****More soon. I absolutely cannot concentrate this evening. Too tired and the heads too full of 'stuff'.****

****Hope it's enjoyed though xxx****


	18. Chapter 18

**It was getting late. Outside they could hear the scutter of leaves in the wind, the gentle shiver and tap-tap of the trees as their branches caught the windows, and somewhere in the distance an owl called repeatedly.**

**Max heard the lid of the bin in the kitchen rise and fall as Connie folded the pizza box into it, he heard her clear her throat softly and the slight padding noise of her bare feet on the carpet as she came back into the sitting room.**

**"It's cold."**

**She said, and wrapped her arms about herself.**

**"I forgot how cold it got here."**

**She added, stopping in front of the window and peering out into the darkness before drawing the curtains and turning to face him.**

**"Do you want me to light a fire?"**

**He asked, and she smiled.**

**"No wood."**

**She said.**

**"We'll get some in the morning."**

**He nodded and stood up slowly, his knees stiff from sitting for so long in one position.**

**"Where's the bathroom?"**

**He asked, glancing about himself and she gestured to the far side of the small room.**

**"Just in the bedroom."**

**She said.**

**He yawned.**

**"Which bedroom?"**

**He asked and made his way over to the small hallway that she had pointed to.**

**"There is only one bedroom."**

**She said, and as she spoke she turned her back on him to face the fire place, the flicker of a smile at the corner of her lips.**

**"Oh."**

**He spoke more to himself, and he faltered for a moment in his progress across the room. He glanced back at her, standing there, arms folded, her eyes on the bookcase next to the fire, no doubt reminiscing about the times when she used to come here.**

**He made his way down the little hallway and in through the only door, into a small bedroom, in which there stood only a bed, two bed side tables – one either side of the bed, and a trunk on the floor at the foot of the bed that looked as though it had been beaten about a bit.**

**He by passed it and visited the toilet quickly before returning back to the room. He stopped again and looked about the room. He pulled the curtains closed at the window. There were no photos, nothing, just the bed with it's duvet pulled tight.**

**He ran a finger over the lid of the trunk, the decorative metal hinges ran all the way up and over the top of it, they were cold, and one of them was beginning to rust.**

**Without thinking he bent down and lifted the lid, it creaked slightly and he held it still, not wanting to open it any more in case she heard. Instead he looked inside from where it remained half open. **

**An odd smell emanated from it, a faint musty smell of metal and sweat from what looked like just a pile of clothes.**

**He reached in, the fabric felt torn and he held it up, it was black, just a piece of sheared black fabric, though it felt stiff in patches as though something had spilled onto it and not been cleaned. He let it fall back in and fished out something white – a sleeve, he tugged on it and it came free, and as it spilled out of the trunk into his lap he realised what it was.**

**It took him a moment to push it back where it had been, the white cotton of her shirt, the buttons ripped from it, the cotton patterned with thick dark blood, and the smell...he remembered the smell of her that day, the smell of blood and another man...**

**He closed the trunk and stood up, brushing his jeans as though there may be something left from the clothes on his own. He let out a breath, his heart beat just that little bit quicker, and he turned quickly, finding his breath difficult to catch.**

**He stopped. Connie stood in the doorway, her eyes on the trunk, her lips partly open, her face pale and as he stood not knowing quite what to do with himself she turned her eyes to look at him.**

**"So, you've found my secret already."**

**She whispered.**

****More soon...xxx****


	19. Chapter 19

**"Connie...sorry..."**

**He began but she shook her head, stopping him. He glanced back to the trunk.**

**"Why have you kept them?"**

**He asked quietly and he heard her take a breath in.**

**"I didn't want to forget..."**

**She whispered, and he looked over at her. She still stood there in the doorway, a smudge in the light as though she were a figure in a dream. She smiled, and a laugh caught on her breath as she spoke again.**

**"Ironic...as I can barely remember what happened..."**

**She sighed.**

**"Aren't the scars enough?!"**

**He asked, and immediately regretted asking as he saw her stiffen, flinch even at his words.**

**She pursed her lips.**

**"****Scar tissue has no character. It's not like skin. It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's like a slip cover. It shields and disguises what's beneath. That's why we grow it; it's not real, it's not really us...it's there because we have something to hide. "**

**She said, and she looked down at her hands which she held before her chest.**

**"And in that trunk is what I'm hiding...what happened that day."**

**She smiled.**

**"I'm even hiding it from myself."**

**She whispered and moved slowly into the room.**

**"I thought that maybe they'd help me remember...but I haven't even been able to look at them."**

**She said and she stopped next to him, looking down at the closed trunk.**

**"I thought you said you hadn't been back here in years?"**

**He asked and she narrowed her eyes, glancing up at him, holding his gaze.**

**"I haven't, not really. I came here the night they let me go, I put the clothes in their and left. I was barely here at all."**

**She said.**

**"Do you want to talk about it?"**

**He asked, after a moments pause. **

**She gave a slight shake of her head, the corners of her mouth turning down into a half-hearted smile.**

**"I just want to sleep."**

**She said and he looked over at the bed, somehow the vast expanse of duvet looked less inviting now that he knew what rested in the trunk at the end of it.**

**"I'll leave you to it then..."**

**He said and made to move but she reached out to him ,not quite touching his arm before he stopped.**

**"You could stay?"**

**She said quickly, and he raised an eyebrow.**

**"If you wanted? You don't have to...I just thought...sorry, I shouldn't have asked..."**

**She paused for breath.**

**"Sorry."**

**She said again and this time she smiled and exhaled, her body becoming instantly less rigid and tense.**

**"I don't usually have this much trouble stringing a sentence together."**

**She added and he laughed a whisper of a laugh that disappeared as he looked back at her, narrowing his eyes, unsure as to what to make of the situation, and still very aware of the trunk...**

**"I can stay with you."**

**He said, and he couldn't help but feel slightly pleased about the look of relief that filled her eyes, and for a moment she thought she might say something, instead she looked again to the trunk.**

**"Can you help me move this into the bathroom?"**

**She asked.**

**"I don't particularly want it in here while we sleep."**

**She said, and it was his turn to feel relieved as he helped her to lift the wooden box from it's spot at the end of the bed, and to place it firmly in the bathroom, closing the door on it with a soft 'click'.**

**They turned to face the bed, Connie moving to pick up their bags that she had been carrying when she had seen him with the trunk open. She picked them up and held out his towards him.**

**"Do you want to get changed?"**

**She asked, and he thought momentarily of the cold he would feel if he stripped off to replace his clothes with the pyjamas that he had packed.**

**"I think we'll be warmer if we stay dressed."**

**He concluded and she nodded vaguely in agreement.**

**She set the bags down and closed the bedroom door, moving quickly over to the bed and turning back the duvet, all in one quick motion as though she were doing it before she changed her mind.**

**He followed her, watching her as she sat on the edge of the bed and took a breath before turning and slipping her legs down beneath the covers, waiting for him to crawl in next to her before she pulled up the duvet, shivering, the cold of the mattress seeping through her jumper.**

**"Shall I turn the light off?"**

**She whispered, her teeth clattering within her mouth. **

**He nodded and watched her reach for the little bedside lamp, flicking it off so that they were plunged into an inky blue dark that made them both blink.**

**She turned over to face him, curling herself up, her body twitching against the cold.**

**"Sweet dreams."**

**He whispered, she could hear his smile as he spoke.**

**"I hope so."**

**She whispered back, and pulled the duvet up over her chin.**

****More soon...and it's about to get a bit more interesting...a bit more 'M' rated too. That is if anybody is still reading it?! ;) xxx****


	20. Chapter 20

**She awoke with a scream and a whimper, she tried to breathe in but something sucked in against her mouth and made her gasp for air, slapping away against the duvet that smothered her face and in her flailing she knocked her head against the corner of the bedside table.**

**She swore under her breath and rolled back over onto her side, curling up tightly, her hand pressed hard against the side of her head, her face crumpled.**

**Max moved. She felt him reach out for her in the dark.**

**"What're you doing?"**

**He whispered. She heard him push himself up in the bed when his hand couldn't find her.**

**She drew in a breath, he heard her stifle a sob and he reached across her to the table lamp. She froze as the weight of his body just touched against her as he fumbled with the wire, his fingers searching for the button. There was a soft click and the lamp turned on.**

**He looked down at her as he moved back, she turned her face into the pillow, her hand still at her head.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**He asked, touching ever so gently against her hand.**

**"I just hit my head."**

**She whispered, her voice muffled by the soft feather pillow.**

**"Let me see?"**

**He asked, and she sighed and let her hand slip back under the covers.**

**The side of her head was red and he traced the little raised 'V' where she had knocked herself with the tip of his fingers.**

**"Does it hurt?"**

**He asked and she shook her head.**

**"Not any more."**

**She huffed out a breath and rolled slowly onto her back so that she could look up at him. Her face was flushed from being pressed against the pillow and her hair tufted out on one side.**

**"Sorry for waking you."**

**She whispered and he smiled slightly.**

**"Doesn't matter."**

**He said, and he paused, still resting beside her, leaning up on one arm, looking down at her.**

**"What did you dream about?"**

**He asked and he caught the gentle press of her lips, the flare of her nose and the quick glance to away...**

**"I thought I was being suffocated."**

**She smiled as she spoke, knew how ridiculous she sounded.**

**"The cover was over my face."**

**She added.**

**"Ah."**

**He said and watched as she tugged the duvet up so that it folded in about her chest, tucking under her arms.**

**"I thought that perhaps I wouldn't have the dreams any more if you were with me."**

**She said quietly.**

**He didn't say anything, just touched his hand again to where she had knocked herself, felt the soft warmth of her skin, tracing a line of freckles from the high curve of her cheek bone to the whips of dark hair at her hairline, pushing back the strands, smoothing them down about her head.**

**She didn't move as he touched her, and when he glanced to her face he realised she had closed her eyes again and she let her head fall slightly towards him. She looked so beautiful, so trouble free laying there beneath him, her eyelashes casting shadows across her nose, her freckles scattered so evenly across her cheeks and her lips – dusky pink and ever so slightly open and for the briefest of mad moments he wondered what it would be like to kiss them, to kiss her – really kiss her.**

**He smiled to himself and stroked his fingers again through her hair before leaning down and placing the gentlest of kisses against her forehead. He felt her move, her eye lashes fluttered open and she tilted her head to look at him, just inches above her.**

**"Thank you."**

**She whispered with the flutter of a smile and she let her gaze linger on his.**

**"Thank you..."**

**She repeated, quietly and she lifted herself from the pillow ever so slightly, raising herself, touching her nose against his, smiling, her lips so near to his that he could feel her breath against his face.**

**He felt his pulse quicken, could feel it throbbing at his throat and his mouth seemed so dry all of a sudden.**

**He swallowed, resting his forehead against her own, exhaling slowly.**

**"****If someone liked you...well, more than ****_liked you_****, and they wanted to tell you but they weren't entirely sure of the response, but they did it anyway, would you slap them?"**

**He whispered, and her lips twitched with amusement.**

**"Maybe I'd be pleased."**

**She murmured, and with a quick quirk of a smile she kissed him, pressed her lips against him and slipped her arm about his neck, pulling him down against her.**

****More soon...xxx****


	21. Chapter 21

**She touched her tongue against his, opened her mouth, her lips pressed so firmly against his and he thought how gentle she was, how vulnerable she felt beneath him, his arms either side of her, holding him up, just ever so slightly pressing his chest against her own.**

**The hem of her jumper brushed against the side of his hand, the wool of it rougher than he'd expected, and he found that if he splayed his fingers against the mattress then his thumb met with the strip of bare skin at her waist, so soft and warm and it flinched as he brushed against it. She smiled against his lips, and pulled away slightly.**

**"That tickles."**

**She breathed, her lips were swollen from kissing him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkled.**

**"Sorry."**

**He whispered, and leant down to kiss her again but she dipped her head back further away from him and slipped her arm beneath the covers to find his own, taking a hold of his fingers.**

**"If you want to touch me..."**

**She murmured, and she moved his hand further along so that he had to lean down on his elbow, and she placed his hand against the gentle curve of her stomach, the hem of her jumper having ridden up more here and he hesitated, feeling her skin beneath his palm.**

**She let go of his hand and waited, half expecting him to move away from her. **

**Instead he adjusted his other arm so that he was leaning on both elbows, his chest flat against hers and looked down at her again, turning careful, slow circles with his thumb against her stomach.**

**"What are you thinking?"**

**She whispered and he smiled again.**

**"Nothing..."**

**He said quickly and she raised an eyebrow.**

**He let his hand wander gradually, still tracing those never-ending circles across her abdomen, creeping up – slipping back down – and then up again, gradually pushing her jumper higher until it began to feel tight, and she raised her back just slightly off the bed, arcing herself up against him so that her jumper was no longer held between her body and the mattress and it pulled free, bunching about her chest, his fingers between her ribs, just brushing against the solid barrier of the under wire to her bra and before she had time to stop it, a small groan of anticipation escaped her lips.**

**He smiled, bent down, kissed her again and now the gentleness of before seeped away and as he dawdled a string of fluttering touches across her chest, beneath her bra she arced her back once again, allowing his hand to slip beneath her, to undo the clasp.**

**She felt the fabric give, and as she lay back down against the bed she suddenly felt very exposed. **

**She shivered and he paused, and without saying a word he pulled up the duvet, pulling it up over both of them so that it hung from his back like a tent over her. She smiled, and strained to kiss him again, loving the feel of his lips, the taste of him, the lingering taste of cigarettes that was somehow just so very 'him'.**

**He looked down at her, still not quite able to comprehend that it was her – Connie Beauchamp – who lay before him, and that his hand was against her, touching her intimately, his fingers moving up beneath the bra that rose easily from her skin whilst he kissed her lips, her neck...**

**She let her head roll back, the vast curve of her neck before him, and he kissed every inch, tasting the bitter taste of perfume as he touched his tongue to her flesh.**

**She shivered, murmured a half-breath that caught in her throat as his fingers (still cold), pushed up, encasing her left breast and she pushed up against him so that her back left the mattress and she reached out with an arm to grab hold of the headboard, giving her leverage to push up even further.**

**He shifted, moved lower across her collar bone, his stubble hard against her skin. She shivered again, although this time it was less to do with the cold, and she let her body relax back into the bed, enjoying the slow trail of hot open-mouthed kisses that caressed her chest and she slipped a hand through his hair, tilting her head back down, watching him...**

**He glanced up mid-kiss, saw her exhale through parted lips, caught the whisper of a smile, her eyes bottle-green in the lamp-light.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**He whispered, finishing off the kiss that lingered at his lips and he raised himself up ever so slightly.**

**She nodded faintly.**

**"Are you sure you want to...?"**

**He let his words tail off and her smile widened.**

**"Am I sure I want to...?"**

**She repeated, elongating the last word, raising her eyebrows, toying with him.**

**"I just thought I'd better...check..."**

**He watched her smile and she touched a finger to his lips.**

**"I want to."**

**She whispered.**

****More tomorrow. I am having terrible trouble concentrating on writing this week! xxx****


	22. Chapter 22

**"I'm sorry..."**

**Connie whispered, her cheeks flushed pink, a hand over her eyes, fingers rubbing at her forehead. Max looked down at her, holding himself up above her, his left arm starting to wobble as it began to loose feeling.**

**"Don't be sorry."**

**He whispered, and he rested down on his elbow, stroking the hair from her face with his other hand. Her skin felt soft and she lay beneath him, her skin bare, her body naked and pressed against his own.**

**"I couldn't..."**

**She frowned, removed her hand from her eyes and looked up at him, unable to find the right words.**

**"You don't have to explain."**

**He said quietly and she smiled a small , but grateful, smile.**

**"Let me."**

**She whispered, and he slid himself from on top of her, laying down next to her, and she turned so that they were facing one another, their hands finding each others beneath the duvet, fingers intertwining and holding tight to one another.**

**"You remember the scars I mentioned?"**

**She asked, her breath against his face.**

**"I don't mind about the scars..."**

**He began, but she bit her lip, and he stopped.**

**"Sorry..."**

**He murmured, and he remained silent whilst she went on.**

**"I know you say you don't mind...But I don't want you to see them and think of him whilst we..."**

**She paused, and smiled a twitch of a nervous smile.**

**"I don't want you to be gentle with me because of him."**

**She whispered, and he shook his head ever so slightly so that the feather pillow rustled loudly against his ear.**

**She drew in a breath, struggling to bring the words to her lips, struggling to realise what it was that she actually wanted to say to him.**

**"All I could think of was that he was the last person to be inside me."**

**She said ever so quietly, and he just about heard her, her fingers fidgeting against his own.**

**"I didn't want you to trigger some sort of horrible memory."**

**She added and she laughed an odd breath of a laugh that she hadn't quite meant to emit, and in that breath he realised how much she wanted to be 'normal' again.**

**"Can I speak now?"**

**He whispered, his eyes glittering, and she smiled slightly.**

**"What can I do?"**

**He asked, and he watched as she frowned and touched her tongue to her teeth, thinking...**

**"Because I'll do anything you want."**

**He added, and again she smiled.**

**She squeezed his fingers and dipped her face, her dimples showing as shadows in her cheeks. **

**She felt him against her, the warmth of his firm, angular body pressed gently against her own.**

**"You're not disappointed?"**

**She asked quietly before looking back up at him, and he smiled a slow smile that curled the corners of his lips perfectly and showed a line of straight white teeth.**

**"I've seen Connie Beauchamp naked, it would be hard to be too disappointed."**

**He whispered, watching as she suppressed a laugh with pursed lips and a raised eyebrow.**

**There was a moments pause, and he wondered whether or not to apologise. **

**She turned her face slightly so that her nose pressed against the pillow, and bought one leg up, bending her knee so that it ran up his own leg and curled over his hip, hugging him closer as her toes wriggled against the back of his thigh and she settled to where she seemed to fit so perfectly.**

**"I didn't mean..."**

**He began but she shook her head and glanced up at him from where she lay, her eyes wide and glassy, her pupils smudge-black and dark.**

**"It's always nice to hear nice things about yourself."**

**She whispered, her voice muffled by the pillow.**

**"Even if I do struggle to believe it."**

**She continued, and as she spoke she leant in with her upper body, and he felt the nudge of her forehead against his throat, the press of her breasts against his chest, and he slipped his fingers free of her own and placed his arm about her, his fingers resting between her shoulder blades, stroking the rise and fall of her bones beneath her skin and as he stroked he felt her body begin to give, to relax against him, her breathing slowed and eventually he felt the gradual slump of her body as she fell back to sleep with her body curled so tightly against him.**

****More soon! xxx****


	23. Chapter 23

**The morning bloomed. A fierce orange glow against the horizon. Frost swept across the fields, glittering and winking and the trees hung frozen raindrops from their branches and shivered in the wind.**

**A plume of smoke rose from the chimney of the little cottage, blue and feather-white and prancing over the log roof, curling at the guttering until it faded from view.**

**Connie stretched, shivering as her toes reached the cool at the end of the bed. She yawned, her eyes still closed and she slipped a hand across the bed sheet, seeking him out, easing herself closer to him and sliding her leg across his own, her arm across his chest, tucking her fingers into the gap between his ribs and his arm.**

**She inhaled, the air was cold and stung her nose. She exhaled through her mouth and opened her eyes, blinking against the pale white sunshine that dipped and slanted through the partially drawn curtains, glinting against the walls and blinding her momentarily.**

**She pushed herself further up so that her head was level with his face, the pillow was cold here and she could hear the rustle of the feathers beneath the cotton.**

**She watched him, his lips partly open, his hair all up at one side like a koala's, the lines on his face – she followed them with her eyes – creasing out from the corners of his eyes. Somehow when he was awake he looked younger, now as he lay here he looked his age, which she guessed to be early thirties. She crept a hand up from beneath the covers and ran it across her own face, extracting the sleep from her eyes and smoothing back her hair, suddenly very aware of just how much older than him she was.**

**As she moved he sucked in a breath and his lips tightened, he swallowed and then his jaw grew slack again. She smiled to herself, and somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach she felt the wince and flutter of something resembling fitful, glorious, anticipation.**

**She crept closer, she could see every pore of his skin, every prick of dark stubble at his jaw...she lifted her head from the pillow and placed a soft kiss against his lips, she felt the ever so slight flicker of his mouth against hers, the unconscious press of his lips against her own. She moved back, resting her head back against the pillow.**

**He opened one eye, creasing up one side of his face to peer at her, his eye a smoky blue in the brilliant morning light. She looked back at him, watching as he focused on her, and she suddenly felt the awful twinge of panic – what if she did look her age...**

**"Morning beautiful."**

**He murmured, his voice thick with sleep and he cleared his throat, watching her as she smiled and dipped her head, her hair falling against her cheek, whisping in curls at her jaw.**

**"Morning."**

**She whispered and he rolled over to face her properly, glancing down briefly as the duvet lifted between them and he caught a glimpse of the bare skin of her chest, the freckles, which he hadn't seen the night before, that scattered her flesh, the curve of her breasts...**

**She caught his gaze and turned her face further into the pillow, nudging against him so that he had no choice but to lift his head.**

**"What?"**

**He whispered, and her hands pressed against his chest.**

**She shook her head, and tugged the duvet about her shoulders.**

**He draped an arm about her, pulling her closer so that he could rest his chin on the top of her head.**

**"Am I not allowed to look?"**

**He asked, and she heard the click of his jaw as he spoke.**

**She gave a gentle shake of her head, hating how child like she had become.**

**"I didn't have you down as being self-conscious!"**

**She felt him smile and his lips pressed a kiss against her hair.**

**"I wasn't..."**

**She paused.**

**"I'm a lot older than you..."**

**She murmured, and she leant back to look up at him. He smiled again, showing the glint of his teeth.**

**"Are you?"**

**He asked.**

**"I hadn't noticed."**

**She raised an eyebrow but remained silent.**

**"So just ****_how _****much older are you, then?"**

**He asked, and she drew in a breath so that he felt her chest expand against him.**

**"How old are you?"**

**She asked after a pause.**

**"Thirty three."**

**He said quickly, and narrowed his eyes with amusement.**

**"Thirteen."**

**She murmured.**

**"You're not thirteen!"**

**"No...I'm thirteen years older than you."**

**She sighed and he batted her playfully on the nose with a finger, making her flinch, and with the same hand he gently stroked the side of her face – her forehead, trailing down across the rise of her freckled cheek bone, to the side of her mouth, just touching her lips.**

**"Forty...six..."**

**He murmured.**

**"That ****_is _****old."**

**He mused and she glanced up at him sharply.**

**"I'm joking."**

**He whispered, and he kissed her before she had a chance to respond.**

**"Don't be silly. I've been imagining you naked since you first arrived and believe me, you've surpassed every expectation..."**

**He grinned, and she expelled a laugh of surprise and rolled over onto her back, his arm that had been about her back now draped across her stomach, his hand over her right breast and he felt her nipple harden beneath his palm.**

**She cast a sideways glance in his direction.**

**"You were the one that moved!"**

**He grinned, touching his tongue to his teeth, and she smiled slowly and let her eyes close, just enjoying the feel of his touch, the soft pinch of his fingers, the gentle pressure of his hand...**

**She let slip a murmur of a groan and she allowed him a moment more before she rolled slowly onto her side again, feeling the cold air replace the warmth of his hand as his arm once again fell about her back.**

**"I will be able to...soon."**

**She whispered, barely able to look him in the eye, she could see how much he wanted her, could feel how his breath had quickened and his pupils were large and dark.**

**"There's no rush."**

**He said as he swallowed, and he drew in a deep breath and yawned, turning his face into the pillow.**

**"I'm going to have a shower."**

**She decided suddenly, though she was reluctant to leave him there...and though he smiled she still felt the omnipresent guilt at leaving him so unsatisfied. **

**"You can get a drink...or watch something?"**

**She said as she slipped free of his arm and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, realising suddenly that she had nothing to hide behind.**

**"I think I'll stay here for a minute."**

**He stretched as he spoke and she caught the tell-tale rise in the duvet between his legs. Of course...she slipped her legs from the bed, her toes touching the floor. For a moment she paused, that guilt, rotting away inside her. Never before had she been unable to perform, sexually.**

**His jumper lay on the floor, she nudged it towards herself with her toes and reached down for it. The material was cold as she pulled it over her head and let the sleeves fall, baggy against her own arms. She shuddered against the chill of it and stood up, tugging at its hem that brushed against her thighs.**

**She'd assumed that he would say something – a quick remark? An amusing comment? Instead he remained silent, just watching her as she padded across the room to the little shower room by the window, a full length mirror flanking it.**

**She closed the door, though it refused to close, the handle stiff and ill-fitting – she'd forgotten – instead the door bumped back and forth against the frame. **

**Max twisted, lying so that he faced the shower room, watching the bump-bump of the door and listening as he heard the sharp squeak of the taps, the bubble and gurgle of the pipes and the sudden gush of water from the shower head. **

**The door buffeted again, he glanced it in the mirror, and as he watched he realised that the very edge of the mirror caught the reflection of the shower. He could see the steam, but not much else. **

**He heard the squeak of wet feet on plastic as she entered the shower, and the creak as she positioned herself under the flow of water.**

** Without a sound, and without much thought, he slipped out of the bed and moved, with the slightest of movements, over to the door, pressing himself against the wall, wincing as the bare skin of his back glanced against the cool of the mirror.**

**He watched her. Her back was to him. He pushed the door so that there was only the smallest of cracks to peer through.**

**She stood under the shower head, her face tilted up, the water pelting against her hair that splayed black and wet with dribbles of water that were running in silver rivulets across her back. **

**She stood motionless for a while and he wondered what she was thinking. And then she turned slightly, took a half-step forward to reach for the shampoo and he caught a quick glimpse of a mark on the inside of her right thigh..a purplish mark, darker than her skin.**

**She stood up before he had a chance to see properly, she squeezed an orb of pearly shampoo into the palm of her hand and stepped back out of the water to work it into her hair, rubbing and tugging at the loose curls that grew white with foaming, glittering bubbles, and then, quite without warning, she turned around so that her back was to the shower, tilting her head back so that the stream of water rinsed her hair.**

**He held his breath, half-expecting her to notice him. **

**The white soap from her hair bubbled and slithered from her shoulders across her chest, peaking and dripping from her nipples, skimming her stomach, her thighs...**

**Her thighs...He stared, seemingly unable to blink. Her left thigh was yellow from a fading bruise that extended up almost to her hip and down to her knee. And as she leant back into the water she shifted one knee, bending it so that he could see what he had caught a glimpse of before – a cross sliced into her skin at the very top of her inner thigh, the scar was still red and raised although the lines were straight as though she had been cut with just two swift slashes of a sharp blade.**

**She moved again and reached for the conditioner, once again stepping out of the stream of water, and as she moved nearer to him he caught the glint of fresh cuts, thin red ribbon-strips across her thigh.**

**She rubbed a thick glob of conditioner into her hair and reached for the little bag of toiletries that she had placed on the ledge behind the shower head. She unzipped it and carefully dipped a hand in, drawing out something that caught the light with a glint. He squinted against the steam, barely able to see. She stood, her hair beneath the water, the conditioner sluicing down her back, and she looked down at herself, at her thighs...running a hand over the thin scabbed cuts, her fingers trailing over the bumps of crusted blood that had yet to wash away. She paused and he saw her take a deep breath in, and adjusted the object in her hand – he saw it, the sleek grey metal of a scalpel blade held between shaking fingers and white knuckles. **

**She turned the heat up on the shower until the water hissed and spat, white hot and she held the small blade beneath it for what seemed like far too long – and then with one quick movement she pressed the blade against her abdomen, low against the groin, dragging it along without making a mark until, with no warning whatsoever save the flicker of her eyelids she pushed down, slicing into her own flesh, pulling it, wincing, her forehead creased, her jaw set, and she stopped as quickly as she had started, drawing her hand away, leaving the cut open, blood pricking the surface of her skin and pooling in rivulets that disappeared as they were diluted with the running water. **

**She let her body fall against the wall behind her, barely registering the pain of the cold wall, instead focusing on the heady rush of adrenaline that throbbed within her ears and hammered her heart within her chest.**

**Her mouth hung open, she gasped for breath and her eyes were half-closed, and as her face began to crumple with tears that never came but wished to be shed, she let herself slide the length of the wall until her body bumped against the white plastic of the shower tray, one hand lying limp by her side, fingers twitching whilst the hand that held the blade rested on her knee, and gradually, as if her arm moved without her consent – as if she had no choice - she bought the blade down again, to the bare skin, just above her knee cap and pushed down again with a sudden jerky movement that made her jump and blood gushed from the wound.**

**He pushed the door open before he'd realised that he was going to, unable to just watch her. The steam billowed and curled about him and she moved so quickly that she skidded and he had to grab a hold of her arm to catch her.**

**And there they froze, his hand about her forearm, the arm that held the blade hovered so close to his own skin.**

**He could hear the blood thumping within his ears, could see her breathing quicken as they stared at one another, neither sure what to say.**

**"What're you doing?!"**

**He asked eventually, his voice desperate and his eyes had an oddlook within them.**

**She didn't answer, just opened her mouth slightly to breath better. The water still ran, hissing and pelting against the ground.**

**"Are you hurt?!"**

**He asked, cursing his own question...of course she was hurt. **

**He twisted her arm and snatched the blade from her. **

**"What were you doing?"**

**He asked again, quieter this time...**

**She seemed as if she were in a trance, her eyes were glazed and he shook her so that she caught her breath and winced at the tight grip of his hand about her arm.**

**"I thought you were ok! You were ok with me in there! ...weren't you?"**

**He shook her again and she let out a whimper of a breath that caught in her throat and in that moment he realised why she wasn't saying anything. **

**He let go of her wrist.**

**"I'm not going to hurt you."**

**He whispered and he stepped backwards, the woman who stood naked, wet and trembling was so alarmingly different from the woman who he had watched enter the bathroom moments before.**

**He reached out, slowly this time but still she flinched from him the way he had seen her flinch from everyone since the attack...his immunity had only taken a second to destroy. **

**He stepped back, out of the shower and placed the blade on the side of the sink, then he turned back to her, standing beneath the light, naked, arms by his sides.**

**"I won't hurt you."**

**He whispered. Her eyes were wide, her hair flat against her scalp and running in wet black strands across her shoulders.**

**Finally she moved her feet, and with the sharp squeak of wet skin on plastic she stood up. **

**She stood opposite him, her body visibly trembling. He glanced away, realising he was seeing her how she hadn't want him to see her. An unrecognisable Connie Beauchamp, bleeding and broken.**

**With the wobble of a leg she moved forwards, stepping out of the shower, she paused momentarily in front of him, looking up at him, as if expecting him to run from her, too disgusted by what he saw before him. She drew in a breath, her eyes searching his for something...though what it was that she was looking for, neither were quite sure...**

**She took hold of his hand with her fingers and led him, without a single word, back into the bedroom.**

**The sunshine had dimmed, grey clouds were skittering across the sky and blotting out the sun and the room had gone from a brilliant yellow to a dull blue.**

**She led him to the bed and turned to face him, her back to the mattress, the backs of her knees touching it and she pulled him to her, letting go of his hand and reaching up, moving her hands across his chest, his skin damp and warm. Her fingers moved up over his shoulders to where they pushed into his hair, her nails against his skin.**

**She made to kiss him but he pulled back, looking down at her.**

**"What are you doing?"**

**He asked, his forehead creased with a frown.**

**"I want you."**

**She whispered and his frown deepened.**

**"Inside me."**

**She added when he failed to respond.**

**He almost laughed.**

**"After that?!"**

**He asked incredulously, though his voice was still only a whisper.**

**She glanced down at his chest, lips pursed, her dimples showing briefly.**

**"How long have you been doing that for?"**

**He asked and she shook her head. **

**"It's not something I make a habit of..."**

**"But you had the blade. You'd planned it..."**

**He cut her off and he felt her struggle for something to say, an excuse, a lie...**

**"I realise it's very 'teenage' of me..."**

**She murmured.**

**"That's not the point. The point is that you're hurting yourself when you're hurt enough already!"**

**His voice began to rise and he struggled against it. He sighed. She shivered again and he placed his hands tentatively on her hips.**

**"The cross on your leg..."**

**"That was him."**

**She said quickly.**

**"Why a cross?"**

**He asked and she looked up at him sharply.**

**"I don't know."**

**She snapped.**

**"I don't know..."**

**She pulled him closer and felt him exhale slowly through his teeth.**

**"I'm not doing this. I'm not having sex with you just so that you can exorcise some masochistic urge..."**

**He stopped, her mouth had fallen open, her eyes wide again and sparkling with un shed tears.**

**"I want..."**

**Her voice cut out on her and she drew in a breath to steady herself.**

**"I want to feel something real..."**

**She whispered.**

**"I want to feel something good. I want you to make me feel that."**

**She pressed up against him, her body so cold and fragile. He leant his forehead against hers.**

**"Tonight."**

**He said finally.**

**"Not now. I want you to be sure."**

**He added softly, and he watched her contemplate his answer. She swallowed and nodded ever so slightly. He was right. She realised. Loathe as she was to admit it, he was right... **

**"I'm sorry."**

**She murmured and he slipped his hands to her back, holding her gently, his head against hers.**

**"I'm sorry..."**

****More later today . Apologies for no updates yesterday, the website appeared to be down. xxx****

****P.S I love the fact that my stories are occasionally read in school...****


	24. Chapter 24

**"Ok?"**

**Max asked, glancing up as Connie re-emerged from the bedroom, dressed, hair dried, make up perfectly applied and her hair tied in a loose knot at the nape of her neck. She looked beautiful, almost – but not quite- perfect.**

**"Ok."**

**She said, and she handed him back the little box of plasters that she had used to cover her cuts. He left them on the work top and handed her a glass of water which she accepted with a murmured 'thank you'.**

**She took a sip. The water was ice cold and she felt it slip from her throat all the way down to her stomach. **

**"Are you hungry?"**

**She asked, setting the glass back down onto the kitchen counter. There wasn't much space in the small room, and with two of them standing there was hardly room to move.**

**"Ravenous."**

**He said, swallowing the last of his water. His stomach ached and growled with a low rumble.**

**"I thought we could go to the supermarket. It's only a ten minute walk."**

**She said, stepping from the kitchen into the sitting room where she moved to the door, taking her coat from where it was hung. **

**Max followed her.**

**"Now?"**

**He asked, watching her. She wasn't one for waiting...**

**"I thought we were in the middle of a forest?!"**

**He asked, reaching for his own coat and shrugging it on over his shoulders.**

**She smiled slowly and pushed her feet into her shoes, and it occurred to him as she did that, though he'd seen her barefoot, he'd never seen her in flat shoes...so used to her in heels was he that when she buttoned up her coat and stood before him whilst he zipped up his coat, he realised how much smaller she was and he smiled slightly.**

**"We're on the edge of the forest. It's not far...what are you smiling about?"**

**She asked, distracted by his obvious amusement. He shook his head and she watched him push his feet into his shoes.**

**"What is it?"**

**She asked again, and he slipped his hands into his pockets, pre-empting the cold outside.**

**"Nothing! You're just...smaller than I thought you were."**

**He smiled again and she paused, not quite sure of what to say. She frowned slightly.**

**"Oh."**

**She said eventually, and she reached for her hand bag.**

**"Is that ok?"**

**She asked suddenly, glancing at him as she placed a hand on the handle, opening the door slowly, the cold air buffeting in, making them both tense, bracing against the wind.**

**He exhaled a silent laugh and nodded, taking a hand from his pocket and reaching out to her, taking hold of her own.**

**"Of course it's ok, it was just an observation.**

**He said and they stepped out into the grey world beyond.**

**"We're holding hands?"**

**She felt his fingers intertwine with her own.**

**"We are...we are..."**

**He paused.**

**"Is that ok?"**

**He asked.**

**"Mmm. Just an observation."**

**She murmured and the ice crackled beneath their feet, snapping as they walked. The cold air making their throats sting and the blind white eye of the sun glinting down on them from behind the clouds.**

**"So where is this supermarket?"**

**He asked as they moved off, hands pressed tightly between them.**

**"This path leads us to it. Well, it leads us to the car park."**

**She murmured, concentrating on her steps so that she didn't slip.**

**"Do I have to hoist you over a barbed wire wall to get in?"**

**He asked and she glanced at him, bemused.**

**"No."**

**She said quietly and he looked back down at his feet, smiling.**

**"There's a gate."**

**She added and he laughed.**

**"So..."**

**He glanced up at her again and she met his gaze, their faces pale and nipped with pink, their breath billowing before their lips as they breathed.**

**"You just used to come up here and work?"**

**He asked and she nodded, turning and watching a dog walker in the near distance.**

**"Don't fancy talking?"**

**He asked, nudging her slightly.**

**"Sorry.."**

**She drew in a breath and blew out a cloud of white.**

**"I used to come up here most weekends. When I found out I was pregnant with Grace I spent a week here. I just come here when I need to think."**

**She murmured, and they nodded a silent greeting to the elderly man who passed them by with his spaniel who bounded quickly about their shoes, sniffing at their heels before lumbering off again with a sneeze and a lick of his wet nose.**

**They walked on, Connie side-stepping a frozen puddle, their arms briefly touching. She caught the twitch of his lips and he cast a sideways glance in her direction. He was thinking something. She'd come to recognise his habits, his quirks...**

**"Yes?"**

**She asked, and his smile widened, his teeth glinting.**

**"Is that the answer?"**

**He whispered, and she slowed her step.**

**"You haven't asked me anything, yet?"**

**She laughed, and he watched with pleasure how her face changed when she laughed. How the lines at her mouth curved about her lips and her eyes sparkled a glittering green.**

**"Ah..."**

**He murmured and he stopped abruptly beneath the bare bough of an oak tree. He reached up with his free hand and took hold of the branch, pulling her away from the path, through the stiff wet leaves to where she stood before him, their fingers still intertwined.**

**"Can I kiss you?"**

**He asked quickly.**

**"Here?!"**

**She asked, she hadn't been expecting him to be so bold...**

**"What's wrong with here? The dappled sunshine? The trees sparkling with frost?"**

**He glanced about them, his eyes focusing on something behind her and he let his arm fall from the tree and pointed with his finger.**

**"That little rabbit over there...it's like a Disney film."**

**He said, and she glanced behind herself, catching the flicker of a white bob-tail disappearing beneath a holly bush.**

**"So...can I?"**

**He asked and she looked back at him, his cheeks were pink, his breath clouding between them and the ghost of a smile just behind his eyes, waiting for her to say yes...**

**"You don't need to ask my permission to kiss me."**

**She said quietly and with that his smile bloomed behind his eyes.**

**"I didn't want you to slap me."**

**He admitted and she arced an eyebrow.**

**"I won't slap you."**

**She promised.**

**"A slap always hurts more in the cold...I didn't want..."**

**She raised herself up on to her toes and kissed him, silencing him. Kissing him slowly, repeatedly until she felt she was kissing his smile.**

**"You're always allowed to kiss me."**

**She whispered.**

****More soon xxx****


	25. Chapter 25

**"Catch!"**

**Max called, and Connie looked up quickly, catching the onion that Max tossed at her from where he stood, only a few feet away.**

**"Why do we need an onion?"**

**She asked, rotating it within her hands.**

**"Because I'm going to cook you dinner."**

**He said triumphantly, turning back to the shelves, scanning the vegetables with much more intensity than was necessary. **

**"Catch!"**

**He tossed a packet of tomatoes at her without much warning and she caught caught them against her chest.**

**"Will you stop throwing vegetables at me!"**

**She snapped, though she smiled as she spoke and dropped both the onion and the tomatoes into the trolley where they rolled about against the metal of it, the onion shedding a layer of papery brown skin that rattled gently against the bottom of the trolley as it moved.**

**"Technically tomatoes are a fruit."**

**He said, pointing at her with the end of a leek that he'd just picked up. The green leafy ends flopping against his jacket.**

**"Are we buying that leek or are you just going to gesture with it?"**

**She asked and he tossed it over in his hand so that the opposite end pointed at her.**

**"I'm drawn to vaguely phallic vegetables."**

**He mused, and she turned and ran her fingers along the sleek green skin of a marrow. **

**He watched her and drew in a sigh.**

**"Yeah...let's concentrate more on the leek...or perhaps a carrot?"**

**He exclaimed, tossing the leek back and picking up a thick, short, carrot.**

**She moved passed him, pushing the trolley and picked the leek back up, taking the carrot from him and placing it back with the rest.**

**"Let's stick with the leek."**

**She said, and moved off passed him, leaving him to follow behind, his jaw aching from smiling.**

**"What else would you like?"**

**She asked as he dropped the leek into the shopping trolley and edged in next to her.**

**They moved along the aisles, passed the fruit and vegetables, the cleaning products, the electrical aisle where screens of all sizes blinked together, showing the same images over and over.**

**"I fancy cake."**

**He said suddenly as they approached the bakery counter. The smell of freshly baked bread and the sweet scent of icing greeted them.**

**"I'm not buying a shop bought cake."**

**She said slightly too loudly, and one of the bakers behind the counter looked up sharply.**

**"Don't look now but I think you're about to be murdered for your snobbery."**

**Max hissed and he placed his hands over her own on the bar of the trolley, forcing her to move along into the home baking aisle.**

**"I'm not a snob..."**

**She began but his laughter cut her off.**

**"I just don't like supermarket cakes!"**

**She continued and he inhaled loudly, amusement quirking his lips.**

**"I'll make you one though."**

**She said as they stopped next to the flour and sugar, a bag had split somewhere and a shower of tiny grains of sparkling sugar crunched beneath the wheels of the trolley.**

**"You can't bake?!"**

**He exclaimed, watching as she selected a bag of flour and placed it into the trolley.**

**"What makes you think I can't bake?"**

**She asked, bending slightly to see the packages of sugar.**

**"You look like that. You save lives for a living...and you can bake? Hardly fair on the rest of the human race now is it?"**

**He mused, looking at the array of brightly coloured sprinkles, edible flowers and candles splayed out across the shelves, though he caught the flicker of a smile at her lips as she selected the sugar that she wanted.**

**"Flatterer"**

**She murmured**

**"...what sort of cake?"**

**She asked**

**"Chocolate."**

**He said decisively, and she crossed the aisle for the cocoa powder, choosing one and turning just In time to see him drop something else into the trolley. **

**"You can't have chocolate cake without icing and sprinkles."**

**He said, and she raised an eyebrow.**

**"Your wish is my command."**

**She breathed, and set off again with the trolley.**

****More soon. Thank you very much for the lovely comments on the last chapter :) Greatly appreciate xxx****


	26. Chapter 26

**"Coffee."**

**Connie held out the jar to Max who was pushing the trolley behind her.**

**"Coffee."**

**He repeated as he took it and nestled it into the shopping at the bottom of the trolley.**

**"Do you have milk?"**

**She asked, wondering briefly where the dairy aisle was. She had a vague feeling that they'd already passed it.**

**"Max?"**

**She glanced round. Max was leaning against the metal shelves, head bowed, seemingly deeply engrossed in a packet of tea bags.**

**"Max?"**

**She crossed the aisle back to him and he raised his eyes, quickly looking over his shoulder at a woman who was retrieving something from a shelf and placing it into her basket. She was young, blonde, and startlingly pretty.**

**Connie watched her as she backed out of the aisle having found what it was that she was looking for.**

**"She's gone."**

**She said flatly, and Max relaxed, his shoulders lowering and he pushed the tea bags back onto the shelf so that they were facing the wrong way.**

**"Who was that?"**

**She asked, turning the tea bags around so that their label faced outwards.**

**"Oh...ex-girlfriend."**

**He muttered, avoiding eye contact and looking down at what they had in the trolley.**

**"You didn't want to see her?"**

**Connie asked, watching as said ex-girlfriend reappeared and passed by the top of the aisle.**

**"Um...no."**

**He paused, his cheeks were flushed.**

**"She cheated on me with a friend...a female friend. Nothing to do with my sexual performance I hasten to add."**

**"These things usually aren't."**

**She murmured and he began pushing the trolley into 'frozen foods'.**

**"So you're not quite over her?"**

**She asked slowly, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Watching how he shook his head.**

**"No, I'm over her."**

**He said and glanced at her, her eyebrow raised in disbelief.**

**"I am! She kissed like a hoover. Even if she were the last woman on the planet...and the leader of an alien attack force forced me at ray-gunpoint to kiss her on the cheek, and I'd already been warned, through an interpreter, that he would blow up the world if I didn't, I still wouldn't. That's how much she means to me."**

**He gushed and she smiled at his discomfort – it was oddly endearing that he felt it necessary to justify himself to her.**

**"Good answer, but betray the whole planet for a kiss? - A bit cavalier, isn't it?"**

**She mused, by passing the frozen deserts.**

**"I said there were no other people left...It wouldn't matter."**

**He muttered, quickening his pace to keep up with her as they moved into long gleaming aisle of bottles of alcoholic beverages.**

****"They might come back? ******They might be hiding on another planet."**

**She let slip a smile of amusement as she spoke, and he placed a hand on the bar of the trolley to stop it, realising suddenly that she was not only winding him up, but that she was enjoying it.**

**"****Well, I would kiss her and then fall on my sword."**

**He stated firmly, his hand still next to hers on the trolley, a finger raised, running along the top of her knuckles.**

****"******You have a sword?"**

**She smiled and he bit the skin of his bottom lip, nodding.**

"Yep.**** And ******It wouldn't even be a proper kiss."**

**He added and she drew in a breath, frowning slightly, contemplating his words before looking back up at him.**

****"******What's a proper ki-"**

**Before she could finish her sentence he dipped his head to hers, kissing her with a suddenness that startled her. His lips were warm and soft and pressed so firmly against her own that she had little choice but to kiss him back..to touch her tongue against his...shivering as he placed a hand to her jaw, his fingers just touching the skin behind her ear whilst his thumb rested at the very corner of her mouth.**

**"Good to see you two are getting on so well."**

**A voice that they both recognised startled them and Max broke the kiss, stepping back away from her so quickly that he stumbled into another customer, who swore under his breath as Max mumbled a half-heard apology while the other man moved away.**

**"Charlie!"**

**Connie touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel Max's kiss, could still taste him in her mouth. She glanced across at him.**

**"Just be glad it wasn't your sister."**

**Charlie said, still smiling, and he nodded to Max who stood very still in the middle of the aisle, unsure what to do with himself.**

**"We were just..."**

**Connie began, but tailed off when she realised she could think of no other reasons as to why they had been doing what they were doing.**

**"You were kissing."**

**Charlie said matter of factly, and Connie let out an exhale that sounded as strangled as it felt.**

**"I'm glad to see you're looking happier, Connie."**

**He added, and he placed a hand against her arm, squeezing it gently as he moved passed them, giving a brief nod to Max as he went.**

****More soon! xxx ****


	27. Chapter 27

**"Coffee."**

**Connie held out the jar to Max who was pushing the trolley behind her.**

**"Coffee."**

**He repeated as he took it and nestled it into the shopping at the bottom of the trolley.**

**"Do you have milk?"**

**She asked, wondering briefly where the dairy aisle was. She had a vague feeling that they'd already passed it.**

**"Max?"**

**She glanced round. Max was leaning against the metal shelves, head bowed, seemingly deeply engrossed in a packet of tea bags.**

**"Max?"**

**She crossed the aisle back to him and he raised his eyes, quickly looking over his shoulder at a woman who was retrieving something from a shelf and placing it into her basket. She was young, blonde, and startlingly pretty.**

**Connie watched her as she backed out of the aisle having found what it was that she was looking for.**

**"She's gone."**

**She said flatly, and Max relaxed, his shoulders lowering and he pushed the tea bags back onto the shelf so that they were facing the wrong way.**

**"Who was that?"**

**She asked, turning the tea bags around so that their label faced outwards.**

**"Oh...ex-girlfriend."**

**He muttered, avoiding eye contact and looking down at what they had in the trolley.**

**"You didn't want to see her?"**

**Connie asked, watching as said ex-girlfriend reappeared and passed by the top of the aisle.**

**"Um...no."**

**He paused, his cheeks were flushed.**

**"She cheated on me with a friend...a female friend. Nothing to do with my sexual performance I hasten to add."**

**"These things usually aren't."**

**She murmured and he began pushing the trolley into 'frozen foods'.**

**"So you're not quite over her?"**

**She asked slowly, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Watching how he shook his head.**

**"No, I'm over her."**

**He said and glanced at her, her eyebrow raised in disbelief.**

**"I am! She kissed like a hoover. Even if she were the last woman on the planet...and the leader of an alien attack force forced me at ray-gunpoint to kiss her on the cheek, and I'd already been warned, through an interpreter, that he would blow up the world if I didn't, I still wouldn't. That's how much she means to me."**

**He gushed and she smiled at his discomfort – it was oddly endearing that he felt it necessary to justify himself to her.**

**"Good answer, but betray the whole planet for a kiss? - A bit cavalier, isn't it?"**

**She mused, by passing the frozen deserts.**

**"I said there were no other people left...It wouldn't matter."**

**He muttered, quickening his pace to keep up with her as they moved into long gleaming aisle of bottles of alcoholic beverages.**

****"They might come back? ******They might be hiding on another planet."**

**She let slip a smile of amusement as she spoke, and he placed a hand on the bar of the trolley to stop it, realising suddenly that she was not only winding him up, but that she was enjoying it.**

**"****Well, I would kiss her and then fall on my sword."**

**He stated firmly, his hand still next to hers on the trolley, a finger raised, running along the top of her knuckles.**

****"******You have a sword?"**

**She smiled and he bit the skin of his bottom lip, nodding.**

"Yep.**** And ******It wouldn't even be a proper kiss."**

**He added and she drew in a breath, frowning slightly, contemplating his words before looking back up at him.**

****"******What's a proper ki-"**

**Before she could finish her sentence he dipped his head to hers, kissing her with a suddenness that startled her. His lips were warm and soft and pressed so firmly against her own that she had little choice but to kiss him back..to touch her tongue against his...shivering as he placed a hand to her jaw, his fingers just touching the skin behind her ear whilst his thumb rested at the very corner of her mouth.**

**"Good to see you two are getting on so well."**

**A voice that they both recognised startled them and Max broke the kiss, stepping back away from her so quickly that he stumbled into another customer, who swore under his breath as Max mumbled a half-heard apology while the other man moved away.**

**"Charlie!"**

**Connie touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel Max's kiss, could still taste him in her mouth. She glanced across at him.**

**"Just be glad it wasn't your sister."**

**Charlie said, still smiling, and he nodded to Max who stood very still in the middle of the aisle, unsure what to do with himself.**

**"We were just..."**

**Connie began, but tailed off when she realised she could think of no other reasons as to why they had been doing what they were doing.**

**"You were kissing."**

**Charlie said matter of factly, and Connie let out an exhale that sounded as strangled as it felt.**

**"I'm glad to see you're looking happier, Connie."**

**He added, and he placed a hand against her arm, squeezing it gently as he moved passed them, giving a brief nod to Max as he went.**

****More soon! xxx ****


	28. Chapter 28

**"He won't tell anyone."**

**Max said as Connie poured two glasses of wine, placing the bottle back neatly on the coffee table and handing him one.**

**"I know he wont."**

**She murmured, dipping her lips to the glass and taking a much needed sip. She swallowed and squinted down at the hand of cards that she had been dealt.**

**"So why the long face?"**

**He asked, taking a gulp of his own drink and wincing at the bitterness of it.**

**She raised an eyebrow at him and leant back against the base of the sofa from where she sat on the floor, opposite him, the fire crackling and wheezing behind his back.**

**She watched the flames, blue at the base and rising in a fit of flickering, violently orange flames that licked and spat at the inside of the chimney breast.**

**"Connie."**

**He poked her with his finger.**

**"Cheer up."**

**He poked her repeatedly until she sucked in a breath and blinked, regaining focus.**

**"You can't make me laugh by poking me."**

**She sighed, and looked again at the cards. Suspecting somehow that he may be cheating.**

**"Perhaps not. But I can make you orgasm."**

**He said, the second bottle of wine making him bold, though he still felt the glint of embarrassment as she looked back at him.**

**"By poking me?"**

**She asked eventually and he flicked the corner of one of his cards with the edge of his thumb. **

**"Well...not with my finger. Well...actually I could...but I meant..."**

**"I know what you meant."**

**She cut him off, and though the irritation that Charlie had caught them kissing was still there, she managed a smile and flexed her toes, nudging him, her legs extended out between them.**

**"What've you got?"**

**He asked, changing the subject and using his free hand to adjust her left foot so that it lay in his lap, and he began pushing and rubbing at it, distracting her all the more.**

**"I haven't got any more money, you'll have to lend me some."**

**She sighed. His thumb pushing into the ball of her foot felt so nice that it was all she could do to stop herself from closing her eyes and letting her head – foggy with wine – fall back against the sofa cushions.**

**"It doesn't have to be money."**

**He said, stopping briefly in his ministrations to re-order the cards that he held.**

**"Well, I haven't got anything else."**

**She said, wriggling her foot in his lap so that he'd rub it again.**

**"The toaster?"**

**She offered suddenly and he laughed out loud.**

**"No...thank you. You're drunk."**

**He smiled, his face smudged and dark, his body a silhouette against the raging fire.**

**"Not quite. What then?"**

**She asked, resting her wine glass on her knee so that the base made a circle of condensation on her jeans.**

**"A kiss."**

**He said, shifting himself slightly and resuming his massage of her foot, moving his hand to her ankle.**

**"I fold..."**

**She murmured, making to place her cards down, but his quick smile stopped her and she narrowed her eyes.**

**"Your choice."**

**He whispered and she glanced again at her cards.**

**"You're bluffing."**

**She sighed and he held up his cards so that he could see them better.**

**"I am, yeah."**

**He mused, and looked at her over the top of them, the edges of the paper pale and illuminated by the flames.**

**"OK, I'll see you for a kiss."**

**She said finally, and placed her cards down between them, next to her knees and watched as he did the same.**

**"Ah, well, read these and weep quite a lot."**

**He smiled, and she cast an eye over his cards.**

**"A full house..."**

**She murmured and he rubbed at the heel of her foot.**

**"Yep. An entirely replete fixed abode."**

**He sighed and he took another gulp of the wine, coughing as it hit the back of his throat.**

**"You weren't bluffing!"**

**She huffed and began to gather up the cards.**

**"I never do."**

**He murmured, watching her, refusing to pass her the cards that he still held.**

**"I'm putting them away?"**

**She said, reaching out for them but he smiled slowly and placed them on the table.**

**"Well, hard cheese, because you are now rather poor and you owe me a kiss, and I'd like to collect my winnings before dinner...please."**

****More soon xxx****

****And I will update my other two stories tomorrow. We are all still ill and it's difficult to concentrate on writing with two sneezing, wheezing, coughing, vomiting toddlers.****

****Anyway, thank you ever so much for the lovely comments.****

****M is for... Thank you! Your last comment about my writing, and how you could picture everything made me smile. That's always what I aim for, though I do try to cut back a bit on description as I obsess over it occasionally and get a bit carried away. Also...RE! How on earth do you get away with reading in school?! When I was at school (I'm very aware that makes me sound old) our teachers could tell if we passed wind let alone sat reading a story! xxx****


	29. Chapter 29

**"Thank you for dinner."**

**Connie murmured, tilting her head so that it rested on Max's shoulder. **

**They sat together on the sofa before the fire. The flames licked and crackled and occasionally spat out burning hot cinders onto the hearth, and once a log rolled free and Max knocked it back in with the fork he'd been eating with.**

**He smiled and ran his lips against her hair, staring into the flames, watching how they danced and frolicked, his eyes blurring. **

**He blinked.**

**"S'ok."**

**He murmured and kissed the top of her head, almost without meaning to.**

**She yawned, he felt her chest expand and relax back against him and she placed a hand upon his thigh, just letting it rest there, feeling the warmth of him beneath the fabric.**

**"You're tired."**

**He whispered and she manoeuvred herself so that she could look up at him, her jaw against his shoulder now.**

**"Mmm.."**

**She stretched against him and sat up.**

**"Bedtime, I think."**

**She sighed, and yawned again into the back of her hand. Her hair hung loose at her back where it had begun to slip from the knotted bun she had tied that morning, and she struggled to get up, her body limp, exhausted. **

**She reached out a hand to him and followed her into the bedroom.**

**The room was cold and she shivered as soon as they'd entered. She closed the door and drew the curtains quickly before turning on the bedside lamp, casting the bedroom in a low orange glow.**

**He sat on the end of the bed and took off his socks, turning them into a ball and standing to unbuckle his belt but as he did so he felt the cold press of Connie's fingers and she moved before him, her hands covering his own.**

**"Have you forgotten?"**

**She asked, her head cocked to one side, her eyes dreamy in the half-light.**

**"I thought you were tired?"**

**He asked, though he smiled and she bit her lip.**

**"Not too tired."**

**She whispered, and she stood on tip toes to kiss him.**

**"It's too cold to undress slowly."**

**He breathed, kissing her back.**

**"Get undressed and I'll meet you under the duvet in 12.2 seconds."**

**He added, her lips smiling as they pressed against his.**

**"You certainly know how to seduce a woman."**

**She murmured, and moved away from him as he laughed, shrugging herself free of her own clothes, listening to the jangle of his belt buckle as he stepped from his jeans and pulled off his top and jumper together in one quick movement.**

**She dipped her lips beneath the edge of the duvet as he clambered in next to her, disguising her smile, and rolled over to face him.**

**"Bloody freezing!"**

**He hissed, they were both shivering.**

**He reached for her hands beneath the duvet, touching her fingers, pulling her closer so that they shivered within one another's arms. He kissed her, ever so gently, kissed the corners of her lips, her mouth, just dipping his tongue to hers, tasting the wine on her breath and raising a hand to push his fingers through her hair, his thumb brushing against her jaw.**

**She broke the kiss to look back at him, her lips blushed and her eyes dark.**

**"You ok?"**

**He asked, and he realised he had stopped shivering. **

**She nodded, breathless, she could feel how hard he was against her already and the thought of it sent a brief flicker of nervousness through her.**

**"I didn't think to bring condoms with me."**

**He whispered, frowning so that the pillow creased against the side of his face. She smiled slightly.**

**"I'd worry If you had thought to bring them."**

**She murmured, and she kissed him again.**

**"Don't worry, I have the Copper coil."**

**She whispered and he raised an eyebrow though he continued to kiss her whilst he spoke against her lips.**

**"I'm not sure what that is, but ok?"**

**He mumbled.**

**"And I don't want foreplay"**

**She added. He raised an eyebrow, narrowing an eye at her.**

**"You don't?"**

**He asked and she shook her head.**

**"I didn't realise there were going to be rules..."**

**He whispered, running a hand from her shoulders, down beneath the duvet and across her waist, her hips, hesitating at the very top of her thigh where his fingers drew circles on her skin.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She exhaled and glanced down between them to the shadow beneath the cover, his fingers gradually moving up and down across her side.**

**"Nervous?"**

**He asked and she looked back up at him, relieved to see the worry there, knowing that he would look after her.**

**She nodded.**

**"I just want to feel you inside me...I just want to feel..."**

**"I know."**

**He cut her off and leant his head against her own, the tip of his nose touching hers.**

**"But if I trigger any bad memories please don't hit me."**

**He murmured and she bit the skin of her bottom lip, twisting as he shifted, moving on top of her, pausing to allow her to curl her legs over his own, holding himself up above her on his elbows.**

**"I won't hit you."**

**She whispered.**

**"Sure?"**

**He murmured, feeling her stomach flutter against his.**

**"I'm sure."**

**She whispered and he allowed himself to move just that little bit closer to her, his body resting gently against hers, one hand just slipping beneath the covers, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh of the back of her thigh, forcing himself to ignore the cuts beneath his fingertips as he, ever so slowly, pushed himself inside her.**

**He felt her tense, her breath quickened, her eyes widened with a flicker of fear and for a moment he thought that she would change her mind, but as he withdrew slowly, and gradually pushed back into her, she began to relax, her legs stopped trembling and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to be taken by him, rolling her head back against the pillow and arcing her back so that her chest pressed against his whilst he trailed hot wet kisses down the length of her neck.**

****More tomorrow!****


	30. Chapter 30

**They awoke to a sharp cracking sound. Connie held her breath, in her dreams it had sounded like a gun shot, though now as she listened she heard the cracks were longer, and followed by the shuffle of white snow on the roof. The ice was melting.**

**She smiled, moaning a yawn, stretching as Max held her tightly, his body curled about hers from behind, his face pushed against her hair, repeatedly kissing her neck, her shoulders, until she laughed and rolled over.**

**"Morning."**

**She murmured and he kissed her on this lips, wrapping his arms about her as she did him.**

**"Morning."**

**She whispered, and focused on him, his hair tousled, his eyes sleepy, yet smiling. They'd had only a few hours sleep between rounds, though what they'd had, had been sound. **

**"I need a wee."**

**He yawned and rolled over onto his back, turning his head to face her.**

**"You look so beautiful when you've just woken up."**

**He murmured, and touched a hand to her face, gently pushing away the stray hairs. She smiled against his fingers though she didn't quite believe him.**

**He shuffled himself to the edge of the bed, wincing at the cold of the sheets and slipped out of the bed, placing his feet on the ground and stretching before he stood up. Connie watched as he stretched, every muscle taught and rigid and he ran a hand through his hair. **

**"Shit! Fuck, Christ!"**

**His knee gave way slightly as he took a step and he had to place his hand against the wall to steady himself. **

**"What happened?"**

**She asked, worried he'd stepped on something, or hurt himself.**

**He flexed his leg quickly and carried on, on his way around the foot of the bed to the bathroom.**

**"Nothing, just a bit weak kneed from last night."**

**He said, watching her smile, her teeth against her bottom lip.**

**"Don't laugh, you wait till you get up. If you're not bow legged they'll be trouble."**

**He tossed her a vaguely amused glare and disappeared into the en suite.**

**She rolled over onto her stomach and spread herself out beneath the duvet, reaching out with her legs to the cold at the bottom of the bed and then retracting her limbs slowly and she shivered and tugged the covers up to her jaw.**

**She listened to the sound of the taps running, the toilet flushing and the door opening with a creak and a dull thud as it knocked back on it's hinges.**

**"Breakfast in bed?"**

**He asked, and she heard the jangle of his jeans, the belt swinging from it's loops.**

**She peered over the duvet at him, he was naked and busy turning his jeans the right way out again. She smiled into the back of her hand and felt the brief tightening of her stomach as she thought about last night. How she'd grasped hold of him, her nails making little half moons across the skin of his back as he'd thrust into her.**

**"What do you fancy?"**

**He asked, tugging on the jeans and buckling them up before reaching for his jumper.**

**She shook her head.**

**"Surprise me."**

**She whispered and he pulled the jumper down over his head, his hair tufting up at the back of his head in rather an endearing way.**

**She watched as he left the room, leaving the door open as he went. She sighed happily and rolled over to get comfortable again, the duvet encasing her, the warmth making her shudder. **

**She heard the soft thud-thud of him opening and closing cupboards in the kitchen, and the gentle hum of the little electric oven being turned on followed by the clatter of plates and the hiss of water as he filled the kettle.**

**Then for a moment their was silence, and then the quiet murmur of the television came on, she heard the beat of the BBC News, heard him cough and the creak of a floorboard as he moved back into the kitchen. She knew her choices would be limited, they'd only bought the bare essentials.**

**Eventually the need to go to the toilet herself became too strong and she slipped from the covers, shivering against the bitter cold air and hurrying to the en suite. **

**Moments later she re-emerged, and quickly she located clean underwear and pulled on Max's jumper from the day before, pushing up the sleeves so that they didn't dangle about her hands and she pushed her hair from her face, twisting it into a loose knot so that it stayed there at the nape of her neck.**

**She could hear Max humming something whilst he moved. She smiled to herself, this strange situation had somehow become the domestic bliss she'd always wondered about, but had never experienced. **

**Curiosity got the better of her and she padded silently from the bedroom and into the sitting room, leaning against the door frame to the kitchen where she watched him, his back to her, his head bowed over a pan on top of the oven.**

**"What're you making?"**

**She asked quietly and she saw him flinch slightly. He looked over to her and pointed accusingly at her with his wooden spoon.**

**"You're supposed to be in bed."**

**He said, and placed the spoon back into the pan before it dripped.**

**"I'm impatient."**

**She smiled, and he glanced at her as he sucked something from the tip of his thumb.**

**"Bow-legged?"**

**He murmured, and gave whatever was in the saucepan another stir. She shook her head, still smiling.**

**He puffed out a breath and frowned.**

**"I'll have to try harder tonight."**

**He said, and she raised an eyebrow, though she remained silent.**

**"Go and sit down, it's nearly ready."**

**He instructed and she dutifully turned and made her way slowly into the sitting room. The fire had been lit, she moved to stand in front of it, feeling the heat against her legs and she showed the palms of her hands to the flames, warming her cold fingers and listening to the crackle and spit of the wood as it burned. **

**She glanced to the television at the mention of local railway delays, perhaps they would explain their own delay on the way down. She listened, but the fire was loud and the television on low so that she only caught the odd word.**

**She yawned, loathe to move away from the warmth of the fire for the remote. Max was humming something again, she recognised the tune, though she couldn't place it. **

**The fire gave a pop and spat a glowing splinter of wood out onto the hearth, where it rolled, smoking onto the wooden floorboards. She bent to flick it back in with bare fingers, feeling the quick burn of it as it flicked back into the flames.**

**As she stood up she glanced over at the television again. They were showing a brief segment from Holby City station, the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen announcing more delays due to signal failure. **

**A train was shown pulling into the station, passengers milled about, and the reporter moved out of the way to let them by whilst doing his piece to camera. She looked behind him to the people, harassed mothers, business men drinking take away coffees...she frowned. Someone stood on the platform, his back to the camera, just like 50% of the people there he held a take away cup and every so often he raised it to his lips. **

**But that coat. She knew that coat. The high collar turned up about his neck...Armani fall collection 2013. **

**She was holding her breath, she knew him, she remembered...**

**_Cafe Lola..._**

**He turned to face the camera, he sipped his coffee...**

**_Cafe Lola...the best coffee on this side of the street..._**

**All at once she saw his face, slightly pix-elated behind the news reporter, and as he glanced to the camera, looking straight down the lens she flinched, she felt cold, suffocated though she couldn't move. **

**He was here, she realised. He was in England.**

**And she remembered...**

**He'd held her down over her desk, one hand pushing down on the side of her head so hard that her jaw clicked and her teeth pressed bare against the wood, his body so heavy above her that she could barely breathe. **

**It hadn't occurred to her to scream, though the crush of her chest between his and the desk would have meant it impossible anyway. **

**He'd pushed up her skirt whilst he forced himself into her he'd told her over and over...**

**"Now you won't forget me."**

****More soon! Thank you for the lovely comments, they're always welcome! xxx****


	31. Chapter 31

**"Breakfast is served!"**

**Max came in with a clatter of plates, pausing, expecting her to turn. Instead she stood transfixed.**

**"Connie?"**

**He tried again, but it was as though she couldn't hear him. He set the plates down, catching a fork as it began to slide from the plate and made his way over to her, reaching out to her, but as he placed a hand upon her shoulder she jerked violently, a half-strangled cry came from deep down in her chest and she struggled to catch her breath as she turned, not expecting to see Max there...**

**He retracted his hand, her eyes were wide and wild and her lips trembled as though she were cold. **

**"What's wrong?"**

**He asked, seeing the glint of un-shed tears within her eyes, though this time he didn't reach out to her, afraid of her reaction.**

**She just looked at him for a moment, staring at him, barely breathing. She'd paused the television. She still held the remote, though as she turned she forgot she held it and it fell from her fingers to the floor where the casing split and a lone battery rolled out from the back.**

**"Come and eat, I've made you..."**

**"I don't want to eat."**

**She whispered, barely sounding like herself, her throat so choked up and painful, her voice so strained...**

**"But I just made it for y..."**

**"I DON'T WANT IT!"**

**She shouted so loudly that he jumped and took a step back from her, watching as her whole body shook within his jumper. She raised a trembling hand to her lips, still staring at him, she hadn't meant to shout...he looked so hurt...**

**She blinked, and a tear scuttered down one cheek to her jaw, and she drew in a breath as though she were suddenly coming back to life and she fell against him, her fists balled up against his chest and it took him a moment to react, to wrap his arms, tentatively at first, about her.**

**He just held her, feeling her shaking against him, until finally she drew in a long, jaggered breath and she whispered desperately against him.**

**"That's him."**

**She hissed, pushing up a hand between them and placing a finger into her mouth, biting down on it, trying to stop the violent rattle of her teeth inside her own head.**

**"On the television."**

**She gulped in a breath without meaning to.**

**"On the television, that's him. It's him."**

**She whispered and whilst she struggled against her own body's reaction to her memories, he stared over her shoulder, into the face of the man who had broken her.**

****More soon! The next update will be longer, I just felt this worked better if I left it as this one scene. Hopefully you think so too?!****

****M-is-for... I particularly enjoyed imagining Connie in Max's oversized jumper too, hence my writing it. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the lovely reviews that you write! And you will find out soon who the rapist is, and what his motives were...and why he's still in England...****

****Kendal-Rose: I'm glad you've discovered this one too, I hope you're enjoying it as much as Heavy Rain?!****

****To those that asked if you could see the picture I drew of Amanda Mealing, it's here - art****

****And to all of the 'guests' who write reviews – thank you! ****


	32. Chapter 32

**"I don't know what to say."**

**Max whispered, looking down at his hands, they were pale, and his fingers fidgeted against one another whilst his knee jiggled up and down repetitively.**

**They were sat on the sofa next to one another, though not quite touching. He was bent forwards, his hands clasped between his knees whilst she sat stiffly, perfectly upright and staring ahead, the television still paused on that one image. The man she would never forget staring blankly back at them, coffee cup mid-way to his lips.**

**He looked over at her.**

**"Do you remember everything?"**

**He asked quietly and she blinked, her lips twitched before she pursed them, inhaling through her nose as she nodded, swivelling her eyes to look at him.**

**"Everything."**

**She confirmed quietly and he looked back to his fingers, not wanting to look back up at the screen before them.**

**"Should we..."**

**"I'm not speaking to the police."**

**She said quickly, her voice so hard, her teeth clenched so that her jaw began to ache and pulse behind her cheeks, her teeth grinding and squeaking together.**

**"That wasn't what I was going to say."**

**He murmured, the loveliness of the weekend seemed to have left with the snow, and like the weather, which was slowly growing warmer, there was no chance of it returning though he wished it would...**

**She didn't ask what he had been going to say, and he didn't tell her. Instead he leant back slowly, allowing the sofa cushions to encase him and he held out an arm to her which she eyed suspiciously.**

**He gestured with his hand for her to come closer and she exhaled, giving in and leaning against him. He held her tightly, rubbing his thumb up and down along her upper arm until he felt her relax.**

**"I think we should go back."**

**She whispered against his bare chest, her breath tickling his skin, and the brief memory of last night flitted across his mind, how every one of her breathless kisses from his lips to his chest had made him ache for her...how warm she'd been, how unlike her steely professional persona she'd been as she'd pulled him closer to her, deeper into her, kissing him as though she'd fought against it for years.**

**He sighed, exhaling the weight from his shoulders through dry parted lips.**

**"Are you sure?"**

**He asked, turning his head so that his lips pressed against her hair. He felt her draw in a long breath that she held within her chest before releasing it, and she nodded again.**

**"I need to get back. I need to prove to him that he may have hurt me, but he hasn't broken me."**

**She said firmly, though there was a slight wobble to her voice that lessened as he tightened his grip on her. How secure he made her feel, even now...**

**"You can take as long as you need? You don't have to go back right now..."**

**"I do...Max, I do."**

**She looked up at him, his body so warm against hers. She glanced to his lips, even now she wanted to kiss them, to have his kisses make everything better. She felt the prick of a smile at her mouth, how childish the thought was.**

**"I need to."**

**She added, and she slipped her fingers into his palm, holding onto him tightly.**

**"Will you come with me?"**

**She whispered and he smiled, still this vulnerable Connie surprised him, but he liked how needed it made him feel.**

**"Of course I'll come with you!"**

**He said, slightly confused, he had no intention of staying without her. **

**"I meant, will you be there? when I go in, will you stay with me? I don't want to be in the office on my own."**

**She glanced down at their hands, embarrassed by how pathetic she felt.**

**"I'll stay."**

**He said, and she exhaled, relieved. **

**She moved slowly from the sofa, pulling him with her towards the bedroom so that they could pack their things, but before they made their way into the bedroom she stopped abruptly, turning to him ,still holding his hands and she let out a breath, smiling ever so slightly.**

**"I love you for everything you've done for me."**

**She whispered.**

**"Thank you."**

**"You're speaking as though it's the end of it...us...?"**

**He murmured.**

**She shook her head, smiling more now so that her dimples showed beneath her freckles.**

**"It's not the end, it's just the beginning."**

****More tonight. ****

****Kendal-Rose: I'm so glad everyone likes Tristan in Heavy Rain (I'd originally written him to kill him off!) I've fallen a little bit in love with him I think ;)****

****Poisonous Snowflake: Glad you are feeling better and you enjoyed the last chapter!****

****And to all of the guests...thank you! ****

****As for the drawing I did of Amanda Mealing, I did try to put in a link at the bottom of the last update, perhaps they are not allowed and automatically deleted? I'll try again but if it disappears again, the link to my website ison my little profile thingy on here, the picture is on the 'Art' page. Xxx Link: art****


	33. Chapter 33

**They took a taxi home, avoiding the train delays, though both were glad that they didn't have to wait at Holby station, remembering who had stood there before them, though neither said anything.**

**As they neared the city Connie instructed the driver to change course slightly and head straight for the hospital.**

**Max glanced at her, but knew better than to question her. He could see her gradually rebuilding those prized barriers, gradually piecing together someone else, her other self, not just Connie, but Connie Beauchamp ****MBBS FRCS (CTh) FETCS...**

**It took only a couple of minutes for them to reach the hospital. It loomed before them, grey as the sky behind it. **

**She paid the fair and opened the door, stepping out quickly with her bag, not giving herself the time to second guess her decision.**

**"So..."**

**Max took the bag from her hand, she watched him take it from her and looked up at him as they moved together towards the entrance.**

**"What are we doing here?"**

**He asked, keeping his voice low.**

**Connie pushed her hair back from her face, though the wind whipped it back again so that it caught on her lips, in her mouth...**

**"I'm double checking."**

**She answered cryptically, and she teased another strand from her mouth, pushing it firmly behind her ear.**

**They reached the double doors, moving through them and into reception.**

**"Double checking..."**

**He coaxed as they made to by-pass reception, all to aware of the stares and backward glances tossed in their direction.**

**"I want to watch the CCTV footage. I want to double check that it was him."**

**She murmured.**

**"Morning Mrs Beauchamp..."**

**Noel called, Louise standing at his side, clutching paperwork to her chest, her chin lowered,her eyes watching...**

**"Morning."**

**"Back then?"**

**"I am."**

**Her heels cracked sharply against the floor, her hair, now tamed, bounced against her shoulders...she was back.**

**They made their way through onto the ward, the smell hit them, bleach, surgical spray...A ripple of glances faded in their wake, paling into a murmur of gossip, and as they reached her office Max felt the tug of someone's hand on his arm. **

**He turned, Robyn held up her hands.**

**"And where have you been?!"**

**She exclaimed, glancing quickly to Connie who remained expressionless.**

**"Me?"**

**Max stalled.**

**"Uh...we've been away, Charlie said...he said...I've just been, helping really..."**

**He cleared his throat and pushed his hands into his pockets, trying to ignore the amusement that curled Robyn's lips.**

**"You're not...?"**

**She began, looking again to Connie, her eyes narrowed with suspicion and she placed her hands on her hips.**

**"We're not?"**

**Max repeated and Robyn raised a pale eyebrow.**

**"Well, you are just friends, right?"**

**She asked, and Connie folded her arms about her chest.**

**"Correct."**

**She said, and Robyn looked up at her, her cheeks flushing pink as they so easily did.**

**"Max has been incredibly supportive. I don't think I need spell it out to you that a man and a woman can have a non-sexual relationship?"**

**Connie continued, her voice steady, her eyes staring Robyn down until the nurse felt compelled to look away.**

**"No..."**

**She murmured and looked down at her hands, and without another word she turned to leave, but as Connie made her way over to the office door she caught the 'Good Luck' that Robyn whispered to Max before her retreat.**

**She rested her hand upon the door handle, looking pointedly to Max.**

**"Why did she say good luck?"**

**She asked sharply, and Max drew in a breath and shrugged.**

**"Because she thinks you're terrifying. I'm sorry...are we...have I just imagined the past few days?**

**He exhaled and watched as she narrowed her eyes, her lips so perfectly pink and the corners down turned slightly.**

**"Sorry?"**

**She murmured and he rolled his eyes, his hands moving within his pockets.**

**".I don't know...a man and a woman can have a non-sexual relationship? Unless I'm very much mistaken, what we did last night was pretty sexual...very...very sexual actually...In fact, correct me if I'm wrong but we did have sex, numerous times...you can't get more sexual than that."**

**"Will you stop saying 'sex'."**

**She hissed, cutting him off, and he drew in his bottom lip, biting against it with his teeth, trying not to laugh at her.**

**"In the office."**

**She murmured, and opened the door.**

**"Sorry."**

**He sighed as he passed her by and waited as she closed the door behind them.**

**"I wasn't telling you off, I was just saying we should go into the office."**

**She said quietly, shrugging off her coat and hanging it on the back of the door.**

**"Oh...it's hard to tell with you sometimes."**

**He mused, following suit and pulling off his jacket, turning to hang it up over hers but finding her staring at him.**

**"I'm joking...trying to lighten the mood...hello?"**

**He'd moved over to hang his coat on the door as he'd been speaking but as he reached up to the coat hook the door swung open and he had to step backwards to avoid being hit.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp?"**

**A man neither of them recognised entered, he was tall and broad like a rugby player and his face was lined and tanned, his head bald and as he moved his scalp caught the light.**

**"I'm sorry, did I say come in?"**

**Connie asked, taken aback. **

**The man smiled slightly and shook his head, showing the palms of his hands.**

**"No, but I've been asked to accompany anybody using this office...after what happened to you...what with them not finding the attacker..."**

**He said, his voice was thick and he had a northern accent, similar to Max's own.**

**Max glanced from the man in the doorway to Connie, he caught the slight tremble of her hand, and could see the quickening of her pulse at her throat.**

**"Thank you but that won't be necessary."**

**She said quickly, and Max moved towards her, standing ever so slightly in front of her and reached for her hand, just touching his fingers against her own, feeling the shake of her hand against his.**

**"I'm afraid I have to stay."**

**The man said with a shrug of his shoulders.**

**Connie parted her lips, struggling to fight down the anxiety that she felt beginning to build.**

**"You have to?"**

**Max asked, repeating his words, and he looked at him, glancing quickly to their hands...the closeness of their bodies.**

**"I've been asked to keep an eye on you."**

**He said, looking back at Connie, ignoring Max.**

**Connie exhaled sharply, and Max couldn't quite tell if she was about to laugh or if she was beginning to panic.**

**"Oh really! Well, there really is no need, so kindly leave me alone, before I call security."**

**She laughed, though the sound of it was hollow and the man in the door way sighed loudly and folded his arms so that his upper arms stretched the fabric of his shirt taught.**

**Max felt the flick of Connie's fingers, could feel her breath quicken. She was beginning to panic. **

**"I am security"**

**The man laughed, though he wore no badge.**

**"Well then, kindly show yourself out."**

**Connie said with much more strength than she felt and he cocked his head to one side, regarding her with obvious amusement.**

**"If you say so."**

**He sighed, and he began to back out of the door.**

**"Before you go!"**

**Connie called out abruptly and he stopped mid-step, hand on the side of the door to pull it closed.**

**"Who asked you to keep an eye on me?"**

**She asked, her words catching as she spoke. But he merely shook his head and with one movement had closed the door behind himself.**

****More soon! In the next Chapter Connie will explain to Max who the attacker was...xxx****

****Apologies for no updates last night, we're having great trouble with our internet connection after one of my children drove their sit in car into the router!****


	34. Chapter 34

**Connie pushed the DVD into the drive of her laptop and waited while it whirred and clicked and a black box appeared in the middle of her laptop screen. She sat before it, Max leaning over her shoulder, one hand resting on the desk.**

**She double clicked and the black box filled the whole screen. There was a crackle of white and then the video from the security cameras began to play.**

**She folded her hands into her lap, feeling Max's breath rhythmically against the side of her head as she forced herself to watch.**

**On the screen members of staff and members of the public milled back and forth, a wheelchair paused briefly and they saw Rita speak to the man who sat within it. **

**Max made his way passed a couple of times, and Connie found herself watching him more intently, following his movements, the slow swagger of his walk, the smile and glint of his eye as he mouthed something to Cal who raised up his middle finger in passing and Max's on screen image laughed a silent laugh and Connie remembered, from within her office that day, hearing somebody laugh loudly from just outside. **

**She glanced down to the time at the bottom of the video, the seconds ticking down, any moment now she would see him. She watched with bizarre fascination as she appeared on the screen, she remembered now, she'd opened the door and looked out for some reason, she watched herself, she'd forgotten why she had opened the door as soon as she had done it, and even now she couldn't remember why she had...**

**The hazy form of herself, her hair against her shoulders, her white blouse loose against her chest...she stood for a moment watching the people pass by, still she had no recollection of what she had been doing in the office prior to that moment of forgetfulness.**

**Then Max passed by again pushing a a child on a bed and as he passed her by he tossed her a smile, and from behind her she felt his breath quicken...**

**"I remember that smile."**

**She murmured, and he pressed his cheek against the side of her head, his body warm and comforting against her back**

**On the screen Max had almost disappeared, but just before he moved out of shot he'd glanced back just once to Connie who hadn't noticed...but now she saw, and she couldn't help but allow the slip of a smile to crack her dry lips.**

**She watched herself move back into the office, and the door closed. Seconds ticked by and no body else appeared in the corridor. Twelve seconds of silence in all.**

**And then she saw him, and before she realised it she'd hit pause, more from the reflex, his appearance making her jump.**

**Her finger paused over the play button, her hand trembling and she licked her lips. Max remained silent, just waiting, only the back of someone visible, the same slick black Armani coat with the oversized collar pulled high and a black peaked cap pulled down so that the only skin visible was the tip of his right ear.**

**She made to press play but somehow her finger refused to move, and it took several attempts to convince herself to press the button until she actually managed to. **

**The picture on the laptop sprung back into life and they watched him walk quickly to the office, not once did he hesitate, not even when he reached the door, where, with one quick movement he had opened It and he was in, the door closed behind.**

**And there they waited, staring at the screen, Connie barely able to breathe through the seconds that followed, counting them, loosing count, glancing up at the grainy shadow of her doorway on the screen as if wiling herself to come out unscathed.**

**She felt herself become light headed and realised that she had been holding her breath...she couldn't bare to think of what was happening, couldn't quite comprehend what she was watching.**

**It took almost four minutes for Max to appear again, he stopped abruptly, and Connie realised that must have been when he had heard her scream for the first time. She felt Max tense behind her, heard him faintly clear his throat...**

**On screen it only took him a second or two to react, but Max had been convinced it had been longer. They watched as he suddenly began to move again, he hesitated before the door, almost flinching backwards from it – he must have heard something – and then he opened the door, but almost before he had entered, the man came out, pushing passed Max so roughly that for a moment it looked as if he might tumble over.**

**Connie leant back slightly, pressing herself against Max, instinctively leaning back from the image on the screen as he walked towards her, his face obscured by his hand holding his collar tight about his face, and he walked as he had done earlier, with such purpose that no one would suspect a thing...**

**One minute and thirteen seconds later Max appeared in the doorway carrying Connie within his arms. She felt Max look away behind her, unable to look at the screen, though she found she couldn't look away, transfixed by this bizarre out of body experience she seemed to be having. **

**This part she would never remember, as she lay within Max's arms, unconscious, her head lolling back against him as though her neck were broken, and she looked unmistakeably dead.**

**The video ended and the screen turned black again.**

**Connie exhaled and felt the cool at her back as Max stood up. She twisted around in the seat to find him standing staring at the wall, his eyes glittered and he tilted his chin back as if to tilt the tears back in.**

**"Max..."**

**She whispered and she watched as the very corner of his mouth twitched in response and he looked at her as though if he tried to speak, he may never stop crying.**

**She stood up and reached out to him, touching the rough wool of his jumper at his elbow, fingering the loose threads, hesitating before curling herself against him, waiting whilst he wrapped his arms slowly about her back, her head against the thump of his heart and his chin firmly against the top of her head.**

**She closed her eyes and just listened to his heart beat for a moment, taking comfort in it's quiet beat.**

**"Who was he?"**

**She felt him struggle to speak, his voice thin and his breath staggered.**

**She remained silent for a moment, rolling the thoughts about within her head, squeezing her eyes closed even tighter before exhaling and opening them just enough to see the curve of his chest beneath the jumper.**

**"He was a surgeon in the states."**

**She began slowly, carefully, all to aware that if she spoke too quickly she might spook herself and be unable to continue.**

**"I didn't know him that well, but we worked together a few times...we met up a couple of times after work, he said he would show me the best places to eat..."**

**She stared at the fabric of his top until it became a blur of colour before her eyes.**

**"It went on for months, he'd take me out, we'd have fun, and then we'd go home...separately. But then he started behaving differently, for a while he sent me flowers, bought me chocolates, rang me incessantly just to hear me say hello and then he would hang up...and then it was as if he were frustrated, as though I wasn't behaving in the way that he had expected me too...that I wasn't 'returning the favour...or at least the feelings'..."**

**She closed her eyes again...**

**"He told me that he loved me, that he wanted more from me...and I told him that I knew that he was married."**

**She paused, bracing herself.**

**"He went home and I thought it was all over with. But that night his wife was admitted to the department with stab wounds, he said that she'd been mugged but..."**

**She felt Max stiffen and she drew in a steadying breath.**

**"She died. And when he came to me to tell me that he still loved me, and that now we could be together, I told him that I didn't love him...couldn't love him, that I didn't want him...I think he blamed my not loving him in return, for him murdering his wife..."**

**She whispered and Max tilted his head in towards her.**

**"Why is he not in prison?"**

**He asked, his voice void of emotion and Connie held him tighter.**

**"Before medicine he'd worked for the police force...I don't know what happened, but like everything, it helps to have friends in high places..."**

**She tailed off and he uncurled his fist and placed his palm flat against her back.**

**"You know it won't be the same here...with the police..."**

**He said quietly and she sighed slowly. She knew that, deep down, she knew that now that she could prove it, that he wouldn't get away with it, not here.**

**"Come with me."**

**She whispered, and he tightened his grip on her and nodded ever so slightly.**

**"Of course I will."**

**He said.**

****More soon! Apologies for the huge delays I've been so busy in amongst everyone being ill. Back to regular updates now! Reviews welcome as always! xxx****


	35. Chapter 35

**"Are you off?"**

**Charlie asked as Max followed Connie back through reception and towards the double doors.**

**********_"_****I usually am when I'm putting my coat on."**

**Connie murmured, buttoning up her coat and tugging her bag back up onto her shoulder. Charlie watched them leave, noticing how Max stayed just that little bit behind her, as though somehow that would through people off the scent.**

**"Are we going to the police station now?"**

**Max asked, waiting whilst Connie unlocked the car.**

**"Before I lose my nerve."**

**She said and opened the door, tossing in her bag and slipping gracefully into the seat, the leather squeaking and moulding to her body as she clipped on her seat belt.**

**Max closed his door and she briefly checked her mirrors before reversing out of the parking space and pulling off, taking the corners just a little too quickly as she manoeuvred the car out of the car park and out onto the road. **

**The sun was high and the cloudless blue sky hung above them, seemingly optimistic in it's brightness. **

**The drive to the police station was short, too short, Connie felt, too short to gather her thoughts together into something resembling coherence. They parked a little way from the entrance, outside were parked a long clean line of police cars, all glinting in the sunshine, waiting to be needed.**

**"Ready?"**

**Max asked eventually, and Connie smiled slightly, feeling her heart thump within her neck, literally feeling the skin fluttering at her throat.**

**She looked down at her hands that lay resting in her lap, she looked at her fingers, unmoving and white, traced with grooves and lines, they looked older than she remembered, she felt older...she glanced at him, his face was pale and his jaw was tense though he attempted a smile.**

**He reached out a hand and touched her own, his own fingers protecting hers, masking the lines and wrinkles with the smooth surface of his. **

**"What do I say?"**

**She whispered, she could see the reflection out of the corner of her eye in the rear view mirror. She felt cold.**

**His coat shuffled as he drew up his shoulders, trying to think of what to say, what to tell her to say...**

**"You tell them what happened."**

**He said eventually and she smiled slightly at the simplicity of what he'd said, how she wished it was that simple...to go into that police station, and, to politely tell the police officer who was manning reception that day, that she had been raped, and that not only had she just found out who It was that had so violently assaulted her, but that he was here, in the country, in the city..perhaps he was even in the next car...**

**She found herself glancing to the next car but it was empty.**

**Without allowing herself to think further, she placed a trembling hand on the handle and opened the door, stepping out into the cold and feeling the heel of her stiletto wobble before finding a groove in the cement to rest in. **

**Max slammed his door making her jump. She locked the car and he was beside her, walking with her passed the lines of cars to the entrance.**

**Once inside she realised she barely had any recollection of making their way across the police station car park, and was somewhat surprised to find that they were standing in the small reception, waiting for someone to come into the little office area. **

**They glanced about themselves, there was a line of brown leather seats, but they remained standing. By the door was a tall pot plant, and above them was the screen of a security camera, showing them an image of themselves from above, and Connie thought for a moment how unflattering the images on security cameras seemed to be. Was there really any need for it...**

**"Connie, I just want to say..."**

**Max touched her arm, bringing her out of the day dream that she had found herself in and she looked away from the screen, looking back at him, his face illuminated from the milky winter sunshine that showed through the glass door.**

**"I just want you to know that you're not alone."**

**He said quietly, looking slightly uncomfortable, as though he had only just scratched the surface of what he wanted to say.**

**She smiled slightly and reached out to take his hand, not worrying that he would feel how she was shaking.**

**"Just...I just..."**

**He began again but he paused, not finding the right words, and he let out a sigh and tilted his head to look at her.**

**"I'll always be here...if you need me."**

**He said eventually, still struggling to put into words all that he felt and all that he wanted to say to her. **

**She smiled as if she knew anyway, and she squeezed his fingers, her lips quivering slightly.**

**"I need you."**

**She whispered.**

****More soon xxx****


	36. Chapter 36

They sat, waiting, whilst the police officer before them finished writing up the notes.

Connie glanced up at the clock, it had taken her little over fifteen minutes to tell him everything, and now she felt somehow as though that hadn't been long enough, that fifteen minutes hadn't felt long enough to get across to the young, ginger haired police man that this was something important.

"Is that all?"

He asked, looking up at her over a pair of black rimmed glasses and she laughed unexpectedly. She felt Max glance at her, his hand on her thigh beneath the desk.

She cleared her throat and touched her fingers to her lips.

"Yes, that's all."

She said quietly and Max pressed his fingers against her leg again.

"Ok, Mrs Beauchamp, we'll get this processed, but for now I'd suggest we have an officer on duty outside your house, just to be on the safe side."

He spoke as though he was bored, as though he'd been through this sort of situation over and over again...or worse, that he suspected she was merely over-reacting and the image of a person she had seen on the BBC news wasn't who she knew it was at all.

He stood up slowly and gathered up his note pad and pen and stood by the door to the little room, holding it open for them, waiting patiently while they stood, arranged themselves and slipped passed him.

"Is that ALL?!"

Connie hissed as they made their way down the short corridor, back through reception and out into the sunshine.

Max let his shoulder bump up against hers and he sought out her fingers as they crossed the car park.

"And I don't want someone waiting outside my house."

She muttered, and Max couldn't help but smile at how sulky she sounded.

"You've got to be careful, how would Grace feel if anything happened to you?"

He asked, and he saw the flicker of something pass behind her eyes.

"I know how I would feel."

He added quietly as they stopped at the car and Connie reached into her pocket for her car keys. She looked up at him, eyebrows very slightly raised, her fingers paused on the metal of the keys and without any warning she retracted her hand from her pocket and took hold of the front of his jacket, balling up the fabric within her fist and pulling him closer, so that he had to take his hands from his own pockets to steady himself before she kissed him, her face cold against his and her lips pressed so hard against his, she opened her mouth, feeling him relax slightly as she touched her tongue to his and slipped her other hand up across his chest, feeling how solid he was beneath the layers he wore.

"I want you."

She pulled away ever so slightly as she spoke.

"What, here?! Bit kinky..."

He flashed a grin and she felt compelled to kiss him again, but instead she shook her head and stepped back from him, resting both hands against his chest and glancing down between them.

"Sorry..."

She whispered and his smile began to fade and he reached out to her to stop her from moving away, his hands moving around her waist to hold her still and he stepped closer, interlacing his fingers against her spine.

"Don't be sorry."

He leant forwards and kissed her on the forehead.

"You can have me. But first, let me take you somewhere."

He whispered, looking down at her, feeling her begin to shiver.

"Where?"

She asked and he shook his head, smiling again.

"It's a secret. Keys?"

He held out his hand and she hesitated, looking up at him, one eyebrow raised.

"You want to drive?"

She asked slowly and he looked down pointedly to the pocket where her keys were. She frowned slightly and he gave a soft half-laugh.

"You trust me enough to have sex with me, but you don't trust me enough to drive your car?"

He asked quietly and she frowned again, though this time she reached back into her pocket and withdrew the keys, holding them out to him.

"Sure?"

He asked and she nodded.

"You won't regret it."

He said, and gestured theatrically for her to make her way round to the passenger seat whilst he unlocked the car.

They drove for half an hour, Connie only took a moment or two to relax as Max drove, and for the first half of the journey she had glanced over at him occasionally, just looking at him, the angular arc of his cheek bone and the line of his jaw, the occasional purse of his lips, the glint of his eye, a fractured blue and squinted as the sun bloomed from behind a cloud.

She smiled faintly and let her head rest back against the head rest, allowing her eyes to close as she yawned and felt the warmth of the sun on her face as it came through the window and in that brief spell of quiet warmth she fell asleep.

She was awoken by a soft jolt of the car as it turned into a drive, and the engine turned off. She lifted her head, no idea of how long she had been asleep. She turned to face him, he was smiling at her, his eyes clouded with affection.

"Where are we?"

She asked, dipping her head to see out of the wind screen. The sun was beginning to grow low in the sky and it hung a brilliant burning orange behind the trees.

"My house."

He said quietly, and she looked out at the student housing.

"Max..."

She murmured but he silenced her with a brief shake of his head.

"No ones there. Robyn and Lofty are working a double shift, they're saving up to go on holiday..."

He tailed off and drew up his shoulders.

"I wanted to show you where I live...if you can stomach this then I know you're really interested."

He winked as though he was joking but there was the nervousness within his eyes that hinted at his genuine worry that she might even refuse to go in.

He watched her look back out of the wind screen at the house, her mouth slightly open, her eyes wide as she strained to look through the glass and the setting sun shone brilliantly against her hair, making it glow auburn against her shoulders.

"I just let you drive my car..."

She murmured, as though he shouldn't need any more proof, and without another word she opened the door and stepped out onto the gravel of the drive. She shivered, it was growing steadily colder and she could see her breath billow out before her.

Max hurried to the door and she followed him, pulling her coat tight about her chest, waiting whilst he fumbled with a sticky lock and kicked the bottom of the door to let them in.

"What do we do now?"

She asked, following him into the small sitting room, casting an eye about the clutter and half drunk cups of hot chocolate...

"Now, you sit, try to relax, ignore the smell, we don't know what it is, and I am going to cook for you. Then I'm going to run you a bath, and then...who knows..."

He smiled widely and watched her move a pile of Robyn's laundry so that she could sit down, and he made his way into the kitchen.

**More soon x Have just started working on a novel (a real one ;) ) so trying to divide my time evenly between everything I'm writing. xxx**


	37. Chapter 37

"Nice? It's the only thing we had..."

Max asked, and Connie touched the corners of her lips with her hand, she hadn't had spaghetti bolognaise since she was a child.

"It's lovely."

She murmured, though she'd left most it, preferring instead to sip the lemonade he'd poured her into a wine glass.

"Not hungry?"

He asked and she smiled slightly, still glancing about the room every so often as if she was expecting someone else to appear.

"I could make something else?"

He asked but she shook her head and her smile grew, he was so kind, she thought.

"I'm fine. Just not that hungry, after today..."

"Well!"

Max cut her off though he hadn't thought of what to say, he didn't want her to think of her attacker, or the police, or anything other than relaxing.

"About that bath..."

He said quietly, standing up and taking hold of both bowls, balancing them on one arm with the practised skill of a waiter and left her to follow him into the kitchen.

"You know you don't have to?"

She murmured, watching as he scraped her uneaten food into the bin and began rinsing out the bowls under the tap.

He looked over at her.

"I'm going to run you a bath whether you like it or not."

He said and he placed the dishes on the draining board and shook his hands instead of drying them with a tea towel.

"candles...bubble bath, Robyn's, not mine..."

"You?"

Connie asked, tilting her head and Max laughed.

"I don't think there'll be room."

He said but she smiled and held out her hand to him which he took with his slightly damp one.

"Show me?"

She asked and he drew in a breath, propelling himself from where he stood and, still holding her hand he led her upstairs to the top of the house to the bathroom opposite his room.

She waited patiently on the landing, watching as Max rifled in the bathroom cupboard, finding tiny rose shaped candles and placing them on the rim of the sink and along the window sill before using the lighter from his pocket to light them and filling the bath with hot bubbling water, the bubbles rising and hissing as they grew.

"M'lady?"

He gestured for her to enter and she smiled and she joined him, closing the door behind her, making sure to lock it despite the house being empty, and she began slowly unbuttoning her blouse, slipping it from her shoulders and placing it on a peg on the back of the door before reaching for the zip of her jeans.

"Aren't you going to at least try?"

She asked, and he looked down at the bath, gauging it's size, it was a corner bath, the taps in the middle and he couldn't imagine it would be that comfortable if they did both manage to get in, but he tugged his jumper off over his head nonetheless and pulled down his jeans, trying not to watch her undress, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

Once they had both undressed, Max held out a hand to her, helping her into the bath, there was no mat and the bubble bath had made it slippy. She bent down, arranging herself beneath the water, her legs curled up against her chest and she looked up, watching as he stepped in behind her, she felt the water ripple and wave back and forth and the ceramic of the tub squeaked as he sat down, she felt his knees at her back.

"I feel like we're in a boat."

He said, taking hold of the edge and moving his legs one after the other so that she sat in between his thighs and leant back against him, feeling him move so that he could rest back against the end of the bath, and at last they were comfortable.

Max draped his arms across her shoulders, his hands pressed flat against her chest and the top of her head rested against his cheek.

There was a ripple of water and she lifted her hand to run her fingers over his, the water lapping against her rips and rushing up between her breasts to pool in the little dip in the centre of her collar bone.

It was all he could do not to stare down at her, the soft curve of her cheek and her mouth just in view, a soft smile at it's corners, her hair curled in wet black curlicues against her shoulder and the gentle swell of her breasts that rose and fell as she breathed, the rest of her body hidden beneath the bubbles.

She drew in a long breath and sighed, shifting ever so slightly so that she was just an inch or so higher up, her body pressed tightly against his beneath the surface of the water and she turned, arcing her back to kiss him on the cheek, smiling and brushing her lips against his stubble.

He slowly traced a vague heart shape on the wet skin just above her right breast, then paused, all of a sudden he couldn't remember which side the heart actually was. He drew a slightly larger one now, the point of it stretching up the soft curve of her chest and he felt her hold her breath, pushing up ever so slightly, waiting as he drew a third, her nipple stiffening beneath his fingers. She rolled her head so that he lips touched against his throat and he felt her breath vibrate against him.

"You're hard."

She whispered, she could feel his erection against her back.

"Of course I'm hard, you're laying on top of me naked."

He murmured, his breath whispering against her forehead.

She smiled a slow satisfied smile and moved slowly against him.

"You should do something about that."

she sighed.

**More soon! xxx**


	38. Chapter 38

**"Tell me something true."**

**Connie whispered, her head resting on Max's chest, her legs stretched down the length of the bed, the cover loosely pulled up to their waists.**

**"Something true, something true..."**

**Max inhaled as he spoke, his chest rising beneath her, his skin was warm smelled of bubble bath.**

"I hate peas."

He said at last and she smiled gently against him, tracing small circles against the skin of his stomach, feeling the flutter of his skin beneath her fingertips.

**"No, something real, something no one else knows."**

**She murmured.**

**"Something no one else knows..."**

**He repeated it slowly, rolling the words around his mouth, narrowing his eyes.**

**"Well, that's a very difficult question."**

**He decided, and he exhaled and tilted his head so that she could feel the stubble of his jaw against her forehead.**

**"Why's that?"**

**She asked quietly, and she stopped drawing circles and pressed her hand flat against his stomach, feeling the heat of him and the soft hairs that curled beneath her palm.**

**"Because I can only think of one thing that nobody else knows, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell you it."**

**He said slowly, and she raised herself up slightly so that she looked down on him, her hair falling over one shoulder, the waves of it pooling against his chest.**

**She just looked at him, not sure whether she was waiting for him to speak, or whether she was just thinking over what he'd said, wondering whether it could have meant something else...**

**But she could see it on his lips, they hesitated, half open as if he couldn't quite bring himself to speak.**

**"What about you?"**

**He whispered finally, and his voice came out all in one breath, relieved to find something to say.**

**She drew in a breath, held it for a moment and let it out slowly through her nose.**

**"Too many things."**

**She breathed, and she shuffled closer to him.**

**"But more than anything I'm scared."**

**She whispered. **

**He tightened his grip on her, brushing his chin against her.**

**"What're you scared of?"**

**He asked quietly.**

**She cleared her throat.**

**"Aside from the obvious?"**

**She asked, all to aware that he hadn't wanted her to think of the attack, of the policeman sitting outside her house and he nodded against her.**

**"I'm scared of this..."**

**She let her words tail off and he waited for her to continue.**

**"I'm scared that you'll give up on me, that I'm just some passing fancy...and I'm scared of what people will think..."**

**"Because I'm just a porter?"**

**He cut in softly and she raised her head to look up at him again.**

**"I've just had enough of being gossiped about, and this...this would just give them more to laugh about."**

**She looked down at him, wishing he could understand.**

**"Why would they laugh?"**

**He asked carefully, looking back up at her, her hand pressed firmly against his chest.**

**She sighed again and slipped her hand up to touch his collar bone.**

**"Because I'm a porter?"**

**He said again and she frowned.**

**"No! No...even if you were a doctor, or a consultant, you're still a lot younger than me, I'm sure most people would assume It was just a fling..."**

**She stopped, aware that what she'd said implied that it was something more.**

**"And people like you, the staff like you, I don't want your being with me to negatively affect you."**

**He frowned as she spoke and placed a hand across his face, briefly covering his eyes.**

**"This is a bit deep for post-sex talk."**

**He mumbled, slipping his hand from his face and letting it fall against the pillow.**

**"I just don't know if I can handle all of that at the moment. And as for Guy...I don't want to give him any more reasons to get rid of me."**

**She pulled in a breath.**

**"I don't want to have the added pressure of living up to other people's expectations, to have them waiting for us to fail..."**

**"I know."**

**He said quietly and he cupped the side of his face with his hand.**

**"Is that why you do it?"**

**He asked after a pause.**

**"Do what?"**

**"You push people away. You don't let them help you, even when you need it...you terrify and disappoint them from the start and then you're covered?"**

**He asked and from above him she her jaw tightened and she looked down at him without blinking.**

**"Something like that..."**

**She murmured and he ran his thumb along the length of her jaw.**

**"Well! You screwed up."**

**He said with a slight shrug of his shoulders.**

**"Pardon?"**

**She frowned, though he smiled.**

**"You never disappointed me."**

****More soon. My children have been surprisingly well behaved today so I've managed to update quite a few of my stories. Hope they've been enjoyed and everyones having a good day! xxx****


	39. Chapter 39

**Connie awoke to a creak on the landing and for a moment, in her foggy state of half sleep she whispered 'Grace'... and then, realising that Grace would be tucked up in her own bed at boarding school she exhaled and turned over, and with a start she realised that Max lay next to her and all at once it dawned on her where she was. **

**His room was dark, the house silent, she had no idea what the time was, she hadn't meant to fall asleep. She twisted, and as she did she caught the 'click' and close of the bedroom door.**

**She paused, holding her breath, she hadn't seen who it was, and she had no idea whether or not they'd seen, or recognised her.**

**She placed a hand on Max's chest, her fingers were trembling and his skin was surprisingly cold. She pulled the covers up over him and felt him stretch and he murmured something before opening his eyes.**

**"There was somebody at the door..."**

**She whispered, and it took him several moments to fully rise from his sleep.**

**"What?"**

**He mumbled, squinting against the dark, only making out the outline of her against the curtains.**

**"Somebody just opened your door."**

**She said again and she watched him glance over to the door, it was closed now, only the faint strip of light showed from below the door, shining a pale yellow against the carpet.**

**"Robyn, probably checking I'm here."**

**He yawned, failing to realise how panicked she was.**

**"What if she saw me?!"**

**She whispered, and her whole body stiffened as she heard another creak from outside and saw the flicker of a shadow move by behind the door.**

**Without saying a word Max pushed his legs free of the cover and stepped out into the cold, reaching blindly into the dark for something to wrap about his waist before he padded across the room to the door.**

**"What're you doing?"**

**Connie whispered, but he murmured a 'shh' before opening the door and stepping out into the blinding light of the landing. He pulled the door to, she heard the gurgle of water and flush of the toilet and then murmured voices. **

**She rolled onto her side, tugging the thin duvet up to her ears. The bed smelled of Max, the familiar comforting smell of his body embedded in every spring and fibre of the mattress. She breathed him in, trying to steady the gallop of her pulse within her throat, trying to convince herself that if Robyn had seen her, it wouldn't be so bad...**

**After only a minute or two the door opened again and Max reappeared. He closed the door firmly and she heard him drop whatever it was that he'd held about his waist and he was clambering back into the bed, his feet nudging her, trying not to step on her.**

**"Did she see me?"**

**She asked, and his body slipped beneath the covers, he was cold and he pressed against her making her skin prickle.**

**He shook his head and cleared his throat softly.**

**"She saw someone, but she didn't see it was you."**

**He said quietly and he bought his arms up around her, stroking her back, his fingers warming as they lazily ran the length of her spine, and gradually her body began to slacken against him.**

**"Would it matter that much...?"**

**He asked after a pause, his breath hot against her face.**

**"Max..."**

**She whispered, and she felt the rebound of her own breath against her mouth. **

**He pulled her tighter to him, moving the fingers of one hand in circles at the base of her spine, finding a particularly smooth stretch of skin that ran across from one hip to the other.**

**"I can't...not now..."**

**"I know."**

**He nudged his forehead against hers so that the tip of his nose pressed against hers and she felt the wince of excitement in the pit of her stomach as she thought of just how close his lips were and she couldn't help but raise her head ever so slightly so that her top lip just brushed against his and she felt him smile.**

**"You're ever so sexy..."**

**He whispered, his lips bumping against hers with every word, and it was her turn to smile.**

**"Am I?"**

**She murmured, and she shifted against him so that she could feel the gentle nudge of his erection against her stomach.**

**"You are."**

**He whispered, though his breath caught slightly as she slipped a hand down between them, skimming his chest and slowly easing her fingers across his stomach making him smile and hold his breath until she touched him and as he bent in to kiss her the wind rattled the glass in the windows, the trees murmured and a silent 'I love you...' whispered between them.**

****More soon...I have a poorly toddler so struggling to find the time to write (there is always something...!) Hopefully what I managed to write is enjoyed...xxx****


	40. Chapter 40

**It was morning. The sun cast shadows of the trees across the ceiling and the bright yellow of it burned at the backs of their eyes as they struggled to wake. **

**Max tightened his grip about her waist, her back pressed against his chest and he yawned, moaning into her ear.**

**"Morning."**

**She whispered, rubbing her eyes and smoothing the hair from her face. He squeezed her again and pressed his lips against her shoulder.**

**"Morning."**

**He kissed the very top of her shoulder, his stubble scratching gently against her skin.**

**There was a noise from downstairs, the sound of a kettle being placed on it's stand and the murmur of voices. Connie could hear the rumble of Lofty's voice and the sudden burst of laughter from Robyn.**

**"I shouldn't have stayed."**

**She murmured, and Max kissed her back again.**

**"How am I going to get out?!"**

**She asked, rolling over to face him, his smile greeting her, those lips, those straight white teeth and sparkling blue-grey of his eyes...**

**"Maybe you should stay, instead."**

**He whispered and she watched his mouth as he spoke, adoring the soft flex and tense of his jaw...**

**She groaned and stretched into him, turning her face into the pillow.**

**"They'll leave for work soon, you can stay, I'll make you lunch?"**

**He tempted, and she smiled up at him from where she lay, one arm loosely slug about his waist, her fingers drawing patterns on his back.**

**"That sounds nice..."**

**She sighed.**

**"Yeah?"**

**He murmured, rolling himself over so that he was on top of her, holding himself up above her.**

**She made to say something in response but there was the soft creak of someone on the stairs and she stiffened, widening her eyes at him.**

**"Just Robyn going to the toilet, she has to go at least twice before she leaves..."**

**He bent his head to kiss her but as his lips touched hers the bedroom door opened and both Robyn and Lofty appeared in the doorway.**

**"We're just going in, are you..."**

**Robyn stopped abruptly, her mouth open, her blue eyes wide and Lofty stood behind her, just staring.**

**Connie looked up at Max whose body pressed against hers, willing him to say something but for several moments there was nothing but silence, and then eventually Max exhaled and cleared his throat.**

**"I uh...I think I'm staying here today."**

**He said finally, all to aware that if he moved, the cover would be pulled away from Connie.**

**"Oh-kay..."**

**Robyn said slowly, still staring, Connie could feel the burn of her eyes on her, and finally she turned, making eye contact.**

**"Sorry, Mrs Connie...I mean Mrs..."**

**"It's fine."**

**Connie said sharply, her voice sounding louder than she'd expected it to and she felt Max jump slightly.**

**Robyn's cheeks flushed a dark pink and Lofty put a hand on her arm, trying to coax her away, back out of the door.**

**"We'll just..."**

**He gave Robyn another shove and she stumbled out of sight and the door closed with a bang as Lofty shuffled her out onto the landing.**

**Connie exhaled and Max collapsed on top of her, his head against hers, they could hear hushed voices from behind the door.**

**"I'm so sorry."**

**Max murmured into her neck, but she just lay still as if in a state of shock.**

**Robyn shrieked something from outside and Max let out a long sigh and rolled off of her and out the other side of the bed.**

**"I'll get rid of them."**

**He said, and he staggered about for a moment trying to pull on a pair of boxers without falling over before he made his way to the door, opening it abruptly so that the voices on the landing stopped.**

**He closed the door and she heard the creak of the stairs and Max's voice descending with them.**

**She sucked in a breath, she couldn't do this. She squeezed her eyes shut, she imagined the gossip...more gossip, more haunting looks, more whispering...**

**Robyn laughed from somewhere downstairs and ever so quietly she tossed back the covers and slipped out of the bed. She found a dressing gown that hung on the back of Max's door, it was dark blue and smelled thickly of smoke though she drew it about herself anyway and opened the door without making a sound.**

**She stopped and listened when she reached the top of the landing. There was a window at the top of the stairs and she saw the shadow of a sea gull against the wall. **

**She could hear them, Robyn was giggling again. She felt dizzy, her skin felt hot and she struggled to breathe properly.**

**She placed a foot tentatively on the top step, it creaked slightly as she made her way down to the next one, but the one after that was silent. She made it to the middle of the stairs before she sat down, forcing herself to breath slowly so that she could listen.**

**"I just can't believe that YOU have had sex with Mrs Beauchamp?!"**

**Robyn was laughing so much that her words were like breathless shrieks.**

**"Multiple times, actually."**

**She heard Max say. She swallowed hard, willing him to just leave it, to come back to her.**

**"I thought she'd have barbed wire knickers!"**

**Lofty was speaking now, and his words sent Robyn off into another fit of laughing snorts.**

**"Uh...no."**

**Max said, and there was the sound of a lid being taken from the kettle and the squeak of a tap followed by the gurgling rush of water and the tinny note of the kettle filling.**

**"So what was it like?"**

**Lofty lowered his voice so that she struggled to hear.**

**"What?"**

**Max's voice was muffled now, and she imagined him walking to the opposite end of the kitchen to place the kettle on to boil.**

**"What was it like...with HER?!"**

**Lofty asked, and she could tell he was smiling by the way his words sounded.**

**"Right, Lofty, pay attention."**

**Max spoke loudly, as though he were only a foot or so away from her, his back to the closed door.**

**"Yes?"**

**"Right, ok, imagine it. Her body, ****_that _****body? Yes? Are you imagining it?"**

**He asked.**

**"Yes..."**

**Lofty said and there was a pause. Connie could hear her own breath.**

**"Even better than that."**

**Max said finally and Robyn laughed again.**

**"Even better?!"**

**Lofty exclaimed and this time Max laughed, the sound of it made her feel sick.**

**"Even better..."**

**He murmured.**

**"Bloody hell, Max."**

**Robyn shrieked.**

**"Mmhmm. Anyway...I don't want to leave her too long, she might realise she's made a terrible mistake and try shimmying down the drain pipe."**

**The door handle turned but she didn't move. Instead she waited, she could see his hand on the door handle, and then all of him came through all at once. It took him a moment to realise she was there, his foot on the second step and he caught hold of the railing, swearing under his breath.**

**"You scared the life out of me!"**

**He hissed, but she didn't move, she just sat, the dressing gown pulled so tightly about her that it began to hurt her stomach where it was tied. **

**"Connie?"**

****More soon xxx****


	41. Chapter 41

**"Connie?"**

**He reached out for her but she stood, ever so slowly, her arms wrapped tightly about herself, just looking at him, her face pale and pinched, the faint crease of a frown between her eyes.**

**"Connie?"**

**He repeated but she turned away from him and began making her way back up the stairs. After a pause he followed, walking behind her into the bedroom, closing the door silently behind them.**

**Without a word she began to get dressed, pulling on her underwear and trousers underneath the dressing gown before she slipped it from her shoulders and tossed it onto the bed, the sunlight slanted through the curtains, reaching long pale fingers across her bare chest, her arms trembling as she fought to turn her top the right way out, her breath coming quicker with every moment that she stood exposed to him.**

**Eventually she tugged the arms free and pulled it over her head, realising only once she had pulled it down about her waist that she had forgotten to put her bra on. **

**"What are you doing?"**

**Max asked quietly and for a moment she stopped moving, her eyes on the bed, staring down at the crumbled sheets, the pillows with the soft dips in their centres from where their heads had been hours before when they'd lain naked and intertwined. **

**She could still feel the memory of him inside her.**

**"I'm going home."**

**She whispered, and with odd jerky movements she gathered what few things she had together, cradling them to her chest.**

**"Why?!"**

**He caught her arm as she tried to pass him by to get to the door.**

**"Let go!"**

**She whispered, her voice barely a breath, her jaw set and her eyes so dark and hard that he barely recognised them.**

**He felt the muscle of her upper arm flex beneath his hand and when she tried to tug herself free he only tightened his grip even more. He saw the brief flicker of panic and she pulled again, this time he jerked her towards him without really meaning to and the things she was holding fell from her grasp, clattering to the floor at her feet and he let go, the imprint of his fingers left against her skin.**

**They looked down to the floor, Connie's phone lay face up, the screen splintered and smashed, liquid oozing from beneath the glass.**

**"I'm sorry..."**

**He whispered. She pursed her lips, watching as the illuminated screen faded to black though she didn't move to pick it up, instead she tried to make her way to the door again, but he stepped backwards quickly enough so that he blocked her exit, pressing his body flat against the door, one hand on the handle.**

**"Connie...just talk to me..."**

**He kept his voice low, and from downstairs they heard the front door open and close as Robyn and Lofty left for work.**

**"Talk to you?!"**

**She raised her eyebrows, almost laughing.**

**"Wouldn't you rather talk about me?"**

**She hissed and a flicker of realisation passed behind his eyes.**

**"Connie, It didn't mean anything, I was just-"**

**"Making a mockery of me?"**

**She cut in.**

**"No!"**

**"Just let me go."**

**She looked to the door handle, where his hand rested though he refused to let go.**

**"Oh come on! Everyone does it! Everyone talks to their friends!"**

**He stopped abruptly, wondering suddenly whether she had any friends...**

**"You weren't just talking. You were describing. You were asking them to imagine my body...****_this _****body..."**

**She quoted him, raising her hands.**

**"You forgot to tell them about the scars."**

**She added, spitting her words with such venom that if he hadn't already been pressed against the door he would have taken a step back.**

**"Of course I wouldn't tell them about that!"**

**He whispered.**

**She stood before him, visibly trembling, her hair unusually frizzy and curled about her head. He could see the hurt in her eyes and he realised suddenly how much more it would hurt after everything she had been through.**

**"I'm sorry."**

**He said quietly. **

**She studied him for a moment.**

**"This was never going to work."**

**She said eventually.**

**"Why?!"**

**He kicked himself mentally for sounding as though he was pleading with her, his voice breathy and strained.**

**She shook her head slightly.**

**"I thought you were different. I didn't think you were like that..."**

**"Oh, come on! That's not fair. One comment! I made one comment, a nice comment at that, it hardly makes me a bad person!"**

**She saw the pin pricks of light catch in his eyes and for a moment she thought he was going to cry.**

**"Just let me go."**

**She whispered.**

****Misfor... I only received half of your last review! Would love to know what the rest of it said?! ;) ****

****More later! xxx****


	42. Chapter 42

**"Connie?"**

**He reached out for her but she stood, ever so slowly, her arms wrapped tightly about herself, just looking at him, her face pale and pinched, the faint crease of a frown between her eyes.**

**"Connie?"**

**He repeated but she turned away from him and began making her way back up the stairs. After a pause he followed, walking behind her into the bedroom, closing the door silently behind them.**

**Without a word she began to get dressed, pulling on her underwear and trousers underneath the dressing gown before she slipped it from her shoulders and tossed it onto the bed, the sunlight slanted through the curtains, reaching long pale fingers across her bare chest, her arms trembling as she fought to turn her top the right way out, her breath coming quicker with every moment that she stood exposed to him.**

**Eventually she tugged the arms free and pulled it over her head, realising only once she had pulled it down about her waist that she had forgotten to put her bra on. **

**"What are you doing?"**

**Max asked quietly and for a moment she stopped moving, her eyes on the bed, staring down at the crumbled sheets, the pillows with the soft dips in their centres from where their heads had been hours before when they'd lain naked and intertwined. **

**She could still feel the memory of him inside her.**

**"I'm going home."**

**She whispered, and with odd jerky movements she gathered what few things she had together, cradling them to her chest.**

**"Why?!"**

**He caught her arm as she tried to pass him by to get to the door.**

**"Let go!"**

**She whispered, her voice barely a breath, her jaw set and her eyes so dark and hard that he barely recognised them.**

**He felt the muscle of her upper arm flex beneath his hand and when she tried to tug herself free he only tightened his grip even more. He saw the brief flicker of panic and she pulled again, this time he jerked her towards him without really meaning to and the things she was holding fell from her grasp, clattering to the floor at her feet and he let go, the imprint of his fingers left against her skin.**

**They looked down to the floor, Connie's phone lay face up, the screen splintered and smashed, liquid oozing from beneath the glass.**

**"I'm sorry..."**

**He whispered. She pursed her lips, watching as the illuminated screen faded to black though she didn't move to pick it up, instead she tried to make her way to the door again, but he stepped backwards quickly enough so that he blocked her exit, pressing his body flat against the door, one hand on the handle.**

**"Connie...just talk to me..."**

**He kept his voice low, and from downstairs they heard the front door open and close as Robyn and Lofty left for work.**

**"Talk to you?!"**

**She raised her eyebrows, almost laughing.**

**"Wouldn't you rather talk about me?"**

**She hissed and a flicker of realisation passed behind his eyes.**

**"Connie, It didn't mean anything, I was just-"**

**"Making a mockery of me?"**

**She cut in.**

**"No!"**

**"Just let me go."**

**She looked to the door handle, where his hand rested though he refused to let go.**

**"Oh come on! Everyone does it! Everyone talks to their friends!"**

**He stopped abruptly, wondering suddenly whether she had any friends...**

**"You weren't just talking. You were describing. You were asking them to imagine my body...****_this _****body..."**

**She quoted him, raising her hands.**

**"You forgot to tell them about the scars."**

**She added, spitting her words with such venom that if he hadn't already been pressed against the door he would have taken a step back.**

**"Of course I wouldn't tell them about that!"**

**He whispered.**

**She stood before him, visibly trembling, her hair unusually frizzy and curled about her head. He could see the hurt in her eyes and he realised suddenly how much more it would hurt after everything she had been through.**

**"I'm sorry."**

**He said quietly. **

**She studied him for a moment.**

**"This was never going to work."**

**She said eventually.**

**"Why?!"**

**He kicked himself mentally for sounding as though he was pleading with her, his voice breathy and strained.**

**She shook her head slightly.**

**"I thought you were different. I didn't think you were like that..."**

**"Oh, come on! That's not fair. One comment! I made one comment, a nice comment at that, it hardly makes me a bad person!"**

**She saw the pin pricks of light catch in his eyes and for a moment she thought he was going to cry.**

**"Just let me go."**

**She whispered.**

****Misfor... I only received half of your last review! Would love to know what the rest of it said?! ;) ****

****More later! xxx****


	43. Chapter 43

****Apologies for updating the same chapter twice! ****

**"So where did she go?"**

**Robyn sat next to him on the bench, she was so far back in the seat that her toes barely touched the floor and she swung her legs back and forth slowly, the rubber soles of her shoes making a gentle swish-swish noise against the concrete.**

**Max drew up his shoulders, hunching them about his ears and he lent forwards resting his elbows on his knees, a cigarette burning orange between his fingers, the smoke billowing up and trailing off into blue-white streamers that danced on the wind.**

**"Dunno."**

**He said quietly, and he raised the cigarette to his lips, sucking hard, holding it in his lungs, squinting as he blew the smoke from his lips.**

**"Well if you said she's not at her house, and she's not here..."**

**"I don't know where she is!"**

**He snapped, making Robyn jump.**

**For a moment they were silent, even Robyn's legs were still.**

**"What're you going to do?"**

**She asked quietly, unable to hide her curiosity.**

**He glanced at her sideways, sucking again on the cigarette before flicking it with his fingers so that the ash fell to slowly to the ground.**

**He exhaled, the smoke curling towards her and she leant away from it, frowning.**

**"What can I do?"**

**He asked, turning the stub of the cigarette to look down at the glowing orange tip of it, breathing left over smoke through his nose.**

**"Well, where else might she be?"**

**She asked, pushing her hands into the pockets on either side of the hoody that she wore, and dipping her chin so that the lower half of her face was hidden beneath the fabric, her breath warming her skin as she breathed out.**

**He opened his mouth to reply, but as he made to say yet again that he didn't know, he thought of the little cabin in the woods where they'd stayed. **

**"It's too far to walk."**

**He mumured.**

**"Taxi?"**

**Robyn asked, leaning her weight against him. His face was grey, his eyes lined with pink and the smile that usually accompanied him had vanished.**

**"No money."**

**He sighed, and leant back against her. She put an arm about his shoulders and rested her head against his, feeling him draw in a long, long sigh.**

**"Do you love her?"**

**She asked ever so quietly, expecting him to pull away and laugh at her for suggesting something so ridiculous.**

**"Doesn't matter if I do."**

**He breathed, and he glanced at her, her face so close to his that it made his eyes ache to look at her.**

**"I'm just a porter."**

**He murmured and he felt her forehead crease.**

**"Max!"**

**"I am! Can you really imagine her spending the rest of her life with someone like me, where there are so many rich, handsome consultants dying to get into her knickers?"**

**He drew away from her and allowed himself to collapse back against the bench, holding his cigarette at arms length, his wrist against his knee.**

**Robyn moved back with him, the warmth from her body making him realise how cold he actually was and he shivered.**

**"Well...you're handsome...as much as I hate to admit it."**

**She said quietly and at last he couldn't help but laugh.**

**"Thanks..."**

**He breathed and she nudged him.**

**"Well that's one out of three?!"**

**She coaxed and he shook his head and sucked in another breath, looking up at the sky.**

**"Fuck. Robyn...she's just, she's so..."**

**He blew a breath of air between his lips, there seemed to be no words to explain what he meant. He looked over at her, she was smiling ever so slightly.**

**"I've never seen you like this before."**

**She whispered, and though he was in pain it made her smile to think that finally he had found someone who meant enough to him to cause him pain.**

**"I've never been in love with someone before."**

**He said with a shrug, and he lowered his gaze to look out across the hospital car park to the trees and buildings in the distance.**

**"I just wish I knew where she was."**

**He murmured.**

****More soon xxxx****


	44. Chapter 44

**It was early evening. The day had seemed a never-ending rotation of wheel-chairs, beds and patients...**

**Throughout the day Max had caught the odd tail end of a whisper, or the drop of Connie's name from far down the corridor. Nobody seemed to know where she was. He leant against the nurses station, staring hard at the door to her office until his eyes dried and he had to blink to save them from getting sore.**

**Still she didn't appear. **

**He felt for his phone in his pocket, slipping it out ever so slightly so that he could just about see the screen. She hadn't called. **

**He breathed out through his teeth and cast one last glance around the ward, letting his eyes finally settle on the clock above the nurses station. 6:17PM. He had been standing there for 17 minutes and nobody had noticed.**

**Pushing his phone back into his pocket, but keeping his hand over the smooth hard casing of it, he made his way out through reception and through the double doors, relived to have missed the mass exit of Cal, Lofty and various others.**

**Outside was dark, the sky hung high over head, stars dotted and winked from behind the thin whispers of winter clouds that always seemed perpetually there. **

**He drew out his phone again, properly this time and the screen illuminated before him. He scrolled through the list of names, pausing over her mobile number, her phone he knew was still on the floor in his bedroom. Instead he rung her home phone again and like all of the times he had run before, It went to answer phone, he heard her voice click in, her message that he had heard over and over...**

**He hung up.**

**His stomach ached, he hadn't eaten all day, nervous energy had kept him fuelled for most of the day, and now the day was at an end, even that had begun to run out, he had kept himself going with the notion that she would have to appear or answer her phone at some point. Now it was dark, and nobody knew where she was, and most irritatingly, many of the staff he'd overheard had been relieved that she had been away for so long.**

**He looked down at his phone again, the screen was still illuminated, showing her name in his address book, but as he looked the screen faded back to black and he was back there, just standing, the hospital behind him, the night before him.**

**"Where are you?"**

**He whispered and he pushed his hands into his pockets and began walking. **

**Overhead an aeroplane slipped silently between the stars, the tail lights blinking, and ahead the noise of the city kept on, the rev and hum of cars on the by-pass, the click of heels on cement, the murmur of voices...**

**It took him an hour and a half to walk to her house from the hospital. It hadn't taken long for the cold to creep through his clothes, slipping icy fingers through his clothes and sending chills through his body, and as he walked he kept his jaw clenched to stop his teeth from clattering noisily inside his head.**

**He didn't stay long, the police car was parked outside her house, a police man sat staring at nothing through the windscreen, another was sat at his side reading a paper using the street light next to them to see.**

**The house itself was in darkness, looming out of the ground like the one lone tooth left when all the others have been punched out.**

**He shivered again, pushing his chin into the collar of his coat, his breath making the fabric damp and uncomfortable about his skin.**

**With one last look to the blacked out house he turned his back to it and began walking again. The city hummed ahead of him, and he jingled what few coins he had in his pocket, feeling their dented rough edges and smooth surfaces, counting them blind to see if he had enough money for the bus fair from the city centre though he knew that he hadn't.**

**Minutes later he was there, at the top of the high street, Christmas trees were attached to every shop and building, strings of white fairy lights adorned them, the brightness of them bursting out, pixelating into the glare of shop windows and glittering against the rain speckled hoods of parked cars. **

**He saw himself in the reflection of each car he passed, hunched and pale, his whole body trembled, his knee caps twitching uncontrollably and his jaw kept up that constant wobble and vibration of the cold aching in his jaw.**

**He glanced at every shop window, at every transfixed mannequin and every array of toys, food, sweets, books, all on show, all waiting to be bought. **

**The rain was coming, little pin pricks of ice feathering through his hair, touching his eye lashes and making him blink and squint. He stepped onto the pavement as a van drove passed, it's wheels churning litter and standing drain water, spattering it against his jeans, dribbling into his shoes, soaking his socks so that every time he took a step there was a hiss of air and a squelch of stale water.**

**Ahead there were the bars, and the pub on the corner, everyone looked the same, groups of people milled about outside despite the rain, smoking, drinking, kissing...**

**He stopped to let a crowd go by, their bodies all pushed together in one loud moving mass that nearly knocked him into the railings of the beer garden.**

**He kicked a puddle as he walked, sending ripples through the brief glimpse of his own reflection, and then he came to the corner where the pub was, he glanced up at the sign swinging over head, 'The Anchor', it said, though the picture was of a boat and it swung, squealing overhead so loudly that he swerved on the pavement to avoid passing directly below it.**

**As he did so he caught sight of the door, there were less people inside than there had been at the bars and as someone opened the door to go in he was greeted by the raucous chatter and chinks of glasses from within.**

**He paused, just watching for a moment, and then just as he was about to move on, to cross the road, he caught a glimpse of something familiar, a bag that he recognised was perched on the bar, and next to it stood too men crowded around. He moved closer to the window, his breath fogging the glass and he had to wipe it away, streaking it with shaking fingers. **

**The men seemed to be talking to someone out of sight, one shifted, leaning over the bar to say something to the barman, and as he leaned he caught a glimpse of dark hair, the curve of a back and as he pushed himself against the far side of the window he saw the turn of her head.**

**Connie.**

****Misfor... I will have to read some of your writing! I spend so long writing and looking after my children that I never have time to read anything else! ****

****As for description, I hold back a lot when I'm writing fanfiction (my 'real' writing is sodden with it.) I have a condition called Synesthesia (easier to google it, I'm not very good at explaining it, but I will give it a go!) which basically means all of my senses seem to be jumbled up together. If I look at a fire, for example, I can taste it, and feel it (not just the warmth, something else), if I look at my wedding ring I can taste and smell metal and I can 'feel' the solidity of it against my teeth, and music! There's a lot of music I can't listen to, and I often have to leave shops that are playing 'the wrong sort of music', because my brain goes into overdrive with various senses...I genuinely think that if I didn't write I would go mad :) But anyway, thank you! I'm incredibly pleased, and a little bit relieved that so many people like the way I write xxx****


	45. Chapter 45

**Connie...**

**He stood watching her through the window, his breath coming quick and showing white against the glass, **

**Through the window she was shaking her head, her cheeks were flushed and she raised a hand to one of the men who was speaking to her. She looked up at him, an amused smile turning the corners of her lips down and she shook her head again, slowly this time, and she gripped the side of the stool she sat on hard, unsteady in her seat.**

**Max watched her raise her hand for another drink and the other man at her side grasped her hand, pressed it back down to the bar where he held it and he raised his own hand instead, ushering for the barman to serve them.**

**He felt his pulse quicken and his throat felt coarse and sore as he swallowed. The cold had numbed him, his limbs felt heavy and every joint throbbed and ached. He wanted to go in, to confront her but he couldn't help but wonder if the men either side of her might have something to say about that. Instead he drew in a breath and willed her to look over at the window, though even if she did notice that he was there, he wasn't sure that she would come over to him, or even want to see him.**

**After several more minutes a round of shots were delivered to the three of them. He saw Connie recoil slightly and again she shook her head but the tiny glinting glass of something pale coloured was pressed forcefully into her hand and all at once the three of them tipped the liquid into their mouths and swallowed. He watched as Connie winced, her face creasing and she coughed into the back of her hand before placing the glass back onto the bar. The men were laughing at her, one nudged her and leaned into her. They were tall, taller than him, and well built, like rugby players, with dark hair and thick set jaws.**

**The man with his back to Max raised his hand for another round but Connie shook her head once more, and struggled to slip down from the stool, she caught the heel of her shoe on the cross bar at the foot of it and she fell forwards, Max instinctively lurched forwards, though he was no where near, and the man with his back to the window caught her, heaving her up against himself and holding her there. For a minute or so he couldn't see her at all, all except for one arm with lay limp across the man's shoulders.**

**Max stood transfixed, unable to move, his heart ached for her and it took every ounce of self control that he had not to move when suddenly he saw that they were gathering their belongings together. The second man took hold of her bag whilst the first turned, one arm easily holding Connie firmly against him and he walked with her to the door, towards Max, her legs wobbling beneath her, her eyes hazy and unfocused, her hair curling against her cheek.**

**For a moment Max wasn't sure what to do, whether he should stay where he was and risk being seen or whether he should just go home. **

**He took a step back away from the window as they came through the door.**

**Instinct told him to stay.**

**He heard the voice of the man who was holding Connie up, he was Scottish, his words were clipped and harsh and every time Connie's body threatened to go slack he hoisted her up like a rag doll and carried her a step or two. **

**Max held his breath, he'd never seen Connie so out of control, she was so drunk she was barely conscious and these men just carried on their conversation without a thought to the pale, stumbling woman between them and the man who carried her bag let it bump and graze against the wall of the pub, he knew she'd be cross at that...**

**Silently he padded behind them, keeping his head down against the rain that was still falling, a light drizzle of rain, the kind that drenches you without you really realising.**

**He turned a corner, they were struggling with her now, she'd lost a shoe and with a whimper she tried to reach down for it, though the sharp jerk of the man holding her hauled her away. **

**Max paused, watching them slip behind the pub and he bent down to retrieve her shoe, it was still warm from her foot and the inside was damp. **

**He drew in a breath, his teeth clattered about inside his mouth and his whole body shivered with cold and with fear.**

**He followed them, keeping close to the shadow of the wall and he glanced around, to the back of the pub. The beer garden was in darkness, only one dim overhead lamp hung at the back door. For a moment he couldn't see anyone, just the billowing white breath that loomed from his lips, but then, in the silence he heard an unmistakeable moan and he felt his stomach lurch, the noise came from next to him, his shoulder was against the wooden slats of a small shed, and from within came the shuffle of bodies and that moan again, a soft gentle moan as though someone was being roused from a deep sleep.**

**He felt with his fingers along the boards, and finding the round circular hole where a knot of wood used to be he pressed his eye to it. He blinked. Inside the shed was even darker, but there was a flash of a phone screen, and the unmistakeable thud of Connie's body being dropped onto the floor in the corner, he squinted, the taller of the two men, the one that had carried her knelt down next to her whilst the other opened her bag, though he didn't look into it, he just waited whilst the man who leant over Connie felt across her body.**

**Max pressed himself harder against the wood, afraid his breath might make them turn, he held his lips together and breathed slowly in and out through his nose, he saw hands about her neck, feeling their way down, patting her body in the same way that a police officer frisks a prisoner, he paused at her chest, slipping his fingers over the curve of her breasts and the other man kicked him gently with the point of his shoe, emitting a quick laugh before holding the bag out. **

**The other man was working her watch from her wrist and twisting her rings from her fingers. Max felt compelled to do something, though in comparison to these men he was small and weak and if they hurt him, he may not be able to help her...instead he went against the pull to save her, every inch of his body wanted to run to her, but he stood, just watching over her, making sure that they didn't hurt her until eventually they stood up and murmured quickly to one another, words he couldn't quite hear or understand, but within seconds of standing they were tucking Connie's bag between them and Max backed away quickly, turning out into the alley way, holding Connie's shoe behind him and he pulled his phone from his pocket, fumbling with it, he could hear them behind him, and finally they appeared, stopping abruptly as they saw him. He glanced up at them, feigning nonchalance.**

**"Alright?"**

**He said, and looked back down to his phone, slipping it sideways in his hand and working a finger over one side as though there were something stuck to the side of it that he was trying to get off, and with his finger he clicked to take a picture.**

**They nodded and one of them grunted and they moved on, the bag wedged between them.**

**Max watched them disappear from the corner of his eye and in one quick movement he exhaled, pushed his phone back into his pocket and ran back to the shed, his feet slapping loudly against the muddy puddles in the gritted lane.**

**The shed, he placed a hand against it, his throat felt as though it was burning as he breathed. They'd left the door open, he made his way in, pushing passed the lawnmower and various other bits and pieces, making it to her side. He crouched next to her. She was breathing so slowly, fast asleep, her head had fallen back at an odd angle against the wall and her hair was across her face, stuck to her mouth and with every breathe she took the twist of a curl fluttered against her lip.**

**He tried to rouse her, he slipped his hands either side of her jaw, holding her head in his hands, shaking her gently, calling her name...**

**She collapsed forwards into him with a soft expulsion of air from her chest, he could smell the alcohol on her. He shifted himself, pushing his arms beneath hers and hauled her up against him, she was cold, her skin was prickled with goosebumps and he could feel the involuntary trembles of her fingers against his thigh. **

**He forced one arm behind her back, he placed the shoe she had lost onto her stomach and then he adjusted his other arm beneath her knees, and with one bracing movement and a guttural groan from his throat he lifted her. His knees felt weak and he staggered for a moment as he shifted and eased her against him, cradling her against his chest.**

**"Come on..."**

**He heard himself whisper, and even tough he had said it he wasn't sure whether he had been speaking to her or to himself.**

**With awkward footsteps he made his way out of the shed. He paused to catch his breath and look about himself, half expecting to see that the men had returned.**

**When no one came and no noise sounded except for the faraway hum of the city he carried on, placing one foot in front of the other, willing himself to maintain his grip on the dead weight of her body.**

****More later! xxx****


	46. Chapter 46

**By the time he reached his house he had no idea of the time, he could barely see what was right before him. **

**The rain fell so heavily now that he spat water as he breathed and he blinked and blinked, shaking his hair from his forehead, wishing he could push it from his eyes with his hand. **

**Connie's clothes stuck to his own, rubbing painfully against him and his body heaved and ached with every stumbling step that he managed to take.**

**He stood before the house, his chest heaving, his breath scratching at his throat, he could feel the glands throbbing at the back of his mouth and every time he swallowed a searing hot pain pulsated in the back of his head.**

**For a moment he wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't reach for his keys, if he set her down now he didn't know if he would be able to pick her up again.**

**He looked up at the house, only one window showed a glimmer of light on the first floor, the yellow light glowed a soft pink through the curtains.**

**"Robyn..."**

**He whispered her name, and with another shake of his head he made his way to the front door and gave the bottom of it a sharp kick with his left foot, he swayed under the weight of Connie's body and with another, harder thrust he kicked the door again, the letter box rattled and he saw the hall light turn on, there were hushed voices from behind the door.**

**"Robyn, it's Max..."**

**He called as loudly as he could, his voice hoarse, and all of a sudden the door opened and Lofty peered out, shielding his face from the rain that whipped against him.**

**He looked, open mouthed at Connie who lay limp within his arms and without a word he opened the door to reveal Robyn standing in her pyjamas, her eyes wide, her mouth agape.**

**"Max!"**

**She exhaled before he'd even stepped into the house. Lofty steadied him, his hands either side of him, helping him up the steps in slow awkward movements that made him grunt. **

**"What's happened?!"**

**She whispered, and Max leant heavily against the wall, his eyes wanted to close, his breath came in shuddering gasps though his arms still clung desperately to Connie.**

**"Max, give her to me, mate..."**

**Lofty pressed a hand against his upper arm, he could feel the muscle trembling and wobbling beneath the skin, it had cramped up about half a mile back but there had been nothing he could do about it.**

**"Max?"**

**He spoke again and Max opened his eyes, the hall light throbbed above him.**

**"Can't."**

**He whispered, he didn't know if she was still sleeping, or if she had passed out, but she was warm, and she was breathing, and he never wanted to let her go...**

**"Max..."**

**Lofty was pushing his hands beneath his, he let his head loll back against the wall, the cool of it felt good against the heat that radiated from his cheeks.**

**He tried to pull away but he couldn't seem to open his eyes, everything was black though he was sure he had blinked, and he felt an odd icy heat prickle across the nape of his neck and suddenly Connie was being lifted from his arms, he felt her go, he tried to reach out for her but his arms had ceased up, his muscles had gone into spasm and the air that he breathed seemed oddly thin as if there was no oxygen in it at all.**

**He blinked again, still the room swam black before his eyes and with one sway of his head he felt his body, and his consciousness fall away from him, falling and falling until there was nothing left but the hollow knock of his head against the floor...**

****More soon! xxx****


	47. Chapter 47

**Connie shifted, her head felt thick and heavy, her brain swollen and throbbing within her skull.**

**She opened an eye ever so slightly, the morning sunshine shone through a crack between unfamiliar curtains and lay in a stripe across her chest. She moved her head, trying to sit up, her blood pounded loudly in her ears and her head ached and her vision swam. **

**"How do you feel?"**

**A voice made her jump, but it was only when Robyn's face came into view that she realised who had spoken. **

**She tried to recall how she'd ended up here but her head was too thick to remember. She tried to sit up again and Robyn's warm hands were at her back, helping her up.**

**She was in the sitting room of Max's house, she realised, on a mattress on the floor. She raised a hand to shield her eyes from the light and looked again to Robyn.**

**"What happened?!"**

**She asked, her voice a whisper and she glanced to the sofa where a bundle of covers and rugs were piled up high.**

**Robyn drew up her shoulders and held up her hands.**

**"We don't know, we were hoping you would be able to tell us! Max turned up here with you last night, he fainted before he had a chance to tell us what happened, we managed to wake him up but he was so exhausted... he's been asleep ever since."**

**Robyn's blue eyes were round and wide and she looked tired.**

**"Max...?"**

**Connie glanced about her and Robyn gestured to the various covers on the sofa. Connie squinted, she could see Max's hair spiking out in tufts from beneath the covers.**

**Without a word she kicked the covers from her legs and slowly, carefully, crawled the two steps to the sofa, she held on to it's edge and sat up, taking a quick glance down at herself, she was wearing an oversized pink night dress with a dog on the front.**

**She reached out a hand and peeled away the covers from Max's face, they were wet to the touch, and she recoiled slightly as she saw him, his skin was a milky grey colour, his lips pale and a fine film of sweat covered his face. She placed a hand on him, just touching her fingers against the side of his face, he felt cold and she could feel the tightening and loosening of his jaw as he shivered and his body twitched.**

**"He carried you for so long that he couldn't move his arms..."**

**Robyn spoke again and Connie turned at the sound of her voice.**

**"It was raining..."**

**She added, gesturing to the night dress that she had found for Connie to wear.**

**Connie looked down at herself again, her legs were bare and the night dress was short, though thankfully she could feel that she was still wearing her own underwear. She made to speak again but the sudden realisation dawned on her that Robyn would have seen her scars...**

**She cleared her throat and looked back to Max.**

**He gave a violent shiver and his lips parted, she could see the line of straight white teeth. She touched him again, smoothed the sweat slicked hair back from his face and touched her thumb to the edge of his lips. He swallowed, his mouth was dry, he swallowed again, harder this time and the ashy burn in his throat made him cough, a harsh chesty cough that made him shudder.**

**He opened his eyes, blinking against the gritty feel beneath his eyelids.**

**Connie stroked the pad of her thumb against his lips and he smiled slightly.**

**"You're awake."**

**He whispered, his voice sounded strange – low and gravelly.**

**"So're you..."**

**She murmured, and again she stroked his hair, his forehead, and gentle curve of his eyebrow.**

**They heard the creak of a floorboard and Lofty was in the doorway, he murmured something to Robyn and Connie glanced over at them.**

**"Can I get anyone a drink? Coffee? Tea? Water soluble paracetamol?"**

**Lofty asked. Connie noted the dark circles beneath his eyes and he yawned as she looked at him.**

**"Coffee...please. Thank you..."**

**She murmured and Lofty gave a nod and looked to Max.**

**"Tea?"**

**He asked, and Max whispered a 'thanks' before Lofty and Robyn left for the kitchen.**

**Max cleared his throat again, his ears felt as though they needed to pop and he still felt so cold yet his skin was hot and sweating.**

**"Max, I'm so sorry..."**

**Connie whispered, tightening her grip on the edge of the sofa, looking at him with wide hazel eyes.**

**Max smiled that shivery half smile again and with great difficulty he shifted himself back against the sofa and raised an arm, holding up the covers.**

**"Get in."**

**He coughed. She looked at him, his body glittered with sweat. She eased herself up gently, as quickly as she could so that he would not get cold, and she crawled in next to him, stretching her legs against him and laying her head on the pillows, only inches from his own face.**

**Tentatively she touched him, pressing her hand against the clammy weight of his chest and he wrapped an arm about her, pulling her close. She felt him against her thighs, he was naked, she realised and his whole body shivered as though it were constantly vibrating.**

**"You're hot."**

**She whispered and he laughed a quick silent laugh and smiled.**

**"Thank you."**

**He murmured.**

**"No, I..."**

**"I know what you meant."**

**He said quietly and he shuddered again, a cascade of goosebumps showing across his skin.**

**"I'm bloody freezing though."**

**He added and she pulled him tighter to her, trying to warm him.**

**"Tell me what happened?"**

**She whispered.**

****More soon xxx****


	48. Chapter 48

**Both Connie and Max were sitting up on the sofa next to one another, the covers wrapped against their waists, Max's bare chest shivering and sweating in the pale winter sunlight.**

**The curtains were open now, the sun made them squint and blink, the storm from the night before was long gone and now the world seemed unbearably silent and still.**

**He'd told her almost everything that had happened, though he'd left out how one of the men had groped her whilst he searched her for valuables.**

**She'd sat for minutes on end just staring, her expression blank and he couldn't bring himself to ask whether or not she was alright.**

**Eventually she heaved in a long breath and exhaled slowly through her nose.**

**"I'm so sorry."**

**She whispered again and he cleared his throat and raised his tea to his lips, holding the mug with both hands to steady his shaking.**

**Roby passed by the door, every so often she popped her head in to see if they were ok, or whether they needed anything.**

**"Max?"**

**Connie steadied her own mug and leant against him, his damp skin wetting her arm.**

**"Mmm?"**

**He murmured from the rim of his cup, he held it against his lips between sips to warm himself, and to save himself from having to grip so hard onto it every time he wanted to take a sip.**

**"I think I may have over reacted yesterday."**

**She said quietly and he glanced at her sideways, his eyes a fragmented blue in the light but he didn't say anything.**

**"I'm sorry."**

**She whispered, and still he didn't say anything, just took another sip of his tea, the steam billowing up into his face making him blink.**

**"Max?"**

**She nudged him gently and with a breath he lowered his tea and settled it into his lap. He looked down at his hands, seeing how pale they were, and how every part of them shook uncontrollably, sending constant ripples across the surface of the dark brown tea.**

**"Max?"**

**She tried again, and again he cleared his throat.**

**"What were you doing?"**

**He said at last, and he glanced at her, only turning his head a fraction of an inch in her direction.**

**"Where were you all day yesterday?"**

**He asked, failing to say how worried he'd been, how he hadn't been able to eat, or think or do any of the menial jobs he usually did with so little thought.**

**It was her turn to look away and she picked at a loose thread that stuck out from the corner of the duvet cover.**

**"I just needed some time..."**

**"To get drunk?!"**

**He cut in and she bit the soft flesh of her bottom lip.**

**She shook her head.**

**"I didn't mean to get drunk...not that drunk..."**

**She sucked in a breath.**

**"So what were you doing? Were you drinking because you couldn't find anything to cut yourself with?!"**

**He asked, his voice rising more than he expected and Robyn, who was passing by the door again, stopped abruptly, floundered for a minute in the door way and then quickly moved away.**

**Max coughed a croaky hacking cough that left him breathless and Connie waited for his body to stop convulsing before she replied.**

**"I don't know."**

**She whispered, she looked down at the thread again, it was yellow and frayed at one end. She could feel his eyes on her but she couldn't quite bring herself to look up at him.**

**"I don't know what I'm doing, I seem to have lost control..."**

**She spoke so softly that he had to strain his muffled ears to hear her, still he heard the odd crackling and popping in his head louder than he heard her.**

**He didn't know what to say, instead he raised his tea to his lips again and took one sip, swallowed, and then took another.**

**Connie wrapped the thread around her index finger, looping it repeatedly so that it began to curl, she wanted to tell him how sorry she was, and about how lost she felt but she didn't seem to be able to find the right words and when she looked at his face he looked so exhausted, so poorly, and she knew that she was responsible for it.**

**She drew in a breath.**

**"Why did you come to find me?"**

**She asked. **

**He smiled slightly, though there was a slight bitterness to it, he didn't want to tell her that she'd scared him, that he thought she might have done something to herself, or perhaps someone else had, and what could have happened if he hadn't been there, she would have been left on her own in the cold, drunk and unconscious...what if she'd vomited and choked...**

**He shifted and drew in a breath.**

**"Why did you carry me all the way back here...in the rain?! You could have called an ambulance?"**

**He raised an eyebrow, he'd known he couldn't call an ambulance, she would have been humiliated all over again and he knew that she knew it too.**

**"I was so horrible to you yesterday..."**

**She murmured, pulling at the thread.**

**"I don't understand why you'd put yourself through all of that...for me?"**

**She whispered, pushing him to tell her, she could see how uncomfortable he was, his jaw tensed and flexed and his tongue flicked across his lips to wet them.**

**"Max?"**

**She whispered and he drew in a long breath and turned to face her.**

**"You want me to say it?"**

**He asked. **

**More soon xxx**  
**Misfor...I'm impressed an secretly pleased that my writing is being read during school time! The last time my writing was read in a lesson was when I was 16, and my English teacher (aptly named, Mr Fear) caught me writing and insisted on reading it out to the whole class. He stopped rather quickly when he realised how erotic it was ;)**


	49. Chapter 49

**Connie hesitated, she could all but see the words on his tongue, just about to spill over, desperate to become reality...**

**She parted her lips, unsure of what she was going to say, but as she did so there was a loud clatter in the hall way and Lofty muttered something under his breath, and then came the clunk and crash of whatever it was that had fallen being put back into place. **

**Both Connie and Max had turned to face the door, listening, and when the last clunk sounded Lofty appeared in the doorway, pushing a hand through his hair.**

**"I'm just going to make a hot drink..."**

**He looked between them, Connie shook her head ever so slightly and Max yawned loudly and shook his too.**

**Lofty gave a slight nod and backed away from the room, glancing between the two of them huddled together, dishevelled and pale, before he made his way back into the kitchen.**

**Max stretched and relaxed back against the cushions, though he still felt tense, he was all too aware that he had been so close to telling her that he loved her. He glanced at her, her face was grey, he wondered briefly if she was hungover, still that wouldn't excuse the fact that she hadn't said yes...that she had wanted him to say it.**

**He thought about what he had said to Robyn yesterday, was this all as ridiculous as he'd made it out to be? Could clinical lead and a porter have a successful relationship, or was it doomed to fail before it had even really begun?**

**He drew in a breath and began pushing the covers away from him.**

**"Where' you going?"**

**Connie reached out for him, forgetting for a moment that he was naked and her hand touched the damp skin of his inner thigh beneath the blanket, she could feel the soft hairs there and she pulled her hand away quickly.**

**"To the toilet..."**

**He said slowly, raising an eyebrow at how quickly she had removed her hand from him.**

**She moved back stiffly against the sofa and lowered her eyes as he stepped out, even though she'd seen him naked before, suddenly now, after everything that had happened she felt almost shy, a feeling so alien to her that she barely recognised it.**

**She heard him wrap a loose sheet around himself and she glanced up just in time to see him leaving the room, his body draped in white like like an ancient Greek. She smiled.**

**Max hoisted the material up about himself as he padded down the hallway, he moved slowly, placing one foot in front of the other, his whole body seemed to shake even more now that he was standing up and he began to feel light headed.**

**He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, leaning against the wall and taking hold of the rail, swallowing and lowering his head to rid himself of the stars that danced before his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten...**

**He heard Robyn asking Lofty to pass her the milk from the fridge, he heard the fridge door open and close again and the sound of Lofty's slippers moving on the lino flooring, a soft unmistakably sticky sound that always seemed to irritate him.**

**Robyn spoke again, and this time he noticed how she lowered her voice and Lofty exclaimed with a 'Really?!' that was obviously louder than Robyn approved of because there was an insistent 'shhh' from Robyn and Lofty hissed his apologies.**

**Max caught his breath and raised his head, waiting for a moment, but when the stars didn't reappear he closed the gap between himself and the kitchen door and just stood, listening, his head leaning gently against the door that was pulled to.**

**"Where were they?"**

**Lofty asked.**

**"On her legs! All over the tops of them."**

**Robyn paused to stir a mug of something, Max could hear the repetitive scrape and chink of it against the edge of the mug.**

**"Do you think he did it to her? Whoever attacked her?"**

**"No, they weren't that old..."**

**Robyn's voice tailed off and there was a pause.**

**"You think she's been cutting herself?"**

**Lofty asked quietly, his voice only a whisper from behind the door.**

**"But she's always so..."**

**There was another pause and Max strained his ears to listen, holding his breath.**

**"Well, she's Mrs Beauchamp! Even after what happened she just seemed to carry on as if everything was fine?"**

**Lofty spoke again and Max swallowed.**

**"Maybe she's hurting more than she's letting on. Maybe she's not as together as she pretends to be."**

**Robyn said, and Max could imagine her shrugging as she spoke. He felt his skin prickle.**

**"Max must know about them, surely?"**

**Lofty asked, and there was the scrape of a mug being picked up from the counter and the faint blow and slurp of a sip being taken.**

**"Unless she makes him do it in the dark..."**

**Robyn laughed and Max recoiled from the doorway and he thought of Connie, she didn't deserve to be laughed at. His breath quickened and caught in his chest and he heard Lofty murmur something else and another snigger of laughter came from the slight crack in the door.**

**"Maybe she'll come back nicer after all of this...at least to us? You get sister-of-the-boyfriend privileges don't you?"**

**As Lofty spoke Max heard his footsteps near the door, but he didn't move, and when the door opened Lofty flinched back from him and a hand rushed to his chest.**

**"Max...?"**

**From behind Robyn hurriedly put her cup of coffee back down and hurried over to her brother, hands clasped in front of her chest.**

**Max's face was pinched and pale, he began to feel light headed again and he realised he'd been holding his breath. He exhaled slowly. All he could think of was Connie, and how in pain she was, how she must be screaming inside for somebody to help her but nobody would ever hear...**

**"How's Connie?"**

**Robyn asked as Lofty backed away, very aware of Max's trembling body, framed white in the door frame, just a sheet tucked about his body, dark circles smudged beneath his eyes and his lips were dry and lined.**

**For a moment Max didn't know what to say. He looked from Lofty to Robyn.**

**"You laughed at her."**

**He managed to croak, though he knew his words didn't even begin to sum up what he wanted to say.**

**"Max, we didn't mean..."**

**"You made a joke of it!?"**

**Max's voice was low and he could see Robyn's breath quicken beneath her chest. **  
**"And you laughed at her! You think it's a ****_good _**** thing? What happened? That being raped will somehow make her think, 'Oh! I'd better think of my staff at a time like this, I'd better be nicer to them now. Thank you...whatever his name is, for raping me, and making me realise..."**  
**"Max! Stop it, that's not what we were saying!"**  
**Lofty cut him off and reached out to him but he shrugged off his touch and took a step back out of the door way into the hall.**  
**"She's not that strong. Not as strong as you think she is. It's all a front. Its only ever been just a front..."**  
**He said, his voice cracking again, and out of the corner of his eye he caught the flicker of a movement and he glanced over his shoulder to see Connie, dressed, and standing by the front door. Robyn had washed and tumble dried her clothes, but there were still stains, he noticed, muddy streaks and her top had a fingertip sized hold at the hem.**

**"Where are you going?"**

**He whispered, and both Robyn and Lofty began to back away further into the kitchen.**

**"I ****thought I'd better... I'm tired...and after everything..."**

**"You heard?"**

**Max tightened the grip of his sheet about his middle and took a step towards her. She looked him up and down, the flicker of a smile behind her eyes. He looked so raw and full of emotion that she could hardly keep her eyes from looking away.**

**"Bits...but the look on your face tells me everything I need to know."**

**She murmured, and he took another step towards her, closing the gap and reaching out for her hands. **

**"You don't want to stay here?"**

**He pushed his fingers between hers, holding her hands, her fingers cold in his palms.**

**"****In the hall?"**

**She asked, she couldn't help but smile again as Max exhaled and his own smile finally threatened to crinkle the corners of his eyes.**

**"****You could sleep in my bed...if you're tired? I could make you lunch...I never got to yesterday?"**

**He said softly and she squeezed his fingers tightly, her bottom lip quivered. The exhaustion she had felt since the attack all those months ago just never seemed to have left her.**

**"****Where would you sleep?"**

**She asked as he tried to stifle a yawn.**

**"****Maybe I wouldn't be doing much sleeping...I mean...I'd look after you?"**

**He shrugged and pulled her into him. For just a second she resisted, a fleeting doubt passing through her mind. She didn't want to hurt him...**

**"Stay."**

**He whispered. She glanced up to meet his eyes, they were paler today, almost grey blue and he was breathing through his lips as though he was light headed.**

**"You're tired, I have a bed...two problems weave together. Like in a Jacquard Loom..."**

**He flushed as he felt himself saying words without meaning to, desperate for her to stay.**

**"**I don't understand." 

She said softly.

"It used a sort of primitive punch card system."

"I'm not talking about the loom..."

**She whispered, and she slipped a hand from his to brush the hair from his forehead. **

**He closed his eyes briefly as she touched him. His skin was still damp, she could feel his temperature and he shivered when she let her hand fall away.**

**"You know before? When I asked you if you wanted me to say it?"**

**He asked, and she raised her eyes to his again.**

**"Max..."**

**She breathed but he cut her off with a slight shake of his head and he pressed his lips together before he spoke.**

**"I love you."**

**He whispered, stroking her hands.**

**"I fell in love the way you fall asleep...slowly, and then all at once...Couldn't help it."**

**More soon. Misfor...I hope that was ok? xxx**


	50. Chapter 50

Max sat on the edge of his bed, just climbing the stairs had left him out of breath and her wiped the sweat from his forehead.

He glanced through his open door to the bathroom door across the landing, he could hear the gentle splash of water. He'd run her a bath, filled it with bubbles and left her to soak whilst he readied his room for her. He'd smoothed out the bed and arranged the pillows. He'd put away odd pieces of clothing that he'd left out and placed the two old mugs of tea from his bookcase at the top of the stairs, too exhausted to make his way back down and then up again.

Now he stood slowly, the muscles in his thighs ached as he stood up and he moved slowly so as to minimalise the throbbing and gushing of his head. He opened the door to his wardrobe and shuffled his fingers through his clothes. With a faint groan he reached up and pulled down a pair of grey jogging bottoms and pulled them on. He felt too hot for anything more, and if Connie hadn't been with him he wouldn't have worn anything at all.

He looked at the soft pink night gown that Robyn had leant Connie, it was laying crumpled on his chair by the door. He smiled slightly and shook it out, folding it up and he leant out of the door to drop it down next to the mugs and made his way back to the wardrobe.

He pulled out a black T-shirt and a pair of his black boxer shorts and left them on the edge of the bed. If she was going to wear anything, he wanted it to be his.

As he sat back down on the bed he heard the gentle click of the lock on the bathroom door being drawn and Connie appeared in a plume of steam, a towel drawn about her body, her hair inky black and strung down her back in limp waves.

She made her way quickly across the landing, glancing down the stairs even though she knew Lofty and Robyn had left.

"Feel better?"

He asked, reaching out a hand to her. She nodded, though a look of concern laced her expression and she stopped in front of him.

"You don't look well."

She raised a hand to touch his forehead, his skin was hot and wet but he leant away from her touch.

"I'm fine, I got you these."

He gestured to the T-shirt and boxers and saw her hesitate, silently wondering what had happened to the night dress.

"Thank you."

She said quietly and she sat on the edge of the bed, tugging slowly at the end of the towel that she had tucked into the rest, holding it together.

He felt her stiffen, pausing, not quite able to convince herself to shed the towel in front of him.

"Do you need a hair dryer? I'll get you a hair dryer."

He answered his own question before she had a chance to and he stood up a little bit too quickly, his head swimming for a moment before he left to rifle through Robyn's drawers for her hair dryer.

Connie watched him go, and once she head his feet creak on the stairs she stood up and let the towel fall away from her. Hurriedly she pulled on the clothes that he had laid out for her, the T-shirt was baggy and the shoulders far too wide, the sleeves falling to the creases of her elbows. She pulled up in boxers and turned to face the mirror. David Bowie's face looked out at her from the T-shirt and her hair made dark cirlces where it touched the fabric. She drew in a breath, the boxers stopped just shy of her scars. The knicks and lines of her own doing and the larger more brutal jaggered scar...

"Connie?"

Max pushed the door closed behind him. He was holding a hair dryer, he looked even more pale after climbing the stairs and his breath was coming quickly. He plugged in the hair dryer next to the bed and rested it on the bedside table.

"David Bowie suits you."

He said, smiling, and he made his way over to her, stopping behind her, though she wouldn't meet his eyes in their reflection and he couldn't help but notice how her hands moved ever so slowly to try to cover the scars.

He sighed against her back and took another step, pressing himself against her and gently he moved his own hands to cover hers. She looked up at him quickly, her lips parted, eyes wide and wet.

"I know what you're thinking."

He whispered, his breath ticking behind her ear and fluttering the few strands of hair that had dried against her face.

"And the answer is yes."

He added. She frowned slightly and he slipped his fingers to interlink them with hers.

"I will always love you, the scars are part of you, I won't say they don't matter...but they don't change anything."

He dipped his lips to kiss the gentle rise of her shoulder.

"I will always find you as beautiful as I did the first day I saw you."

He murmured and she shuddered against him.

"Max..."

She turned in his arms so that she faced him, and she pulled her hands free of his and placed them tentatively on his chest.

"You know this isn't going to be easy?"

She asked and he drew up his shoulders, resting his hands against her hips, feeling the waist band of his boxers sitting just on the rise of her hip bone.

"Not much worth doing is."

He shrugged, letting his thumb trace circles on the flesh beneath the hem of her t-shirt.

She smiled slowly, exhaling a breath. She was waiting for herself to realise that this was all a mistake...

He kissed her gently, his lips pressing so gently against hers that they felt like a whisper. She gripped him tighter, his bare skin was warm and moist beneath her fingers and the muscle beneath his chest flinched at her touch. He kissed her more firmly, opening his mouth, his tongue teasing her own.

She moved an arm about his next and pulled him even closer. She could feel the gentle stir and throb of him against her thigh and she broke the kiss for the briefest of moments.

"It isn't even dark yet..."

She whispered. He frowned, confused for a moment, and then as she smiled and held her forehead against his he remembered what Robin had said earlier...did she make him do it in the dark...

"Ah..."

He raised his hands from his hips and guided her gently towards the window where he reached up for the first of the four blinds that hung at each long thin window.

_"_But its getting darker..."

He grinned as he pulled down the first blind and with a half step backwards, his other hand still holding hers he moved to the next.

_"_And darker..."

The second blind slid down, blotting out the pale winter sun and rolling grey clouds.

_"_And darker..."

He pulled down the third and stood with his hands poised on the fourth. Connie squeezed his fingers, she couldn't help but smile and he drew her closer ever so slowly as he pulled down the forth blind, nudging her with his nose, letting the stubble at his jaw brush against her skin until his teeth bit gently at the skin behind her ear and she arced her back against him.

"And darker."

He whispered, and the fourth blind drew to a close. 

**He exhaled sharply against her neck and his arms tightened around her. **

**"I want you."**

**He whispered and she shivered at the intent in his voice.**

He pressed another kiss to her shoulder and then his fingers were at the hem of the t-shirt again, she could feel the pull and tug as he slithered lazy trails over her skin making her tense and her breath catch.|

She took a deep breath but he held her steady, his fingers easing the hem of her t-shirt up over her head. Then his mouth was moving at the nape of her neck, trailing kisses across her shoulder. She felt her legs begin to feel weak and somehow he instinctively knew, and he held her just that little bit tighter, unsure how he was managing to stay upright himself. His head ached behind his eyes and as he kissed her he could feel the dull throb of his jaw.

At the gentle scrape of his teeth, her head fell back against him, and his lips moved to the side of her throat, her ear.

"The first time I saw you I thought about kissing you like this..."

He said softly as he began brushing tiny kisses across her jaw, down the line of her neck. "When you first arrived at the hospital...and you walked through the ward, in your shirt, and your skirt..."

He paused in his kisses to draw back and look at her.

"I thought you were beautiful and I wished I could have a reason to touch you."

He whispered and she drew in a long slow breath and ran her hands down, across his chest to his waist where she slipped her fingers over and over the bare flesh just above his waist band so that his breathing slowed and caught in his throat.

His hands smoothed over her arms, long strokes down to her fingertips and back up again. When his hand came up to brush her chin she reached for his mouth and kissed him, rising up on her toes and pressing the whole length herself against him.

His mouth was urgent, his stubble rough against her face. She'd lost all sense of herself, of any part of her he wasn't touching, as if she only existed where their bodies met.

His hands moved to her hips and then up, stroking the bare skin of her back. She arched against him. Her spine became one long column of sensation as his fingers trailed higher, his palms cupping the ridges of her shoulder blades. Then he swept his hands down again and around her waist, thumbing over the tender skin there, dipping lower to find the sensitive places over her hip bones. And all the while they were kissing, kissing, her arms tight around his neck to keep from falling.

When he broke away from her mouth to kiss her cheeks, her eyelids, she felt his fingers move upwards, grazing against the undersides of her breasts. Her eyes fluttered open as his hands took hers, and he drew her to the side of the bed. He was watching her in a way that made her heart stutter in her chest, his gaze like a living thing, a snare that caught her and wouldn't let her get away.

"When you look at me like that, I can't breathe."

She whispered hoarsely and he reached out and brought her back into his arms.

"You're shaking."

He murmured, drawing her down onto the bed so that she lay next to him. Fine tremors ran through her whole body.

"It's just me,"

He said, fingers warm against her cheek.

"I know. That's why..."

She whispered and he touched the skin of her jaw, all the way to her ear and then down to her throat.

It was hard, so hard to say the words. She dropped her eyes to where his fingers began the gradual ascent up the curve of her chest.

"I don't want to disappoint you...I don't want to hurt you."

"You couldn't."

His voice held so much tenderness, so much love but she didn't think he understood, not really.

"I mean...I don't want this to spoil anything..."

She stopped again, somehow there just weren't the words to tell him that she didn't want this to end, though she was terrified of admitting that it was beginning and she refused to allow herself to think about what would happen if people found out...

His thumbs swept up under her chin to tilt her head back as he bent and gently kissed the pulse beating in her throat.

"Relax,"

He murmured against her skin.

She tried, even as her pulse raced thick and hot, her body felt as though it wasn't her own, had transformed into a creature beyond her control.

Max was kissing her again, his tongue teasing, blotting out all thought so that she hardly recognised it when he pulled himself up over her, his body trembling, gently holding himelf up above her, his legs nudging between hers.

It wasn't until his mouth left hers and began pressing kisses against her sternum that the reality of it struck her: she could so very easily fall in love with him right at that moment...

Never breaking their gaze, his fingers feathered up over her ribs with soft, glancing touches, a whisper of skin against skin. His eyes had gone dark, darker than she'd ever seen them, the blue almost swallowed by the black of his pupils.

He touched her, over and over, her ribs, her stomach, her back. He sucked lightly at the delicate skin of her chest and touched a tongue between her breasts.

The pads of his fingers were calloused in places, causing tiny frictions that sent sparks racing across her flesh. Her breath came in shallow pants. Somehow her hands had risen to grip his shoulders, kneading the muscles there, his body seemed so large suddenly, so solid and real.

Her head rolled back against the pillow and all the while he was touching her everywhere, everywhere except where she wanted him to. Her skin felt too tight, almost painfully sensitised, as if she would burst and fall apart.

He shifted and one hand came up to brush the hair from her cheek. Easing back, he kissed her mouth and his fingers began their teasing again, a soft brush under the curve of her breast, then one finger traced the slope, circling the nipple but never quite touching it. Finally, finally, he took her breast in his whole hand, cupping it, cradling it, and she arched up, unable to stop herself. She pushed her face into his shoulder, trying to breathe against his skin.

Then his hand moved to the other breast and he bent his head. The wet heat of his mouth touched her and she bit down hard on her bottom lip, clutching at him with her hands. He flicked her with his tongue, sucked her into his mouth, nipped at her delicately with his teeth, on and on until she was panting, whimpering...

"Max, please..."

Her voice broke and she couldn't finish, didn't know exactly what it was that she was asking. She could feel the ache deep within her, wishing she could just tell him that she loved him too.

Raising his head, he stroked her face.

"I know,"

He whispered.

"I know."

He took one of her hands from where it gripped his shoulder and brought it to his lips, kissed her fingers, her palm. Then he bent to her mouth again and she kissed him with a kind of eager desperation. Her hands mapped the plains of his shoulders and back, everywhere smooth, hot skin and shifting muscle squeezing her lungs so that she struggled to breathe, and all she wanted was more.

He knelt by her and hooked his fingers in the waist of his boxers that she wore and drew them slowly down her legs so that the slide of the fabric was like a caress. She should've felt exposed, her scars white in the dim light, but when he eased her knee up and began placing kisses on her ankle, all she felt was a dazed, trembling delight. The sensation was so disconcerting, so provocative. How absurd it seemed that she could name all the muscles and bones of the lower limbs but the response of her body to his touch was something new. It was as though everything she knew about anatomy suddenly had no meaning.

Her breath hitched as he moved higher, placing wet, open-mouthed kisses against the inside of her knee, her thigh. She watched him watching her in a way that was so familiar yet so different. And she had a moment to wonder, when he rose up over her, that he was still wearing his jogging bottoms.

Then he touched her.

Her body stiffened. His fingers moved slowly, gently between her legs at first, then more firmly, more sure. She felt his finger enter her so gently and her body spasmed as though it were trying to hold him there within her. There was nothing, nothing but him. He watched her. All she could see was his face, the wild blue of his eyes a thin ring around the black. All she could feel were his hands, urging her, taking her over. It was more than pleasure, too intense, too ferocious, like being consumed. It was too much, too overwhelming, she couldn't stand it. She shook her head against the pillow as a new tension overtook her.

"No..."

She whimpered, struggling against something that she couldn't pin-point.

"It's all right."

He whispered, his breathing as harsh as her own.

"I've got you."

He sighed, and he paused for a moment to look down at her. He wondered what she was thinking, was she thinking of him, or was the fear in her eyes because she was thinking of that afternoon in her office...

Everything had been a blur of sensation since he first touched her, but now as she caught her breath, as she stretched her heavy limbs, she could see the tension in him, the cost of his restraint. The strong planes of his face looked sculpted, taut, the skin stretched tight over the bones. For the first time she felt the quiver in his muscles, the hard ridge of his arousal at her hip.

He held himself on one elbow, the muscles of his arm and shoulder hard under her fingertips as she worked them up into his hair. With both hands she pulled him down to her until her breasts pressed against his chest. Instinctively, she turned more fully into him, pulled him closer and when her bent knee rode up, over his thigh, his hips bucked against her once.

He was panting, the sound harsh in the silence, as he pressed his face into the curve of her neck. She held him close, wanting what was to come but unsure how to say it or even if she should.

After a long moment he lifted his head to look at her.

"You sure?"

He asked. His fingers shook a little where they lay on her stomach and she was humbled that he could still, even now, be patient.

She smiled and touched his lips.

"Yes."

He kissed the tips of her fingers and then rose to stand and undress completely, unselfconscious under her gaze. In the dim light his skin seemed to glow. Looking at him, everything inside her seemed to pulse in tandem, all her fear and shyness of her scars had gone. In that moment, she understood that this was what she had wanted all along, perhaps even from the first time he'd kissed her and they'd spent the weekend at the holiday cabin. What she had been frightened of was not his desire but her own..that somehow what they had would be thought as something less important because of their differing statuses.

He knelt on the bed, crawled slowly up her body, dropping kisses as he ascended, graceful and intent as a hunting animal.

His mouth moved over her breasts, her throat. He shifted onto his elbows, settling between her thighs, and she felt the blind seeking of his body for hers. She knew the strength of the muscles under her fingertips, the weight of him pressing her into the ground.

His head dropped to her shoulder and he let out a sound very much like a growl.

"I'm sorry."

He whispered, she could feel him smiling, amused at the noise he'd made.

"Don't be,"

She breathed, though his smile at her neck made her laugh. Her inner muscles contracted in a way that was unexpectedly pleasurable and he sucked in a sharp breath and pushed against her hard.

"Stop that..."

He grinned again and she bit her lip. As he rose up on his elbows again to look down at her, she could feel the way his body moved within hers. She moved her fingers over his cheeks, his nose, his lips.

"I love you so much."

She whispered, barely able to breathe as he pushed even further.

He kissed her then, and it was as if he was kissing her with his whole self, with nothing held back. He began to move within her, against her, over her, and nothing could have prepared her for the sheer animal physicality of it. She turned her head to kiss the bunched muscle of his arm, the skin there warm and salty, his entire body hot and sweating.

She threaded her fingers through his hair and watched the intensity of his face, the strain of holding himself back, his breath was quick and fractured and she let her head fall back, her eyes closed tightly as the movement of his hips against her overcame him, the pleasure, the need, and she understood as she never had before that the intimacy came not solely from the act itself but from the trust he gave her in that moment when his mouth slackened and his eyes glazed and she tightened around him, the pit of her stomach aching, a blind white light of pleasure making her clench her teeth and buck against him until gradually they both slowed and finally, finally, their bodies fell limp against one another.

**More soon xxx**


	51. Chapter 51

It was late afternoon when they woke, their bodies arranged haphazardly across the bed, limbs intertwined, Connie's head tucked neatly into Max's shoulder, just below his chin, and when he awoke he found his vision blurred by threads of long dark curls that were stuck to the thin layer of sweat that gleaned against his skin.

With one hand he shifted and peeled the hair from his eyes and mouth and moved his head. Connie stretched against him, her body stiffening and relaxing and she bought one knee up, her calf tossed across his waist.

"Afternoon."

He yawned, his eyes watered and he covered his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What time is it?"

She asked, running her hand across his chest. Her voice was muffled and thick with sleep.

He shifted, his skin no longer shivered and his temperature seemed to have dropped. He twisted his body and squinted with one eye at the digital clock on the bedside table.

"4:48"

His voice was strained from the angle of his head and he turned back to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, stroking the soft angular curve of her shoulder blade with his fingers.

"How do you feel?"

He whispered and she smiled against his throat.

"I was about to ask you the same thing..."

She paused and tilted her face up to see him.

"I feel fine."

She added and he raised a hand to smooth the hair from her face, tucking it gently behind one ear.

"You're the doctor, am I better?"

He asked as he stretched, she could hear the gentle creak of his bones beneath his chest and she slipped a hand beneath the covers to run her fingers through the hairs that ran down from his belly button.

She smiled and lifted her head again, narrowing her eyes, regarding him with a twitch of a smile.

His skin was no longer flushed and sweaty, his eyes had lost the prominent veins and dark circles...he looked like him again.

She slipped her fingers just that little bit lower across his stomach, he cleared his throat and laughed slightly and she felt the nudge of his erection against the heel of her hand.

"I think you've recovered..."

She whispered and leant down to kiss him softly on the lips.

He smiled against her kiss and pushed his fingers into the tangle of hair at the back of her head, it was so knotted that his fingers held fast against her scalp and he wondered briefly how she would ever get a brush through it.

Before he could wonder anything else she removed her hand and rolled over onto her back. He yawned again and groaned deep within his throat, stretching and smoothing his hand across her stomach, turning to face her, his head propped up on one hand, his elbow pushed into the pillow.

"I want to take you out."

He said suddenly and she raised an eyebrow, her dark eyes narrowed.

"Hmm?"

She murmured. She could feel the very tip of his fingers stroking repeatedly across her hip bone.

"To dinner? I want to take you out somewhere...just me and you?"

As he spoke his voice began to lose it's certainty and he seemed to hold his breath whilst he waited for her to respond.

She inhaled slowly and glanced down toward her chest before looking back up at him. She thought briefly of who might see them...

"We could go somewhere outside of the city..."

He added quietly, seeing her hesitation and guessing the cause of it.

She shook her head gently and smiled slightly.

"I'd like that."

She whispered, and she moved a hand to touch the arm that held her, his skin was smooth and covered in soft dark hairs. She could feel the muscles in his forearm flex and ease beneath her touch.

"When?"

She asked, moving her hand up to his shoulder where the skin was softer and the muscle harder.

He drew in a quick breath and spoke through it's exhale.

"Tonight?"

He said quickly.

"Tonight?!"

She smiled again at his eagerness and she caught the gentle flush of his cheeks as he realised she hadn't realised he'd meant so soon.

"Or we could.."

"Tonight's fine."

She squeezed his shoulder and pulled him closer so that his body pressed against the side of her own and his hand that had toyed with the curve of her hip now slipped firmly over the curve of her ribs to trail lazily over the rise and fall of her breasts.

"But I'd have to go home first...to get dressed."

She spoke quietly and as she finished he ran a finger from her forehead down the bridge of her nose to her lips where she kissed them ever so gently and he let his hand fall back down to her waist.

"I'll come and pick you up. It'll be a proper date."

He murmured, and she arced an eyebrow in mild surprise.

"A date?"

She repeated, her lips pursing, trying to hide the twitch of a smile.

He nodded.

"A date."

**Hello! I'm so sorry I disappeared. We've had a long string of horrible illnesses so the children have kept me busy. Thank you for all of the lovely messages of concern though! And don't worry, I'll never just abandon the stories, if I disappear it's because something has happened, but I'll always come back ;) xxx**


	52. Chapter 52

"Where are we going?"

The light from the street lamps caught the shimmer of rain water on the road. Max was driving, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. She had grown used to seeing him behind the wheel of her own car, and the thought alone made her smile.

"Somewhere outside of the city."

He said, making sure that she knew that he had kept his promise of anonymity, and a smile of his own at the corner of his mouth. She watched him, he hadn't shaved, his jawline smudged and shadowy in the dim light, his hair was dark in the shadows, his eyes a glittering inky blue black.

She didn't reply, though she felt a flutter of excitement within her stomach. Instead she focused on the rain that spattered across the windscreen, the wipers moving slowly back and forth, back and forth as the raindrops vibrated and slithered across the glass before being swept up by the wipers, leaving only a wet streak across the glass that bloomed with the light from the street lights causing her to blink against the glare.

They drove the rest of the way with only the soothing hum of the windscreen wipers and the quiet murmur of the radio, the silence between them as comfortable as if they were sleeping, curled up within one another's arms.

Eventually the car slowed, and Max cleared his throat, though he remained silent. Connie shifted in her seat, sitting up straighter and running her fingers gingerly across the top of her head, checking for loose strands of hair. She was nervous, she realised. She had tied her hair up, something she rarely did these days, preferring instead to hide behind the lengths of dark hair that could shield her face should she need to. Tonight however, she had opted to be visible, whether this had something to do with the need to prove to Max that she wasn't ashamed to be seen out with him, despite opting for a place out of the city centre, she wasn't entirely sure. But still, she had tied her hair in a loose knot at the nape of her neck, and as they stepped out of the car she felt the cold air rush against the bare skin of her neck making her shiver.

The sky above them was black, the first few stars had appeared, suddenly, as if someone had thrown a handful of silver across the edge of the world. Silently he reached out a hand, his fingers still, waiting, and he only began to move across the car park once she had accepted his hand, squeezing his palm with her own.

"Where are we?"

She dipped her head against the rain, trying to squint every now and then through the rain to the long low barn-like building ahead of them.

"We are..."

He paused, gently steering her closer to the edge of the car park and out of the way of an on coming black LandRover, the windows were tinted, and as they watched it roll by, rain hissing from beneath it's tyres, lights flickering and blooming against it's glossy rain streaked sides, they see their reflections, blurred and pixelated against the glittering vehicle.

Instead of continuing with his explanation, Max tugs her again, and they round the corner of the low building, revealing the sign carved out of wood that hangs above the door, '_Annie's', _Connie takes note of the name as they enter.

Standing in the small, dimly lit entrance way they can hear the clatter of cutlery and murmur of voices, interspersed with the occasional flurry or shout of laughter.

Connie pulled the wet black wool of her coat sleeves from her arms, feeling Max move behind her, coaxing the fabric from her body, she shivered briefly and tilted her head to look through the double doors that led into the room beyond.

"My Gran's."

Max said, folding her coat onto his arm and running his fingers through the wet spikes of his hair so that it lay flat again.

Connie frowned, confused, and Max gestured with his free arm to their surroundings.

"This place, my Gran has had it since I was born."

He explained and reached for the handle of the double doors leading into the main restaurant. Connie's eyes widened and Max could see her pulse flicker in the dip of her neck, in the shallow of her collar bone. He opened the door and she hesitated.

"Don't worry."

He smiled slowly, he had expected her apprehension.

"She'll be tucked up at home in bed with a cup of Bovril and a Mills and Boon."


	53. Chapter 53

**__Hello everyone, I'm back. I apologise for such a long absence. I have a string of excuses which I won't bore you with, suffice to say we have internet now, and touch wood we will have no more problems with it! I hope you are all well? Thank you for the lovely comments I've received so far. I've decided that I will allocate a day to each story, so that each will be updated at least once a week. This story will be updated on Wednesday evenings.__******

**The restaurant was set inside what appeared to be one long barn, high above them a vaulted ceiling showed aged timbers stretching from one side to the other, interspersed with overhead lighting that hung down on thick silver wires, leaving the barn illuminated with a golden glow.**

**Despite it's obvious appeal it was quiet, there were only a handful of occupied tables, all families crowded around the oblong tables, chatting and sharing forkfuls of their meals with one another. **

**Max led her to a corner table by the far window where he pulled out a chair for her and waited for her to sit before he sat opposite. She smiled as he sat, and reached a hand out across the table to him, running her fingers across the top of his hand before interlinking her fingers with his.**

**"I know it's probably not what you're used to..."**

**He glanced about them, it was nothing fancy, just good honest home cooked food served with a smile.**

**Connie followed his gaze, she could see why he wanted to bring her hear, it was a part of his childhood, and therefore a part of him. She leaned slightly so that she could read from the specials board behind Max's head.**

**"You won't find any caviar on the menu..."**

**He was joking but when she looked at him she could see how much he wanted her to like the place. She nudged him with the toe of her boot under the table.**

**"Stop worrying."**

**She said quietly, and watched as he raised an eyebrow and squeezed her fingers. They had always had this, the uncanny ability to know what one another were thinking before they had said it. **

**"Anything you fancy?"**

**He asked, not bothering to cast a glance behind him, he frequented so often that he knew what they would be serving.**

**"Surprise me."**

**She said, her lips smiling. She was hungry, really hungry, for the first time in such a long time that whatever Max presented her with, she would eat. He raised an eyebrow again and his eyes twinkled in that way that they did when he was amused by his own thoughts.**

**"You asked for it."**

**He said, his voice strained as he leant back and waved a hand, catching the eye of a waiter.**

**"Jacob!"**

**He greeted the waiter by name, and the waiter in turn clapped Max on the back and looked pointedly from him to Connie.**

**"How's Gran?"**

**Max asked, ignoring Jacob's glances. **

**The waiter drew up his shoulders and expelled a breath of air from between his lips.**

**"I've just been up to see her."**

**He glanced to Connie again who merely smiled politely. **

**"What was it this time?"**

**Max asked, smiling, and again his eyes glittered with amusement.**

**"She thought she saw a bear out of the window."**

**Jacob shrugged and Connie glanced up.**

**"A bear?"**

**She asked, and Jacob shrugged.**

**"It was a laundry basket. Took quiet a fright, but I think I scared it off."**

**He said, and Max grinned again and drew in a breath, ready, finally to put Jacob out of his misery.**

**"This is Connie."**

**He said, and he raised his eyes, looking at Connie across the table with that look of his, the look of pure adoration and pride.**

**Jacob looked visibly relieved, and then, surprising her, he held out his hand which she took after only a moments pause.**

**"Jacob...his cousin."**

**His hand was warm and strong as he looked genuinely relieved to have finally been introduced to her.**

**"Your cousin?"**

**Connie repeated looking to Max and folding her hands together, she felt suddenly flustered. She hadn't been expecting to meet a member of his family, and now that she was, she surprised herself by how nervous she felt.**

**"It's about time somebody tamed him."**

**Jacob hugged the menu's that he was holding to his chest and twirled a pencil back and forth between his fingers.**

**"He's been on his own too long, he was becoming feral."**

**Jacob smiled and all at once Connie saw the vague family resemblance between them, they both had that smile that cut across their faces quick enough to take your breath away.**

**"I wasn't quite feral..."**

**Max interjected with a roll of his eyes.**

**"It's like Gran always says."**

**Jacob interupted with a flourish of his pencil.**

**"People aren't meant to be alone, everyone needs a partner or they become unbalanced, and you, Sir, were becoming unbalanced. It's nature."**

**He shrugged again, though he clearly found it amusing to be reciting his Grandmother, and Max sighed dramatically.**

**"Well I'm sure she'll set me right."**

**His eyes never left Connie's as he spoke.**

**"She's an awfully strong force of nature."**

**He added with a wink.**


	54. Chapter 54

"You didn't tell me I would be meeting your family..."

Connie murmured. She held her hands clasped in front of her on the table and as she spoke she glanced about at the the other tables.

"I didn't know he would be working...it wasn't intentional, I promise."

Max flashed her a smile and narrowed his eyes, cocking his head to one side to look at her. It was obviously to early to be thinking of such serious relationship milestones, judging by her reaction at meeting his cousin.

"He won't say anything...if that's what you're worried about?"

He added, and he reached out a hand across the table, running his fingers across the rise and fall of her knuckles.

"That's not what I'm worried about."

She spoke quickly, too quickly, and Max could see the familiar flicker of irritation at the corner of her mouth. He squeezed her hands to gain her attention.

"You know you'll have to meet them eventually..."

He said quietly. Her lips tightened and she looked at their hands folded together so intimately between them. She imaged how they must look. A normal couple, out for a normal romantic meal together. She refused to think of the age gap...

"I know that...I know..."

She sucked in a breath, her chest expanded and she exhaled slowly, visibly letting go of the tension that she felt mounting up within her.

"Sorry."

She added, the glimmer of amusement was back behind the hazel of her eyes. Max smiled and squeezed her hand again, and then as she watched the reflection of the candle within his eyes he leant to one side, looking behind her, a frown creasing his forehead.

"You know you didn't want anybody from work knowing about us?"

He asked, and she felt his fingers slip from hers as she turned in her seat, the table giving an alarming lurch as she glanced behind herself to see Dylan coming through the entrance way, bustled up in coats, a scarf pulled tightly about his neck and he held a tub in one hand as he approached the bar.

"What's he doing here?"

Connie felt her stomach drop, and she turned back to Max as she spoke. She paused. Her eyes settling on the empty seat before her.

She glanced about herself. Max had disappeared. She shifted and twisted again in her seat. Dylan was speaking to a woman behind the bar who seemed to know him. She took the tub he held and then he turned, looking directly at Connie. He gave a slight nod of his head in an awkward greeting and shifted from one foot to the other.

"Not exactly the sort of place one would expect to find you, Connie."

He glanced to the waitress who had returned with the Tupperware container he had come in with and thanked her as he tucked it under his arm.

"Nor you..."

She murmured. Her eyes glancing about her again, looking for Max.

"It's uh, It's Dervla's treat night. She's rather fond of their offcuts."

He gestured with the Tupperware container and she nodded slowly, all to aware that it was her turn to explain her presence.

"I'm..."

She paused, the table seemed to quiver ,she felt it through her elbow that she had pressed against the table top.

"I'm just waiting for somebody."

She cleared her throat and Dylan looked pointedly to the empty seat opposite her.

"I see."

He said slowly.

"Well, I won't keep you..."

He gestured again to the tub full of Dervla's dinner, and Connie covered her mouth with her fingers, her body suddenly stiffening, and a muffled yelp came from her throat as she felt the slip of Max's fingers creeping up from her ankle, slowly, slowly, making their way up passed her knee, to her inner thigh, and higher...

She adjusted herself in her chair and crossed her legs. Firmly.

"Everything OK, Connie?"

He asked, drawing in a breath. The Tupperware container had clouded over from the warmth of the food within, and little rivulets of condensation were appearing on the inside of the plastic.

"Yes! Yes...I hope Dervla enjoys her treat..."

She cleared her throat and Dylan gave a downward purse of his mouth, nodding slowly, vaguely.

"Indeed. Right. Well, goodbye, Connie."

He drew his coat more tightly about him and rearranged the scarf at his throat, all the while Connie struggled with the path of Max's fingers, his fingertips dragging over the soft skin of her thighs, his breath hot between them.

Dylan squeezed between her seat and the table behind, taking a different route to the door, taking a moment to pause directly behind her.

"Before I go..you might want to have a word with somebody who works here, there seems to be a hospital porter hiding under your table."

_**Thank you to everyone for all of the lovely reviews! As I said before, this story will be updated every Thursday night, and in between times if I get the chance! Reviews always welcome, they always make me smile :) xxx**_


	55. Chapter 55

**"He won't tell anyone!"**

**Max reached across the table to her, his fingers touching the warm skin of her forearms that she had neatly folded before her. **

**"How could you possibly know that?!"**

**She kept her voice low, aware of the other customers, and of Max's cousin who seemed intent on loitering just within ear shot of them.**

**"It's Dylan!"**

**Max exclaimed, suppressing a laugh.**

**"I've never met anyone with such a lack of interest in other human beings!"**

**She sighed as he spoke. She knew he was right, when she thought about it there were several other people who she could be glad hadn't caught them together.**

**Max leant back in his seat, exhaling and letting his fingers slip from her arms. She always seemed such hard work...**

**"You know people will find out eventually..."**

**He said finally, the smile at his lips beginning to fade. **

**"Mmm."**

**She reached for her wine glass and took a sip.**

**"Oh! Don't go all Mrs Beauchamp on me now..."**

**He sucked in a breath and placed a hand on his chest, he was getting hungry, and he didn't want this to spoil their meal. **

**"I wanted this to be special. I wanted to bring you here because it means something to me. I wanted to walk home with you arm in arm and tell you that I love you,...I wanted to kiss you under the stars..."**

**Even without looking at him Connie could tell that he was smiling. He was trying to win her round, he was using that charm of his to get her to lighten up, and with a roll of her eyes she allowed him to succeed.**

**"You know people will find out eventually."**

**He said quietly, reaching out for her again, and this time she looked up at him.**

**"I know."**

**She murmured. It wasn't that she didn't want people to know about their relationship, she didn't mind if they did, not really. She wanted it to be out in the open, but she was terrified of the rumours, and of the glances she would receive. **

**Right now she couldn't think of anything worse than being the centre of hospital gossip once more.**

**Right now she was enjoying their relationship as a hidden fairytale of a thing. 'The clinical lead and the porter', it made her smile to know that they had a secret. She enjoyed it. It seemed to relieve her of the need for order, and allowed her a moment of impossible, irrational desire. She couldn't help but think that ****if the tiniest of actions reverberated throughout the universe in invisible and unexpected ways, changing the weather and the climate, then anything was possible, and she wasn't willing to take the risk to see whether it would be a change for the good, or for the bad. After all, every fairy tale had a bloody lining. Every one had teeth and claws, and she could well imagine how the hospital staff would enjoy getting their teeth and claws into this piece of gossip.**

**She looked at him across the table, his blue eyes so clear and honest, his mouth paused between a smile and something that he wanted to say, but couldn't quite put into words.**

**"I'm just going to..."**

**She glanced in the direction of the women's toilets and he followed her gaze.**

**"Powder your nose?"**

**He asked as she stood up. She smiled.**

**"Don't you go climbing out of the window..."**

**He murmured, and as she made to pass him she reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder.**

**"I'm not going anywhere."**

**She said as she gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and she left to push open the door to the toilets.**

**Inside here was much colder than the restaurant, somebody had opened the window at the end of the corridor of toilets, and the wind whistled in through the thin glass making her shiver.**

**She rested her hands against the sink, she was alone. She looked at herself in the mirror. Despite everything she was mildly pleased with what she saw. If nothing else she still had her appearance. Nothing could take that away except time, and time was something that was happening slowly enough for her to adjust to.**

**She drew in a breath and stood up straight, she smoothed down the fabric of her dress and cleared her throat. Did it really matter? She wondered. Did it matter if people knew? She frowned, and then relaxed her face, catching sight of the lines across her forehead.**

**Never before had she known herself to be so indecisive. She blew out a breath from between her lips and whilst looking at herself in the mirror she decided that she would go back into the restaurant, she would sit down opposite Max and she would tell him that no it didn't matter...**

**She smiled to herself, and made to turn back to the doorway, but as she glanced away she caught the flicker of something in the mirror before her. She felt her skin prickle, every hair at the nape of her neck seemed to stand on end, and as she looked back up into the mirror that showed the reflection of the open window behind her, she saw him.**

**She'd thought she had seen him hundreds...thousands of times before. If she had moved too quickly, or squinted her eyes, she had thought she had seen him before her, in shadows, within trees. Before now, she had always imagined that she had seen him when he was never really there. It was only the ghost of the idea of him that had been there beneath the bed when she kissed Max goodnight, there when she sat at her desk to write letters to her daughter at school. He had been in her coffee cup, her bathwater, her tears. **

**But now he was there. He was looking back at her, just standing there against the glass, watching her, and he was smiling.**

**Within an instant she realised, unfinished business always comes back to haunt you, and a man who has sworn he'll love you forever isn't finished with you until he's done.**

**I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. More to come soon! Please review and let me know what you think :) Hope everyone is having a lovely evening xxx**


	56. Chapter 56

**It was as though she were within a nightmare. **

**She could no longer move. The floor held her where she was as though it were smeared with glue, and whilst she had been standing there, staring at this man who climbed in through the open window with the ease of a cat, it had hardened at her feet.**

**She couldn't shout out, or speak, everything slipped into slow motion, she could feel the scream within her throat, she could even hear how it would sound if she could only force it from her chest, but when she parted her lips there was only the whisper of a breath.**

**"Hello Connie."**

**His hands hung by his sides, his fingers flexed, but it was his voice, the American twang that was the most out of place in this room that seemed to be getting smaller by the second.**

**She opened her mouth to speak but there was nothing, nothing but the beat of her own heart inside her head.**

**He neared her, his shoes oddly silent on the floor, he stopped, a foot from her, and as she inhaled she smelled him, and every single little piece of that day in her office came back to her, every little thing that she hadn't even realised she had forgotten, the way he'd stroked her hair and told her he loved her, the way he'd teased her before pushing her against the desk.**

**She swallowed, though her mouth was dry.**

**"Who's the man?"**

**He asked, and for the first time she looked at his face. He was so close to her that she could see the glint of his straight white teeth, the bloodshot eyes and the slicked back hair. He looked no different from how he had done all those years ago when she'd left him in the ER in America, the blood of his wife on his hands.**

**"Hmm?"**

**He took a half step closer so that his breath was on her face, and she flinched, her body cold.**

**"Max."**

**She whispered, and as she spoke he raised his hand and slapped her so sharply across her mouth that all she registered was pain and the taste of blood, she hadn't even noticed him move.**

**"Who is ****_Max?_****"**

**He asked, and his hands took hold of her wrists, her bones twisting against one another, and she closed her eyes, unable to look at him any longer.**

**"I..."**

**She cleared her throat, it hurt so much to speak, but when he shook her she realised she had no choice but to continue.**

**"I love him."**

**She whispered, her voice catching.**

**He laughed, slowly and quickly, a dull, bored sounding chuckle before he sighed and jerked her closer so that she opened her eyes.**

**"I'm sorry to hear that."**

**He smiled, his lip curled, his face inches from her own. She could see the pores of his skin, and the flicker at the corner of his eye.**

**"It will make this a great deal more difficult for you."**

**He added, tilting his head to one side.**

**"What do you mean?"**

**She asked, clearing her throat, her eyes searching for somewhere to look, anywhere but at him.**

**He let go of her left wrist, the flesh where he had held throbbed and the colour flooded back beneath her skin. **

**He reached down to the hem of her skirt, to where Max's fingers had been only moments before, and she closed her eyes again, struggling against a breath as she stood, so full of fear that she was powerless to do anything but feel as he pushed up the fabric and traced the scar that he had left on her inner thigh, brushing her underwear with his knuckles.**

**"I thought this would be enough."**

**He murmured, pushing himself against her, his cheek against hers, his mouth against her ear.**

**"I thought you wouldn't be able to forget me."**

**She shook her head, her lips trembled and she could feel her knee caps shaking as her legs threatened to give way.**

**"But now I see this little game isn't over yet."**

**He whispered, pushing his knuckles harder against her so that she shuddered and a thick wave of nausea caused her throat to contract.**

**"Game?"**

**She gasped as he reached up higher, to where her underwear curved about her hip, running the tip of a finger just below the lace against her bare skin.**

**"Come on Connie...we've been playing at this for years. You're a cock tease. You've been leading me on for all these years, playing me...now it's my turn to play a little game with you."**

**He bit his lip, pleased with himself, his blue eyes so full of laughter as he felt her try to hold her legs together.**

**"This game...when does it end?"**

**She murmured, struggling to draw a breath, her eyes showing sparkling white spots just in her peripheral vision, but still she saw him smile, a smile surrounded by glitter.**

**"It ends when there's a victor."**

**He laughed, and with a violent twist of her wrists he turned her against him so that she faced the stall of the toilet opposite, his arms about her, holding her still.**

**"In."**

**He said.**

**-1-**

**Apologies ! I have neglected this! I'm struggling to find time to write during the summer holidays (not long left though until my daughter goes to school and I will have more time!)**

**I do apologise though, again...and I promise to do better!**

**I won't leave you in suspense... **

**Any guesses/wishes as to whats going to happen next?! :) xxx**


	57. Chapter 57

**"Mark..."**

**He locked the door of the small cubicle and stood against it, just looking at her, the toilet behind her cold against the back of her legs.**

**"What do you want?"**

**She asked, her voice choked, her lips trembling. She could smell the faint tinny smell of urine beneath the mask of air freshener.**

**He drew in a long, long breath, as if thinking it over, enjoying the fact that his mere presence could reduce her to such a quivering submissive wreck of a woman without him having to try.**

**"I want you."**

**He answered finally, giving a shrug of his shoulders.**

**She let her eyes close and she tried to steady her breathing. Surely Max would realise she had been in here too long, surely he would come to look for her if only she could keep him talking...**

**"I can't give you that."**

**She whispered, opening her eyes, forcing herself to look directly at him, into those cold, laughing blue eyes that made her feel as though she were going to faint just from looking at him.**

**He touched his fingers to his forehead, exhaled a silent breathy laugh and shook his head, glancing down to her legs.**

**"I wasn't asking for your permission."**

**He murmured, and again she felt her stomach wince. She felt so light headed and so full of fear that her skin seemed to buzz and prickle with a cold white heat that made her sweat.**

**He moved closer, just taking the one step towards her that closed the gap. He raised his hands and she flinched, watching warily as he held his palms either side of her head, slowly pushing his fingers into her hair before pulling so hard that she would have screamed had her head not been pulled back at an angle that instantly rendered her mute. **

**He knew exactly how to hurt her, so that the marks hardly showed. He leant against her, allowing his hold on her hair to ease slightly before kissing her, hard. Pulling her against him so that she could feel every hair that was ripped from her scalp. He knew how to kiss her , too, so that her heart began to race and she'd start to wish for death with every breath. **

**The moment he forced his tongue into her mouth and pushed her against the wall was like any other moment of fear, with every fact filtered through a veil of disbelief. The rational world had spun so completely out of its orbit that there was no way to chart or expect what might happen next.**

**The sound of the door to the toilets opening stopped him. He pulled away only slightly, listening.**

**She wanted to cry out, she opened her mouth to speak but fear stole her voice and instead she was left to listen to the sound of a woman's shoes moving across the floor, scraping as they came to a stand still. There was the soft click of a compact opening and Connie imagined her there, this woman in front of the mirrors reapplying her make up, oblivious to the fact that behind her, in the locked stall, there was a woman frightened for her life.**

**She swallowed, and she kept swallowing, over and over but the taste of bile wouldn't leave her throat and she coughed. His hand snapped sharply to her mouth, clamping fast against her skin, smothering her, her head growing light until finally they heard the footsteps and the swing and close of the door, and he released her for a moment, only to take hold of her upper arms, holding her steady, up against the rise and fall of his chest.**

**"You played me. You made me think you wanted me but you were just using me. You didn't think I'd let you get away with that did you? You didn't think that I would let you disappear and get married...live a happily ever after with someone else after what you did? You're not that stupid..."**

**He whispered softly but quickly against her ear, his breath tickling the hair that had fallen loose about her face.**

**She focused on breathing, ignoring the bitter stench of alcohol on his breath, and the bullet points of pain he inflicted with each fingertip held fast against her arms.**

**He wanted to inflict more than just pain, she could see that in him, and what a man wants he will often manage to find.**

**"Connie?"**

**The door to the toilets opened again, and it was the sound of Max's voice that made her gasp and cry out. **

**She heard him pause, only for the briefest of seconds, and then there was a hand about her mouth and her body was forced backwards, her legs twisting as he pushed her against the wall against the toilet.**

**Max's shadow slipped across the floor and the door gave a shuddering bang as he shouldered it open, the broken lock clattering to the floor.**

**"Connie...!"**

**The door to the cubicle swung limply on one hinge, tapping back against the wall. **

**Mark held her, his back to Max, his eyes closed, his forehead creased. The air seemed to stretch thin between them, everyone paused as if frozen still.**

**"Let her go."**

**Max was the first to break the silence, his voice oddly calm, though from over Mark's shoulder Connie could see how pale he was, and how the muscle of his jaw flexed at his cheek.**

**Mark smiled, and opened his eyes, looking back at her before turning his head to look back at Max.**

**"So you're the unlucky fool who has ended up with her."**

**His lip curled, but Max's expression never changed, he just glanced from Mark to Connie.**

**"Let her go."**

**He repeated, his voice soft.**

**Mark drew in a sigh, his body still blocking Connie's. Her legs were beginning to hurt from where they were crushed between the bowl of the toilet and the wall and the muscles in her thighs trembled beneath the skin.**

**"Not this time."**

**He said quietly, slipping his hand into his pocket and withdrawing the cold metal blade of a knife, and with a violence that betrayed his coolness he snatched at the back of Connie's hair once again, balling it into a fist and hauling her out before him, bringing her to her knees before she could realise what was happening, the sting of the knife at her throat. **

**She cried out and reached her hands out to the floor to stop herself from falling but the grip on her hair tightened and pulled back so sharply that the breath was forced from her chest and she began to cry, her scalp was prickled with pain, there was a sharp ache at the back of her neck and her blood throbbed behind her eyes making her feel sick.**

**She was helpless. She realised in that moment she was useless, powerless to do anything to save herself. She struggled for a breath and tasted the salt of her own tears on her lips.**

**"Do you want to watch?"**

**He asked, pulling Connie to her feet again, forcing her skirt up with his hands so that it bunched about her her thighs. Max's mouth opened, and the look on his face was so awful that Connie squeezed her eyes shut tighter, and she caught her breath on a sob as she felt his hand push higher, smoothing his fingers across the scar on her leg, and looking at Max.**

**"She's mine."**

**He whispered, the words like a flame to dry grass, and with her eyes still closed, she felt the shock of Max's body against her own. She gritted her teeth as the knife nicked the skin of her throat, stinging like the sharp cut of a razor.**

**All she could hear was the beat of her pulse within her head and the grunted muffled words that Max exhaled, struggling against the other man, one hand pushing against his face, his fingers gouging into his eyes as he fought to free the blade from Marks hand.**

**And then she felt the sudden give of Mark's body, the slam of him against the wall, the sharp tug and tear of her hair against the knife and she was left to fall to the floor, her chest straining for breath, her hands covering her face.**

****-1-****

****And here's the next bit. Hope it's OK?! I'll update again very soon :) Please let me know what you think in the reviews...nicer stuff to come ;) xxx****


	58. Chapter 58

**She could hear the thump of her pulse within her ears and the sound of her own breath. Everything else was silent. **

**Still she had the heels of her hands pressed against her eyes so that all she could see were the blurred lights and colours behind her eyelids, her body hunched over on the floor, every inch of her trembling, her skin prickled with sweat.**

**"Connie..."**

**She heard the slip of Max's body and the squeak of his shoes as he eased himself down the side of the cubicle wall, coming to rest beside her.**

**He touched her arm, expecting her to flinch away from him, but she didn't move.**

**"Connie?"**

**He shook her gently, she could feel the tremble of his own fingers against her arm.**

**She was waiting for Mark to grab hold of her again, she was waiting to hear his voice at her ear and his hand about her neck.**

**"I've got to call the police."**

**The thin faraway sound in Max's voice made her look up. She raised her face from her hands and blinked against the light and blur of her eyes.**

**Swallowing she looked at him, out of the corner of her eye she could see Mark's limp body on the floor beside her, his head bend at an odd angle against the base of the toilet, a bloody mess above his right eye from where he had hit his head. Max had pushed him from Connie with such force that he had fallen and cracked his head on the bowl of the toilet, and now he lay, breathing ever so shallowly, unconscious on the floor beside them.**

**She cleared her throat and pursed her lips so that the very corners of her mouth turned down and she glanced to her hands, but her eyes focused on something else on the floor beyond her fingers - long dark curls sprawled across the tiles. It took her a moment to realise what they were, and she turned sharply to look at Mark, his hand, the knife still held within his fingers, the blade of it spiked with blood and curled and looped with thick dark hair...her hair...**

**She felt the panic begin to rise, and she bought one shaking hand to her head, smoothing her hand from her crown to where it began to thin at the nape of her neck, and to where she could now feel bare skin, only a few long strands running between her fingers.**

**"My hair..."**

**She whispered, turning again to face Max. **

**His cheeks were where white and his lips were parted and pale, his eyes rimmed with pink and he held his phone in his lap.**

**"My hair!"**

**She said again, suddenly unable to focus on anything but the hair that lay about her on the floor, and the skin of her neck that was now exposed to the cold air.**

**Max exhaled a shuddering breath, he seemed never to blink, and he shifted carefully so that he could crouch before her despite the light headed feeling he felt and the weakness in his legs as he knelt . He placed his hands on her shoulders, pressing hard, wanting her to focus on him, wanting to rescue her from the vague faraway milkiness within her eyes.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**He forced himself to ask, though he barely wanted to know the answer.**

**She glanced at him, wide eyed, as though she hadn't understood. **

**She could smell the bitter scent of bleach and overhead the strip lighting buzzed ever so faintly.**

**"I thought it was going to happen again."**

**She whispered, m****emories beginning to creep forward from hidden corners of her mind. Passing disappointments. Lost chances and lost causes. Heartbreaks and pain and desolate, horrible loneliness. Sorrows she thought long forgotten mingling with these fresh wounds.**

**"It nearly did."**

**Max said slowly, watching as she met his gaze, and there was the flicker of recognition within her eyes.**

**"But this time you saved me."**

**She whispered.**

**-1-**

**Hello everybody, just quick update to let you all know what happened and that Max and Connie are ok! **

**I will update again very soon.. thank you so much for the reviews! :) xxx**


	59. Chapter 59

**The doors to the entrance of the ED hissed as they open. The sound of rain water gushing in the overhead guttering sounded above them as they entered. **

**A hush descended upon reception. So many pairs of eyes swivelled in their direction, everybody seeming to pause in what they were doing. **

**Dixie had her arm about Connie as they moved, the Clinical lead was shivering, despite Max's coat that she over her shoulders, concealing her arms like a cape. Her hair was damp and clung limply to the pale skin of her forehead and her eyes held the distant gaze of somebody who was present in body, but in every other sense, was very far away.**

**It was Rita who broke the silence, who moved when everyone else remained frozen. She made her way across to them from the other side of the room, moving in a straight line through the chairs, a patients notes held against her chest, her dark eyes full of purpose, her forehead creased with a frown.**

**"Take her to the first side room, please Dix."**

**She spoke quietly, and without another word she ushered Connie and Dixie through into the corridor, catching hold of Max's arm as he followed.**

**"What happened?"**

**She asked as he slowed his pace and she stood close to him, close enough to see how his lips were shaking.**

**"He got her again."**

**He whispered, his voice breathy, as though he'd been crying.**

**Rita pursed her lips and gave a brief nod of her head. She squeezed his arm and let him go on his way as she glanced to the entrance – a gust of ice cold air blew in from outside and Iain wheeled a trolley through the doors, a trolley that was escorted by two police officers, and a patient who lay obscured, his arm handcuffed to the rail.**

**Once in the side room Dixie lowered her arm from about her and guided Connie to where she sat down on the edge of the bed. Max stood by the door, his hands in his pockets, his fingers turning a fifty pence piece over and over between his fingers.**

**"I'll go and get someone."**

**Dixie said softly, reaching out to touch Connie's shoulder, leaning against her, she smelled of wool and peppermint. **

**"Ok?"**

**She asked, but the other woman remained silent, staring at the lines between the tiles on the floor. It was winter, that quiet, grey time of the year when you feel like holding someone's hand, but Connie had her own hands clasped together, like a corpse.**

**Dixie cleared her throat and let her hand fall back to her side. She glanced to Max as she stepped away towards the door.**

**"You OK?"**

**She asked, her voice low. **

**He nodded, attempting the flicker of a smile but instead his forehead creased and he struggled against a sudden wave of panic, drawing in a breath quickly, regaining his composure almost too quickly before nodding again and looking to Connie.**

**Dixie closed the door behind her as she left and there was a moment in which neither of them spoke. Connie watched as the patterns of the tiles seemed to move the more she stared at them, twisting in and out...bending...**

**She cleared her throat.**

**"Why is this happening again?"**

**She whispered, blinking so that she regained focus. **How often since he had attacked her had she had wondered what might have happened if she'd never gone to America, if she'd never met him in the first place; if she'd never returned his kiss on the corner of 1st and 2nd Avenue, right outside Bloomingdales where the air smelled of perfume.

What if she had gone off somewhere else, what if she had never bought that packet of cigarettes for him on that first day when he had forgotten his wallet or allowed him to buy her the alpaca coat with rose-shaped buttons. Couldn't she had have changed it somehow? She frowned, It was impossible not to imagine that other future, that rejected future, as taking place in Italy or France, among big sunny rooms and gardens; as being full of romance and great happinesses...

She blinked again and looked across at Max. But if she had changed it all, if she'd never met Mark, if he'd never followed her here, if he'd never...raped her. She would never have had this vast and enduring romance laid over friendship, this love so searing and profound that it would surely accompany them to the grave and possibly even beyond. She could, she thought, have entered another world if only she had said no to Mark in the beginning. She could have avoided this life, a life as potent and dangerous as literature itself.

**She watched as Max crossed the room towards her, and somehow, it seemed to her that all of this was, not 'worth it'...but tolerable. Perhaps this was her lot, perhaps this was what was supposed to have happened, that she was one of those people to whom things got worse before they got better.**

**He took her hands and stood before her holding them, looking down on her, his lips parted, his eyes so clear and blue behind the glassy sparkle of un-shed tears.**

**"It's not."**

**He said simply.**

**"It's over. It's all...over."**

**-.-**

**More soon! Hope you all enjoy this chapter, I think the rain outside today helped with the writing of this chapter! xxx**


	60. Chapter 60

The room was quiet. Only the occasional rumble of a trolley on the other side of the ward, the murmur of a voice, or the squeak of rubber soled shoes broke the silence. Connie sat on the edge of the bed, her feet bare, not quite touching the floor.

She held her hands in her lap, her fingertips just touching together, her body perfectly still. Somehow, in the quiet warmth of the room she became muddled. Perhaps it was the shock, or perhaps it was because she was so very, very tired, and yet she could not sleep.

She raised her eyes to look across the room to where Max lay on the small sofa, facing away from her, his chest rising and falling with the slow rhythm of sleep.

_I'll burn myself._

The thought bloomed so quickly in her mind that for a moment she thought she must have been mistaken.

_I'll cut myself. _

She closed her eyes and drew in a long, steadying breath. She couldn't go back. It was over. Max had said so himself. So why now, sitting here in the safety of the hospital, knowing that the police were dealing with Mark, was she contemplating how a burn or a cut might be shown, might be nursed, might scar or heal – like a miserable kind of emblem that she could pick at. After all, wouldn't it be better to have it there, on the surface of her body, rather than corroding it from within?

She screwed her eyes shut tighter. She could almost feel her breath catch in her chest, the way it had when she had sliced through her own flesh with a blade so sharp that all it took was one swift movement, one flick of her wrist and there it was – her blood, red and dark. Her life force.

Now the thought came to her again, that she might scar herself in some way. It came, like the solution to a problem. She wouldn't be doing it like some hysterical girl, she thought. She wouldn't be hoping anyone would come and catch her at it. It wouldn't be like lying on the sitting-room floor. She would be doing it for herself, as a secret.

She felt the thrill of the idea begin to buzz and hum within her veins, as though her blood itself craved release. She shivered and opened her eyes. Somewhere inside her she knew that this was unreasonable – ridiculous even. But she couldn't quite shift the urge to do it. She bit her lip as she remembered how it felt – the burn, the sting of that first cut, how the adrenaline rose, and rose, until she felt giddy and light headed with relief.

She exhaled. The swing and click of the door roused her and she blinked, as though she were waking from a dream.

It was Rita. The nurse glanced to Max, and moved slowly, quietly across the room, stopping in front of Connie, her arms held limp beside her, her forehead creased with concern.

"How are you feeling?"

She asked quietly, her dark eyes searching Connie's face for some sort of hint as to what was going on inside her head. But Connie kept her face expressionless, only glancing briefly to the nurse to acknowledge her presence.

"The police will want to talk to you."

Rita's fingers fidgeted as she spoke.

Connie inhaled through her nose and pursed her lips.

"I said that you'd need some time..."

"I feel as though I'm going mad."

Connie whispered, surprising herself, cutting the nurse off, raising her eyes to meet hers, allowing Rita to see, for the first time, how exhausted she was. How she wished she could just go to sleep, and never wake up.

Rita opened her mouth to reply, but thought better of it, and instead she reached out for her, rethinking her words carefully and she sat down next to her on the bed as she placed a hand on Connie's shoulder.

"Some things are so awful that a bit of madness is the only sane response."

She said quietly.

A frown flickered between Connie's eyes and she touched her tongue to her lips to stop their wobble.

"At least Max was there. I take it you and he..."

"Mmm."

Connie murmured quickly, again cutting the nurse off before she could mention real life.

"Well that's good! That's a good thing! Something to focus on?"

Rita's fingers squeezed her shoulder and Connie smiled slightly.

"He saved you..."

The nurse added quietly.

"My father used to say that most women are perfectly capable of rescuing themselves - at least the ones worth something, in any case."

As Connie spoke she looked down to her hands. How pale and dry the skin was, even her hands were tired.

"Oh I don't know."

Rita let her hand slip from Connie's shoulder to her forearm.

"I think everyone needs rescuing at some point. You're the strongest woman I know...the strongest _person_ I know..."

Connie looked at her. There was a flicker of recognition between them. Both women knew what the other had been through, but more importantly, in that moment of silence, both knew what the other felt inside, what frightened them the most...what they could barely endure. In that moment they just looked at each other and recognised that there was pain in this world, even on beautiful nights, like this when the moon was clear and silver in the sky, and the stars hung sparkling about it. Even now, there was pain, and there was nothing but time that could ease it.

Without thinking Rita reached out to touch the severed blunt ends of the other woman's hair. Connie flinched only slightly at the unexpected touch.

"You know, I could..."

Rita paused, letting her hand fall back into her lap.

"I'm always cutting my own hair...the hairdresser is so expensive..."

Connie glanced at her, her lips pale and tight, and, with a brief nod of her head she cast her eyes down towards her hands again, catching the movement of the nurse as she took the scissors from her breast pocket, and as she scissored the curls away, Connie thought how women were so easily sentimental over their haircuts, but this was a sensation she hadn't expected - it was not like Rita was cutting hair, it was as if she had a pair of wings beneath her shoulder-blades, that the flesh had all grown over, and she was slicing free..."

-.-

****Apologies for the delay. I've had such a busy time of it lately, with my daughter starting school and my son's third birthday – I'm exhausted! I will get back into the swing of things now though :) Hope the update is ok, let me know what you think, as always :) xxx****


	61. Chapter 61

Max awoke in the night to the sound of Connie's breath catching in her chest. He rubbed a hand across his face, he hadn't meant to fall asleep, he'd only meant to sit for a moment, to catch his thoughts.

He rolled himself over, his body was stiff and his head ached. He blinked against the dim light and looked across the room to the hospital bed.

"Connie?"

He cleared his throat. In the thin grey light he could see her outline. She was sitting up in bed, her face lowered, and she held something within her lap that caught the light from the ward beyond. She drew in a breath and sniffed, and he realised all of a sudden that she was trying not to cry.

"Hey...hey."

He uncurled his legs and stood up, wincing against the tingling sensation that ran down the outside of his left leg, and he limped slightly as he made his way over to her.

He stopped by her side and reached out to her, hesitating, his fingers pale in the dark, paused above her shoulder for just a moment.

"Connie?"

She didn't move or say a word. She let the tears fall from her eyes as she blinked, dampening the hair that clung to her cheeks. She bit her lip to stop it from trembling and took in a heavy, shaking breath.

"I'm just being silly."

She whispered, and she gave a brief twitch of her hand. Max glanced down to the mirror that she held. A small compact that he recognised as the one she usually carried with her in her handbag.

"You still look beautiful."

He paused again and raised his hand to touch the dark hair that curled about her jaw.

"Have you..."

"Rita...she cut it."

She felt his fingers twist themselves through a curl before letting it go so that it bounced back against her cheek.

From the first moment he'd first seen her, he had recognised such a beauty and fire inside her. Most people who had been through what she'd been through would have crumpled, would have given up...but not Connie Beauchamp. She was fighting it. She was strong. It seemed odd that it would be in this moment that he would realise she was most vulnerable, sitting here, crying over her hair, and it made a lump form in his throat.

She blinked for a moment before closing her eyes tightly, trying to hold off the cry that was rising in the back of her throat. She had hoped he would have stayed asleep whilst she'd cried, she had tried to be so quiet. She wanted to speak to him, but she he didn't know how. Could he actually understand how she felt so relieved and so lost all at once? And now her hair...

"Just try to get some sleep."

He said quietly after a few minutes. She let a tear slip loose. She heard him lay down next to her, she felt the bed tilt and heard the metal of it creak, and she closed her eyes, feeling her tears burning the insides of her eyelids. She blinked a few times, letting them escape, and she took in another breath, trying to calm herself.

Max closed his eyes and wrapped his arms about her, drawing her close, he could hear her suppressing her sobs, he could hear her gasping for breath once in a while.

After a while she sighed softly, running her hands over her face, brushing away the hair and tears. He could feel her fidgeting under the blanket, trying to find a comfortable position against him. He felt his heart beat a little differently than normal. He wanted to help, he wanted to make it all better, to take it all away... He placed his hand over his chest, feeling the ache that had been there for so long.

He swallowed hard, hoping she wouldn't open her eyes and look at him, he didn't want her to see him cry. His breath caught in his throat, and he couldn't move.

She sighed again, she could feel his eyes on her. She tilted her head, she could see him just barely through the tiny slits of her eyelashes. Nobody ever looked at her the way he did.

He could hear her breathing. She hadn't gone off to sleep yet. She would only sigh now and then with frustration. She wanted to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, she remembered how she had thought that it was going to happen all over again, that Mark would take her again, that-

The fit of worries that invaded her body seemed to lull her into a half sleep, and Max could hear her breathing quickening. He wanted to kiss her, to wake her, but when he thought of kissing her he thought of Mark, and he felt as if the evenings events were choking him.

"Mark!"

He jumped as she cried out, sitting up again before she had woken. She pushed her hands against him, unsure suddenly whether or not she was pushing him away or pulling him closer.

He remained still. Her eyes widened as she looked at him and ever so slowly he reached out to her, touching her cheek, brushing a stray tear away from her pale skin. She smiled ever so slightly, leaning into his touch, embracing the feeling of his hand against her cold cheek. She reached out to him, not sure where to touch him, but knowing that he needed her to touch him, to let him know that she would be OK.

She shivered as she felt him, running her fingertips across his shoulders, about his neck, pulling him closer. His arms held her, wrapping her tightly in his embrace, feeling her warmth against his own. She sucked in a sharp breath, closing her eyes as their bodies met and he kissed her, gently, softly, slow kisses against her lips that made her chest ache.

She gasped, as he tugged her closer. She slipped a hand beneath the hem of his jumper, pushing up beneath the fabric to press her palm against his skin, feeling his heart beat against her palm as she parted her lips and touched her tongue to his, kissing him, his thumbs rubbing away the tear stains at her cheeks.

She knew what they were doing, she knew what was going to happen, and she knew that it was risky, the door was unlocked and their was the sound of footsteps up and down the corridor beyond. But right now she didn't care. She wanted to feel like she could break in his arms and still be put back together again. She wanted to fall apart and know that it would be better in the end.

She allowed him to shift, lowering her back down against the bed, and she tilted her head back as his mouth found her neck, and his fingers unfastened the tie of her hospital gown.

Carefully, so as not to nudge him off the narrow bed, she wrapped her legs about him, and she felt as if a part of her had gone numb, only to let the rest of her feel what she needed to feel.

She hooked her arms around his neck, letting his mouth explore the nape of her neck and the skin of her chest that he exposed as he tugged at the gown.

She bit her lip. Something was turning inside of her, flooding her faster than a spark could ignite a fire. He was between her legs, he was on top of her, and he ran his hands along her sides, touching each part of her, kissing her. She smiled when his stubble tickled her nose, when he kissed her forehead, and she placed a kiss to his neck as he swallowed.

When she felt his hand slow, and begin to move upwards, slipping beneath the fabric of the hospital gown to the bare skin of her breast, she realised that she didn't feel afraid any more.

"You ok?"

He murmured, feeling her breath catch.

She only nodded and answered him with a kiss, pulling him down onto her.

They seemed to breathe new life into one another, and her hands fumbled with the fastening of his jeans, releasing them and pushing them down so that he could kick them free, the bed creaking alarmingly as he moved, and for a moment she smiled, knowing how this would look should somebody walk in.

She raised herself to press against his chest as he slipped a hand between them to touch her. Nobody had ever touched her how he touched her and it felt better than she remembered. No words needed to be said, no kisses needed to be given. There was just an overwhelming sense of knowing that whatever happened, they would be OK.

He ran his fingers between her legs, feeling how wet she was, and her thighs trembled against him as he pushed a single finger inside her.

She gasped and curled the fingers of one hand into the wool of his jumper.

"Max..."

She whispered, a frown creasing her forehead.

"We can stop..."

He paused in his movements, so afraid that he would hurt her, so worried she would change her mind.

She shook her head slowly.

"No we can't,"

She whispered.

"Not now."

Not even an hour ago had he thought that this would happen. Now he was staring down at her, watching her reach out to him and silently asking him to hold her; to touch her. She needed him, she needed him to love her despite everything.

She shuddered against him, straining to kiss him, and she muffled her moans against his lips, urging him to continue. He was afraid of hurting her, of scaring her, but the way she moved against him let him know that she needed him.

He glanced down at her body, to where his wrist flexed between her legs, admiring the way she looked as she writhed beneath him. Her entire body was flushed, and every part of her tingled with an ever growing ache. He pulled her up into his arms, holding her, as he wrapped the covers around them and lowered himself against her, removing his hand slowly, waiting, giving her a chance to pull away, before pushing himself inside her.

She balled her hands into fists at his back and drew her legs up higher, giving herself to him, rolling her hips to meet his and taking every inch of him inside her, making her light headed.

She gasped and fought for breath as her body begged for release. He closed his eyes. He was taken aback, as he always was, by the way her body fit so tightly around him.

"Oh God…"

She whispered, her lips meeting his, and he smiled against her.

"Max will do."

He murmured, running his hands to take hold of her hips, pressing her against the bed as he quickened his pace.

She reached out for him, her fingers in his hair, her eyes wide. She didn't want this to end. She needed to feel.

"Don't leave. Don't-"

He placed a gentle kiss against her words. He could feel her heart against his.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He whispered, gathering her into his arms and pulling her closer. She cried out, as he began to move inside of her again, feeling every flex and curve of her body, feeling his own body writhing against hers. She held onto him, not letting go for anything, feeling the pleasure start to build and he cradled her in his arms as he brought her with him; helped her meet his thrusts and rocked their bodies in one fluid motion.

He couldn't control himself any longer, he slipped a hand between them again to touch her where he had moments before. He felt her body tense, her knees edged even higher, her body urging him in so deep that with barely more than one thrust she shuddered and closed her eyes, gasping as her head rolled back against the pillow and Max buried his face against her neck, kissing her throat as she writhed against him, gripping hold of him so tightly that they came together, bodies hot and jolting, curled together so completely they could barely catch their breath as their movements slowed.

She shuddered as she relaxed, and he didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. He cradled her there, rocking her slowly, and she placed a gentle kiss to his chest. She could hear him; hear his heart.

"I love you."

She murmured, breathless, closing her eyes.

"I love you so much."

He smiled as she spoke, and he looked down at her, laying there, so beautiful, so pale in the half-light.

"Then marry me."

He whispered.

-.-

****I hadn't planned this smut in this chapter, but so many of you asked for it so I thought I'd better had ;)****

****Let me know what you think, as always. xxx****


	62. Chapter 62

**_For Friends4lyf_**

-.-

"Pardon?"

Connie leant back so that she could see Max's face better in the half-light. His mouth twitched and she caught the flicker of something unrecognisable behind his eyes.

Her touched his tongue to his lips and smiled nervously.

"Sorry, that was wildly inappropriate, I shouldn't have-"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry?"

Connie swallowed, her throat was dry, and her eyes stung, though she couldn't bring herself to break his gaze.

"I said, yes."

She repeated, her voice stronger this time, more sure.

"Yes?!"

He couldn't help but repeat her and he leant back even further, looking down at her with such a look of surprise that she found she was second guessing herself.

"If you really meant to ask..."

She whispered, breaking her gaze and glancing down to where their hands intertwined between them. She was suddenly worried that he hadn't meant to say it at all, and that his sudden back tracking had been an attempt at escape...

She felt him take a deep breath in, and then his body relaxed as he exhaled.

"I hadn't planned to ask..."

He said honestly, and he paused as she stiffened, her cheeks beginning to burn with embarrassment.

"But I mean it...I do mean it..."

He squeezed her fingers with his own so that she glanced up to him again. His eyes glittered blue-grey, and she could see the tension at the corners of his mouth.

"Are you sure?"

He asked after a pause. He still couldn't quite believe that she had said yes...that _Connie Beauchamp _had said 'yes' to marrying him...a porter...

She smiled slightly, and once again they moved closer, finally cuddling back into one another.

"I'm sure."

She murmured, wondering at this surprising calm that had over taken her. She no longer felt the flutter of panic that seemed to always be there, at the back of her mind, and deep inside her chest, like a caged bird. Now she felt the proverbial weight had been lifted...she was free, she had forgotten what it was like to not feel scared...

"You know the first time I realised that I loved you?"

He asked into the silence, breaking her train of thought.

"Hmm?"

She murmured, closing her eyes, breathing in the smell of him, how warm he was, how comforting...

"When I stood by your bedside for those six days that you were unconscious...at the very beginning...when all of this...happened. When I stood there, I couldn't even bring myself to hold your hand."

He squeezed her fingers again.

"And I prayed. I'm not religious, but I prayed. I didn't know what else to do. And I told him, God, or whoever it is that I thought was up their listening to me, I told him that if he let you live, I would do everything I could to make sure that you were ok- I would make sure you had a place where you felt safe enough to cry...I would look after you...because I loved you...that was the only thing I was sure of."

He paused again, she didn't know what to say, she had no idea...and when she remained silent he dipped his head to kiss her hair.

"Is that mad, that I've loved you for so long? That I was willing to wait for something that I thought would only ever be a possibility...a fantasy..."

Connie swallowed. She knew she had to say something, but what, she had no idea. She smiled slightly, and tilted her head to brush her lips across his hand that rested about her shoulder. She was stunned by his frankness, by his honesty, and kindness and his capacity for devotion. She was tired of everyone else...of wit and intellect; everybody's little display of genius.

She knew that men told you the truth for one of two reasons: when they wished to be free of what they couldn't bear to carry alone, or when they wished to include you in what they knew so their stories wouldn't be lost, and in Max's case, she realised both were true. He needed to tell her this, he wanted her to know that he would always love her, because he always had...

She drew in a breath through her nose and sighed.

"You are the one who taught me that love would never be what I expected it to be..."

She whispered as she drew lazy circles in the palm of his hand though her fingers trembled ever so slightly.

"...and that it was all that I needed. For that, and for a thousand other things..."

She glanced up at him, biting against her lip.

"...thank you."

She whispered, and he smiled and touched the tip of his nose to hers, gently rubbing it back and forth before kissing her – a gentle unhurried kiss that made her heart swell within her chest.

"Well!"

He said as he broke the kiss and tugged her closer to him.

"I suppose we really will have to tell everybody now."

He said quietly, resting his cheek against the top of her head, and she smiled as she realised that what he had said, though it made her feel nervous, it didn't worry her in the way it had done before.

They sat together like that, just thinking...contemplating their future, her body curled into his, his arms about her, holding her. No more words words were spoken, just the gentle slowing of breath between them, and slowly, slowly they fell asleep.

**-.-**

**Apologies for the delay, and thank you for the lovely, lovely messages. More soon xxx**


	63. Chapter 63

The phone was ringing when they returned to Connie's house. They let the door swing open on it's hinges, and though the incessant ringing echoed within the house, Connie paused, she didn't really want to enter...something about the black cold house made her want to turn and run...

Max placed a hand on her lower back and she glanced back at him. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew what she was thinking, he knew that she was scared of the dark, scared of every unexplained noise, scared that something would make her jump.

They entered together, and Max flicked on the hallway light whilst Connie pushed the door closed behind them, it shut with a definitely click just as the phone stopped ringing.

"Shall I make us a drink? I think we could both use one..."

He murmured, keeping her close. She didn't respond, she merely gripped hold of his sleeve and followed him as they entered the kitchen, just off the hallway.

They stopped for a moment whilst Max felt the wall for the light switch. At first the darkness of the room deceived him, and he fumbled, his eyes were confused and dazzled by the recent glare of the hall light. For a minute or two he could make out nothing at all but dark lumps of furniture, the mass of the fridge, and the kitchen counter by the wall.

Finally he found it, and the room was illuminated. He felt Connie exhale by his side and her grip on his upper arm lessened somewhat.

"Tea, coffee...something stro-"

"Coffee..."

She cut him off and glanced up at him, she looked smaller suddenly, more vulnerable.

"Please. Sorry..."

She attempted a smile, her lips taught and pale and the skin at the corners of her eyes tightened.

He gave a brief nod, dropped his fingers to her grasp her hand and squeezed them gently before letting go.

"You sit down."

He said, gesturing to the kitchen table, knowing she wouldn't want to leave the room to venture into the sitting room without him.

She glanced to the table, hesitating only for a moment before making her way over to it. She pulled out a chair, and sat down, placing her hands palm down on the table top, as if needing to feel it's reality.

She watched him as he moved. She kept her eyes trained on him, forcing her thoughts to focus on him and him alone. She recalled what Robyn had once said of her brother, something which Connie had overheard by chance – that he was a "diamond in the rough," and Connie knew what she had meant. But to her, now, Max was simply a diamond. The rest of the world could be as rough as it desired but it never effected him, he shone with an inner beauty no matter what, even when making a simple cup of coffee... She drew in a breath and exhaled through a sigh. She supposed that why she had fallen in love with him - that sparkle that nothing and nobody could ever take away.

She drew her hands back from the table as Max poured boiling water into two mugs.

Her eyes wandered to his reflection in the window before him. He was leant over, the steam rising into his face, obscuring the faint frown across his forehead, and beyond him, beyond the glass, the lingering light of the room was obliterated by the night. The once salmon and purple sky transformed into a vast expanse of jet-black that engulfed the house. A canopy of luminous stars materialized amongst the blackness. Some were dull, merely flickering into existence every now and then, but there was an adequate amount of shimmering stars to illuminate the dark, moonless night.

As a child she used to wake in the night and wish for the sun. The darkness worried her, her imagination had supplied many beasts with fantastical jaws to lurk just beyond her line of sight, and that's how she felt now, she realised, scared of what she couldn't see, terrified of what wasn't really there...

"Coffee."

Max placed a mug down in front of her. She blinked, suddenly aware that she had been staring, and she looked up at him.

"Thank you."

She sighed, exhaling a breath she hadn't known she had been holding, and he touched the back of his hand to her cheek.

"I'll keep you safe."

He whispered.

-.-

More soon! Grace will be introduced soon, so you can all see how she gets on with Max, and the news that she's going to have a step father. Any guesses? Any requests? :) Reviews welcomed and HUGELY appreciated as usual xxx


	64. Chapter 64

"What do you think she will say...?"

They had been sitting in silence for so long that Max's voice barely registered when he spoke.

"Grace I mean."

He added, aware that he had been voicing his thoughts out loud without really meaning to.

She sighed and pulled the blankets about her more snugly. The fire was lit and the flames danced before her eyes, the warmth of the room soothed her numb cheeks, ears, and nose. It was quiet, with nothing but the crackle of the fire to break the almost silence, the flames illuminating them briefly in flickering fits, dashing shadows across their faces and light gold within their eyes. And though the air wasn't smoky they could smell the pine as it burned, just a faint smell...a comforting smell...

"Oh..."

She drew up her shoulders and huddled back closer against him, casting an eye up above the fire to the mantle piece...to the photo of herself and Grace. It was barely visible in the half light, and the firelight cast odd flecks of light about the frame, reflecting on the glass and making it gleam red.

"Your guess is as good as mine."

She said eventually, and she raised her head that rested against his shoulder ever so slightly so that she could look up at him.

"Does that make you nervous?"

She asked, feeling a chill at the back of her neck as she moved, she still hadn't got used to the shortness of her hair...

He puffed out his cheeks and exhaled.

"Of course I'm nervous...and from what I've heard about your daughter I've got every reason to be!"

He watched as her expression morphed from one of instinctual indignation, to that of mild agreement and she rested her head back against him once more.

She blinked slowly, staring back into the fire. The new-born flames licked the newspaper in the grate. They flickered and lapped at the fire-lighters and kindling wood. They danced orange and yellow with their smoke that twisted in the draft toward the chimney. In minutes they grew ravenous, hungrily devouring everything in the grate, sucking her into it's seductive clutch, and she watched, hypnotized by their dance; a fiery, frenzied consumption that sent up sparks and ash, until the dying flames became glowing embers and then all that was left were the cold grey cinders and charcoaled remnants of wood before new flames were born from the wood beneath.

She thought of Grace, so far away...she had missed so much...she was unaware of so much...She felt her eyes close and her head jolt, and all of a sudden Max was kissing the side of her head so softly that she barely realised what it was.

"Sleep...you need to rest."

His words were murmured, like an echo coming from somewhere far away, and from the back of her mind she heard his words again and again. She sighed. Grace...her thoughts filled with unanswerable questions. Would she like Max? Would she balk at the idea of a 'step father', another person in their life to take away her attention...

"She'll love you."

She whispered, struggling against a yawn.

"Just like I do..."

She felt her eyelids grow heavy again, and a fog began to descend, she could feel it, building up behind her eyes...she seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness. Over and over. The world was a blur, and random images seemed to float aimlessly around in a pool of thoughts, as though they were being blown about viciously by a hurricane.

A tap that she thought she felt on her shoulder momentarily brought her back to the outside world, but after a second she was once again lost with only the echoes of 'I love you's' sounding in the distance. She could feel somebody trying to look at her, staring dead in the eye, but she couldn't keep focus. The whole world simply felt low resolution, a bad quality movie... Confusion blossomed in her heart and she knew that sooner or later she would need to wake up. To stare reality in the face. But for now she lay down her head without a thought, and retreated into the wonderful wallowing blackness of sleep.

-.-

Just a 'getting there' chapter. So, smut has been requested (again!) I can do that...xxx

Grace will appear soon, too! :)


	65. Chapter 65

Connie awoke sometime later – whether it was later that night or early the next morning she had no idea, she was overcome with the odd feeling of falling completely out of time.

She rolled onto her back and stretched out fully, curling her toes and straightening her legs, flexing and straining every muscle in her body before huffing out a breath and allowing herself to grow slack and open her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling and frowned. She glanced down at herself, she couldn't remember coming up to bed, the last she remembered was the firelight, the vague smell of burning pine and Max's shoulder so sure and solid against her cheek.

She let her head fall to one side, next to her the bed was empty. She reached out for the clock on the bedside table and twisted it round to face her.

"6:17"

She squinted at the curtains, but no light could be seen.

From downstairs she heard the sudden rumble and chug of the washing machine, and then the ever so faint sound of Max clearing his throat.

She stretched again and kicked off the covers, her body felt stiff as though she had remained in the same position for far too long, and as she placed her feet on the floor and stood up, a light headedness swarmed her and she had to close her eyes momentarily to regain her balance.

She paused, listening again to the sounds of Max moving about downstairs – the whistled chorus of a song she didn't recognise, the slide of a drawer being opened and the washing machine door being closed.

She made her way from the room, padding her way to the bathroom. She used the toilet and then stood, facing the mirror for the first time in what seemed like so long.

Her hair...she had thought it would shock her, but instead she felt only a vague sense of liberation. It was thick and full and glossy, and even in its sleep mussed state it curled about her jaw in a rather endearing manner.

She drew in a breath and released it all at once.

"You're OK."

She murmured the words to herself, and for once, she believed them.

She rotated her shoulders and stepped back, pulling her dressing gown tighter about her waist before leaving the room. She paused at the top of the stairs, she could hear the faint murmur of the radio, and every so often Max would hum along.

The sounds grew louder as she descended, and she smiled as she reached the kitchen door, Max was bent over, checking something in the oven, a tea towel in one hand and a frown creasing his forehead. He glanced up through the hot air that rose from the oven and made him blink.

"Hello!"

He let the door slam closed and tossed the tea towel onto the table, before reaching out to her, taking her hands in his, drawing her closer...

"Sleeping beauty..."

He added, smiling, and he reached up to touch her hair, smoothing it with one hand, tracing the line of it to her jaw where he let his fingers linger. He drew in a breath, just looking at her for a moment – the faint lines of her face and the scattering of freckles, both usually hidden with make up.

"Are you hungry?"

He asked after a moments pause, leaning so that he could reach for a bowl he had on the side, she glanced at it – only a few chocolate peanuts or raisins – she couldn't tell which.

"No, I'm...well, not for those..."

She bit her lip as he grinned.

"Come and sit down, dinner wont be long."

"Dinner!?"

She exclaimed, stopping abruptly as he began to guide her to the table.

"What time is it?"

She asked quietly. He glanced at the clock on the wall.

"Nearly seven. I was going to wake you for something to eat. You slept all night and all day, I kept having to go and check to see if you were still alive..."

She nodded vaguely.

"Max..."

She caught his arm as he made to reach out for the bowl on the side.

"Mmm?"

She drew up her shoulders, she could feel her ears were cold against the softness of her dressing gown.

"You've done so much for me..."

She twisted her hands together as she spoke.

"There have been so many moments when I half expected you to turn and run..."

She smiled slightly, she could see the faint look of confusion behind the blue of his eyes.

"I suppose I'm just trying to say thank you...for looking after me...for staying...for loving me."

She dipped her head to where she held her hands before her – the whites of her knuckles showed beneath pale skin.

He cleared his throat as he reached out for her again, and she closed the gap between them, allowing herself to be pulled into his embrace. He slipped his arms about her waist, interlinking his fingers against her spine and regarding her with slightly narrowed eyes, a smile playing about his mouth. He kissed her gently, a kiss to the tip of her nose, and then to her lips...

"I keep falling in love with you...and each time is harder than the last. Every time the feeling gets deeper, more complete, more bewitching. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do to keep you safe."

He rubbed his thumbs against the soft fabric of her dressing gown.

"Don't ever think you have to ask for my affection because you don't, and you never did. The more love I give you the more I have bursting inside of me... crazy, huh? The more love we share the more it multiplies."

He paused to clear his throat again and glanced down at the dwindling chocolates in the bowl by his elbow.

"I wish I could say the same of these chocolate peanuts..."

He added.

-.-

More soon, possibly today, I shall see how I do!

Lollyblanc – thank you for the sweet review! Glad you liked it...hope you liked this one, too :) xxx


	66. Chapter 66

Connie rubbed at the side of her head with her fingers. She was full up with good food, and now she stood by the bedroom door, wondering how she was going to manage to sleep through the night after having slept for so long the last couple of days.

"What are you going?"

She tightened the cord of her dressing gown about her waist. She was watching Max as he leant behind the television fiddling with the wires.

"I thought we could watch a film."

He said, his voice strained due to the angle of his body.

She raised an eyebrow as he pushed the end of the wire into a socket in the back of the television and carefully extracted himself from it, standing back up again and smoothing down the hem of his jumper that had ridden up.

"What're we going to watch?"

She asked. She couldn't remember the last time that she had watched an entire film...she wasn't sure if she even had a favourite.

"No idea. Something happy though."

He scratched the top of his head.

"Where did I put the remote?"

He scanned the room, spotting the lost remote on the window sill.

"Now."

He picked it up and clicked the television on before holding out a hand to her, beckoning her with his fingers.

"Hop into bed with me and we'll choose something."

He smiled as she accepted his hand and he squeezed her fingers. He seemed to know without her uttering a word that she needed him – she needed him to tell her what to do next, in every sense of the word – and she needed him to help get her there.

The mattress was cold, and they tensed as they slipped beneath the covers, tugging the duvet up about themselves.

Max shifted against the headboard, bulking the pillows up behind himself before gesturing to the space between his legs.

"C'mere, I'll keep you warm."

He spoke so softly, and his movements were so gentle, so caring as he helped her to get comfortable. She shifted slowly, carefully, edging between his legs until she could lay back against him. She exhaled. She could feel the gradual rise and fall of his chest at her back, and the vibration as he cleared his throat.

He kissed the side of her head and with one arm wrapped gently about her, he used the other to point the remote lazily at the television, pausing every so often so that she could scan the list of films.

She was only half concentrating, watching the blue screen with a sigh. She felt so safe, lying here surrounded by him. In his embrace the world seemed to stop still on its axis. There was no time, no wind, no rain beyond the window. Her mind was at peace. How could it be that she hadn't seen love for what it was before? Pure. Unselfish. Undemanding. Free. She felt her body press into him, soft and warm. This was the love she'd waited for, prayed for...

"What're you thinking?"

He murmured against the side of her head, kissing her again, letting his lips brush against her hair. She smelled so sweet and clean, like roses and jasmine, and the warm smell of her skin that made him dizzy.

She drew in a long breath and tilted her head back against his shoulder meeting his lips for a fleeting kiss that made him smile. She closed her eyes for the briefest moment, savouring the touch of his lips. She found herself remembering the first time...that first hesitant kiss, and she thought of how he had made himself indispensable, that when she had met him she had lost her entire world... She smiled at the memory, at the feel of his arms tightening around her. She had no idea how he had managed to hang on to something so incomprehensible. How he had keep pouring love into the abyss that she had been so lost in...But then there he was...always there.

She opened her eyes. There was something in those blue eyes that was so beautiful, so safe and warm. In just one look she was "home." She reached up with one hand to touch the side of his face and he hummed a sigh of satisfaction.

"I'm thinking that we should tell Grace as soon as possible,"

She pulled back slightly and he looked down at her as her fingers played with the traces of stubble at his jaw.

"Get it over with..."

She added, quieter this time.

He gave an ever so slight nod of his head.

"...if we arrange time off we could drive down at the weekend, take her out for the day?"

She hesitated, she knew this was not something that he was looking forward to. He pursed his lips with the ghost of a smile. He looked tired, and she realised all of a sudden how very tired he must be after everything he had done for her.

"Or...we don't have to do it so soon..."

"No, this weekend, that's fine."

He smiled properly now and tugged her closer, letting the remote fall against the duvet.

"I want to."

He added.

"I want to..."

-.-

**The next few updates will be the 'Max meets Grace' chapters...and then, I think, this story might come to it's natural end...xxx**


	67. Chapter 67

The weekend dawned a cloudy grey. It was almost 9AM but the room had a dimness to it that made it feel much much earlier. Outside the rain could be heard, the gentle thrum and rhythm-less beat of it against the eaves of the house, and against the windows where the drops slithered silently – silver against the shadowy grey of the world beyond.

Max was sat on the sofa in the living room, just the light from the lamp next to him illuminating the room in such a soft glow that he found if he stared for too long, black smudges began to form before his eyes, blotting out the room around him.

He blinked.

He could hear Connie in the kitchen, opening the fridge, closing it, and the sound of her heels on the tile flooring. She was moving quickly, he smiled against the hand that he had curled against his lips, his chin resting in his palm.

He could almost see her, in his minds eye, the way she moved about the kitchen, gathering things for their trip – food that she would be too nervous to eat, bottles of water that would remain unopened and roll about in the back seat of the car, her car keys – he heard the jangle and scrape of them now as she picked them up from the kitchen counter and dropped them into her coat pocket.

Her heels sounded in the hall, then paused. He smiled again, he knew that she was standing by the door, looking out at the rain and wondering whether or not she had forgotten anything.

"Max?"

She called his name, and there was the gentle scrape of her heel against the floor as she moved again, stopping in the door frame, one hand against the wood grain. He looked up, raising his head from his hand and pushing down on his knees as he stood.

"Ready?"

She asked. He could see the tension about her eyes, and she wrung her hands before her, twisting her fingers until he knuckles showed white beneath the pale skin.

He cleared his throat and smoothed his jacket down across his chest.

"I've been ready for quite. Some. Time."

He grinned.

"Sorry, sorry...I just."

She raised a hand and pressed the cold tips of her fingers into the space between her eyes.

"I know."

He said simply.

"Come on."

He held out a hand to her, and with an exhale she took it, stiffening as he drew her in for a hug that she hadn't been expecting.

He held her until she relaxed. The feel of his body so close to hers soothed her more than she had expected. His body was so familiar - the way he held her, wrapped his arms about her, the smell of his skin, his clothes, even the sound of his heart beating. But within seconds she pulled away, dipping her head to look down between them. He ran his hands up and down the length of her arms.

"Relax."

He whispered.

A nerve ticked at the corner of her eye and she raised a hand to rub it.

"I'm just, I'm just worried about how she will react. About what she'll think..."

She admitted, letting her hand fall again, finding his fingers with her own, interlinking them, holding them tight.

"Whatever she says, we'll deal with it. OK? And who knows, she might be fine! She might actually be _happy_ for you."

Connie raised an eyebrow, the only response she gave to his words. Instead she turned and moved away from him, tugging him gently by the hand.

"I don't want to be late."

She sighed, her words hanging in the air as she exhaled.

"At this rate we're going to be an hour and a half early!"

He laughed as he spoke but behind her hesitant smile he could see how nervous she really was...

"I just don't want to be late."

She said again, more quietly this time, and he noticed the quick flicker of her eyes towards the clock on the mantle piece.

He smiled slightly and squeezed her fingers gently.

"Come on then."

He said softly, silently acknowledging her need to get going, her need to begin the day so that it would be happening, it would be 'now', rather than something to come, and they would be one step closer to becoming a family.

-.-

**Hello everyone, well! I wasn't quite expecting the response I got from saying that I was thinking about bringing this story to an end.**

**I'm not really sure what to do now. I CAN carry it on if that's what the majority of you would like. I'm writing it for you, after all :) I just might have to wrack my brains for plot lines...**

**Or I can write something brand new? (I'd gladly accept suggestions or requests.) **

**Anyway, let me know. As always I will do what the majority ask for. **

**xxx**


	68. Chapter 68

I haven't forgotten about you (the readers of this story)! What with Christmas, and the fact that I was without a laptop for a while I haven't been able to update. I will make it my New Years resolution to be better at that...

Anyway, on with the update.

-.-

The rain was still falling as thought it meant to wash them away, like it meant to keep hammering until they smudged like a Monet masterpiece. There was the steady hiss and drum of water on the car, it's roof and window panes. Today was a day of inescapable wetness, even as they drove, splinters of wet seemed to spatter them despite the closed windows.

Together they sat knee deep in silence whilst Max squinted to look for the nearest parking space. Connie sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly. A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of her right eye, her mouth formed a rigid grimace.

"Just here, it's just here."

She leant forwards in the passenger seat of her car, her eyes firmly focused on the view beyond the windscreen. Rain beaded the broken paintwork of other cars and bounced from every hard surface. The sound came from every direction except down and the storm drains bubbled with grey-brown run-off. She frowned, she couldn't remember how many millimetres the weatherman had said that they were expecting before noon. How many was it...she raised a hand to pinch at the bridge of her nose, glancing up just in time to see that Max had by passed the parking space that she had pointed out just moments before.

"Just there...!"

She said again, and Max tossed her a sidewards glance, one eyebrow raised.

He could feel how tense she was – could practically feel the bristle of her skin, and the tension that ran though her veins seemed to pump into the air between them, hanging there, stiff and stagnant and making them both far more anxious than was really neccesary.

"If you just-"

"Connie!"

He stopped the car so abruptly that she had to reach out suddenly to stop herself from bumping against the dash board.

She looked across at him sharply. They were just in front of the parking space within which he was going to park, instead he now sat, hands firmly on the wheel, looking at her. His jaw was set and his face looked paler now than she remembered it – perhaps it was the condensation on the window, or the dull grey of the rain reflected through the glass...

She wanted to ask what he thought he was doing, but instead she withdrew her hands from the dash board and folded her arms tightly across her chest, immediately wishing she hadn't done so, the position feeling odd and unnatural whilst sitting in the passanger seat of a car.

He started the car again, the engine purred beneath them and the body of the car slipped seamlessly into the parking space. He cut the engine once more and, with his hands resting on the steering wheel, he looked out through the windscreen. The glass was smudged and white, and the rain lashed against the glass and ran in rivulets to where it hissed against the wheels.

"What's the matter?"

He spoke the words all in an exhale, a rush of words that he didn't entirely have the energy for – let alone the energy for the answer.

She glanced out of the side window next to her, but all she could see was his reflection as he turned his head to face her. He looked at her though the running water, the grey blur of the trees in the distance and the flecks of colour – of other cars parked in the school car park.

There was an intense anxiety to the rain, as if between the tumbling cloud and the earth it was fearful of never reaching its destination. The sound alone was enough to make her fretful. The sound of this rain, so soothing to some, was enough to drown out every other noise but incessant running of her own mind.

"Nothing's the matter."

She said shortly. She unfolded her arms as she spoke and reached to release the seat belt. It pulled loose against her once she had pressed the button and she leant forwards in her seat, pulling the belt away from her whilst she reached into the footwell for her handbag.

"Well _something's _the matter! You've been annoyed with me for the last twenty minutes!"

"Well, I'm overtired, and I get annoyed with who I like when I'm overtired. And I am overtired."

She paused, suddenly awake that she had cut him off. She could tell without looking at him that he was smiling...silently laughing at her, and when she did eventually look across at him she could see that laughter behind his eyes, clear as sunshine in a cloudless sky, the blue of his eyes so clear and bright that it annoyed her even more that she had allowed herself to become so annoyed with him in the first place, when it wasn't anything that he had done at all...

"All this worrying about Grace has worn me out."

She said finally, her voice was quiet and as she spoke she looked down at her hands.

"Better get going then."

He slipped a hand across her own and squeezed gently before glancing to the clock. They were almost half an hour early.

"At least we're not late."

He added, referencing her worries from that morning, and she let out a breath of air from between her lips. This was it, she realised as she allowed herself to smile at him – time to meet Grace.

-.-

Apologies for any spelling mistakes, I haven't quite worked out this new laptop yet and spell checker isn't working!

Anyway, I will update again tomorrow evening. Please review and thank you for reading as always...and Merry Christmas! xxx


	69. Chapter 69

Inside the school building the air smelled unmistakeably of childhood - Of boxes of freshly opened Crayola crayons, waxed hardwood flooring, pages – still warm – from the photocopier, newly sharpened pencils and from somewhere, the smell of lunch cooking.

"I'd recognise the smell of primary school roast dinners anywhere."

Max murmured as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on the balls of his feet.

They stood in reception, a glass screen separated them from the women who bustled about in the room beyond. Max glanced about himself, at the students artwork that had been carefully selected and pinned to the notice boards with shiny gold drawing pins. In one corner was a board with neatly arranged posters – the school nativity, a sponsored walk that had raised over £4,000 and a hand written note to say that a child had lost a Prada coat.

Connie cleared her throat and shifted from one foot to the other, she had never noticed before how much she disliked standing still. A receptionist made her way over to the screen and drew it back. She was a tall wiry woman with a twist of greying hair and equally grey eyes. She peered at them from over the top of her rimless glasses.

"Can I help you?"

She asked, in a voice that reminded Max of so many teachers from his childhood.

"We're here to collect Grace Beauchamp."

Connie spoke quickly though she hesitated once she had spoken. She felt oddly as though she didn't have the right to collect her own child – as if she were causing the staff some sort of inconvenience. The receptionist glanced down to a laptop screen which showed the expected comings and goings on each student over the weekend.

"And you are...?"

She asked without looking up.

"Mrs Beauchamp...Her mother."

The receptionist nodded slowly and typed something into the laptop before looking back up and smiling, an expression which took both Connie and Max by surprise. She wasn't the sort of woman who looked as though she were capable of a real, genuine smile.

"If you'd like to wait here I'll send a message and have her bought right down."

She smiled again and Connie attempted her own tight lipped smile in return. She gave a brief nod of her head and stepped away from the glass as the receptionist lifted the phone to call through to wherever it was that Grace was.

She stepped back and turned to face Max. He looked so out of place, standing there, that she felt a sudden bloom of affection for him deep within her chest, right where she knew her heart to be.

"I'm sorry."

She whispered, and he frowned slightly.

"How I was in the car..."

She lowered her voice.

He shook his head and reached out for her hands, drawing her closer so that their bodies touched and he could wrap both arms about her protectively.

"I love you..."

She murmured as he squeezed her gently. He placed a gentle kiss to the side of her head and ran his hands up and down the length of her back.

"I love you too. Don't worry, no need for sorry's."

He whispered, and as he kissed her again he raised his eyes to the doors behind them, which opened to reveal a small round woman with red hair guiding Grace out to them.

"Connie..."

He murmured, and she pulled away from him, turning in his arms to where Grace stood, her school bag held between both hands in front of her.

"Grace! Sweetheart..."

She exclaimed, though there was an air of tension in her voice, as though when she bent down and opened her arms out to her daughter, she wasn't sure that she would come to her.

But she did. She smiled, she accepted her mothers hug, she said hello, and then she turned her attention to Max.

"Who're you?"

She asked pointedly, though she had clearly seen how close the two of them had been only moments before.

Connie straightened up and smoothed down the front of her coat with her hands. She murmured thanks to the woman who had bought Grace to them, and who now turned to go on her way. She touched a hand to her daughters shoulder and glanced to Max, she was all too aware of the listening ears of the receptionists behind the glass.

"Shall we go out to the car?"

She asked to no one in particular. The air in here seemed dryer than it had done, or perhaps it was just the sudden realisation that this was the moment she had been dreading.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

Grace asked as Max made his way silently to the main door and held it open so that Connie could usher Grace through with a quick goodbye to any staff members that could hear.

"It's just over there."

Connie gestured with a gloved hand to where the car was parked. The rain had lessened and was now but a grey drizzle that fell softly upon their cheeks, wetting their faces without them noticing.

Grace stopped abruptly and folded her arms across her chest, her bag knocking against her knees.

"Mum!"

Max was almost at the car before he realised that both Connie and Grace had stopped, and he looked back at Grace's shout.

"You're not listening to me!"

She looked up at her mother with threatening dark eyes, a look which coupled with the cross of her arms made Max realise just how like her mother she really was...

Connie drew up her shoulders and released a breath before running her fingers across her forehead.

"Let's get in the car."

She said again, and she held her hand out to her daughter, waiting, willing her to take it. And after a moment she did, and Connie led the way over to the car, to where Max waited, the keys within the palm of his hand. He gestured with them, a silent question.

"You drive."

She sighed, opening the door for Grace before slipping into the passenger seat.

Inside the car was silent, only the faint drizzle of rain and the creak of the chair as Max leant back to catch a hold of his seat belt broke the silence.

Connie watched him. He pulled the belt across his chest and pushed it into place with a satisfying 'click'. He glanced up at her, his blue eyes kind in the dull light of the day. He cleared his throat as if he were about to say something, but instead he remained silent, waiting instead for Connie to speak.

"Grace, this is Max."

She said, all in one breath, and she glanced back to Grace in the rear view mirror. The little girl was looking out of the window, but at her mothers words she turned her eyes to the back of Max's head.

"Your boyfriend?"

Grace repeated her earlier question.

Connie touched her tongue to her teeth, suppressing a smile, only glancing briefly up to Max who raised a hand to rub at the side of his head. Something about the term 'boyfriend' had struck her as funny.

"Yes. Yes...my boyfriend."

She looked back at Grace. The little girls expression hadn't changed, but now she turned her head to look out of the window again, her eyes narrowed to see through the hazy glass, fogged and white with condensation.

Connie licked her lips. She felt an uncomfortable void stretching between them, and within herself. It was the emptiness, she realised. The emptiness after so much fullness. She had been so overstuffed for months on end with everything that had happened to her, and with Max...and yet Grace knew none of this, she had no idea. Impressions and changes and newnesses were leaking out of her all over—there just wasn't room in her for all them, but she couldn't tell her everything...she could barely tell her anything at all, except that she loved him.

She felt a dull grind of lack somewhere near her diaphragm, a pain that occupied the space of something removed. A phantom limb. A scratchy hunger. The wasting fatigue of worry that telling Grace that she loved him wouldn't be enough to convince her.

She looked out of the window, up at the sky. She had wanted to go for a picnic, to be out in the open surrounded by nothing at all when she told Grace about Max, and how they were engaged. Now she would have to think of something else. She couldn't do it in the car, she decided, not when she couldn't look Grace in the eye without the distortion of the mirror.

She gave one last look to the trees that swayed – dark smudges beyond the glass. December. It was all things. And it was one thing, like a solid door surrounding the car. Its cold sealed them in a silent grey capsule. December. It was nearly Christmas, a time that rained the moments down, and froze them in her memory. It was a two-faced month, jangling like jester's bells, crackling like snow crust, pure as any beginning, mysteriously familiar yet unknown, like a word one can almost but not quite remember.

"I thought we could go out to eat."

She said finally, and Grace met her eyes in the mirror.

"Can we have burgers?"

She asked. Connie smiled at the simple request.

"Yes."

She said.

Yes, we can have burgers."

-.-

I've had some requests for smut in the next few chapters. Obviously they're meeting Grace at the moment but after that then yes, I promise some more smut and some more fluff (won't be long!) feel free to ask for anything in particular and I will see what I can do! Also, please review, they always make me smile :) xxx


	70. Chapter 70

"I feel like we've gone back in time."

Max said as he took a sip of his drink – Coca Cola in a long rippled glass with a red and white striped straw that had seemed intent on evading his mouth, so he'd removed it and set it down on a red napkin, the paper now damp and dark about the straw.

"You should be wearing a cloche hat."

He added once he'd swallowed. He was nervous – he could feel it in the very pit of his stomach, his left leg jiggled and every so often he felt his knee hit painfully against the leg of the table.

They had found themselves inside a 'retro 50's diner', or so the sign outside claimed. It had been Grace's choice. The floor was checker board black and white and so highly glossed that Max's left shoe had squeaked loudly with every step he took to their table.

There was a long counter near the front window from behind which women in red dresses with cinched in waists and red lips served long milkshakes in even longer glasses – each a pretty pastel colour. Elvis was playing on the jukebox and the chairs that they sat in were stiff backed red leather with one single white stripe across them.

Connie ran the very tips of the three middle fingers of her right hand across her lips. She smiled – a tense smile that never quite made it to her eyes. She looked across the table at him, willing the food to come.

She cleared her throat and turned her head to look to Grace who sat next to her.

"Sweetheart..."

Grace was resting her elbow on the table and gently Connie guided it down with one hand, causing Grace to huff a breath from parted lips.

"_He's _doing it!"

She announced suddenly, sitting straight up in her seat and pointing across the table to where Max was sitting, one arm across his front, elbow on the table so that he could drum the pads of his fingers almost noiselessly against the table top.

"Grace, don't point!"

Connie murmured. A waitress was walking quickly towards them whilst deftly holding three plates across two arms. She smiled a white-toothed red-lipped smile at them and leant – deliberately close, Connie assumed – to Max as she reached over to place Grace's burger and fries in front of her with only a murmured 'excuse me' as an apology.

Connie raised an eyebrow and leant back in her chair, purposely refusing to look anywhere but at the waitress whilst she set a salad down in front of her. She thanked her, despite how she seemed to avoid looking at her, and watched with head cocked at how she placed Max's plate before him, with a little touch to his other shoulder with her free hand, and a smile that would have made Connie all the more enraged had she not had lipstick on her front tooth.

Grace lifted her burger with both hands and held it in front of her, looking at it wide eyed. It was stacked with meat, cheese, and various wilted vegetables sandwiched between the buns and her plate was laden with ribbon thin fries.

She took a bite and out of the other side a slice of tomato slithered and landed 'plop', on the table.

Max caught the flicker of irritation at the corner of Connie's mouth and glanced down to his food. The waitress had retreated from the table, and he'd forgotten to ask for another drink.

"So."

Grace said suddenly, breaking his train of thought, and for a moment he wondered if he had missed part of a conversation.

Grace licked grease from her lips before continuing.

"Are you my Mummy's boyfriend or aren't you?"

She asked, her chin raised ever so slightly with the defiance so often seen within her mother.

"Uh..."

He coughed slightly and looked over his hand at Connie who's own hand had part raised a forkful of leaves to her mouth and set it back down again.

"Yes."

He said finally, realising Connie wasn't going to answer for him.

"Yes I am."

He attempted a smile but instead of a smile it felt as though he had produced some sort of horrendous grimace. He looked back down at his plate. _She's 8!_ The voice inside his head exclaimed. _Or 9...? _He couldn't remember, but whatever the difference this little girl was making him feel a lot more nervous than almost every other female he'd met combined. Bar one.

He looked back across at Connie. She seemed not to know what to do with her hands. She let go of the fork, hesitated, and took hold of it again though still she didn't lift it back up.

"Max and I have been seeing one another for a while now."

She said, speaking mainly to the lettuce.

Grace twiddled a chip around between her fingers before dipping it into a blob of tomato ketchup and biting the end off.

"Actually that's what we'd like to talk to you about."

She cleared her throat yet again and reached out to stroke a strand of hair from Grace's face, catching her attention. She was looking at her now, and within her eyes Max could see a look that he'd never seen from her before – the look of an anxious mother.

"Max has asked me to marry him."

She said, without looking away from Grace's large brown eyes. They sat like that for a moment, just looking at one another, and once again Max wished he'd remembered to order another drink just so that he had something to do with himself.

"And you said yes."

Grace said eventually. Connie looked mildly surprised though she didn't say anything.

"Well, you wouldn't be telling me if you hadn't said yes would you! He wouldn't still be here if you'd said no."

Grace dipped her chip back into the sauce and pushed the rest of it into her mouth.

"Well..."

Connie smiled.

"No that's very true."

She added.

"So! What do you think?"

She asked, exhaling as she spoke, her words thin with strained enthusiasm.

Grace finished chewing and licked her fingers loudly, and again there was the flicker just at the corner of her mothers mouth.

Grace raised her eyes to look across at Max. She looked at his hair, his face, his mouth, and then to his chest, his arms...and then finally up to his eyes.

"I think he looks alright."

She said with a shrug of her shoulders, and Max had the sudden urge to laugh, though he managed to contain it by hailing the waitress that was walking past at that moment and asking for another drink.

"Anyone else?"

He asked as the waitress stopped and he looked across the table as he passed her his glass.

Connie gave a shake of her head but Grace quickly gulped the last few mouthfuls of her milkshake down and held it back out.

"And another strawberry milkshake for the one with the moustache."

He said, reaching out and taking Grace's glass from her to pass back to the waitress. Grace frowned, looking at him with confusion before suddenly realising what he meant and wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her jumper, wiping away the film of pink milk from her top lip.

"I meant about us getting married."

Connie said quietly, bringing the subject back around full circle.

Grace looked again at Max and gave another non-committal shrug of her shoulders beneath the purple jumper that she wore.

"It's cool."

She said simply, and returned back to her burger for a second bite.

-.-

More soon. I hope this was enjoyed? The requested sex scene will be in either the following chapter or the one after that. Please review! :) xxx


	71. Chapter 71

_**A little note to say...**_

_**I haven't given up on this story! I often receive messages asking if I have given up or abandoned a story – the answer is always no! I will never leave one of my stories unfinished! Even if I haven't updated in a while It's still there in the back of my mind, I'm still writing down ideas and odd bits of dialog to include. **_

_**I am ever so sorry that sometimes it takes a while for me to update, especially if I have said in a previous chapter that I will update again soon. I have two children (4 and 3), and a career to juggle as well as writing these stories, so often it's difficult to find the time to sit down and write. But I'm still here :) **_

_**If you ever want to give me a gentle shove to update a particular story (or to shout at me to tell me to bloody well get on with it) you're more than welcome! **_

_**And finally...most importantly THANK YOU for reading them, THANK YOU for all of the lovely, lovely messages and reviews and THANK YOU for being so patient.**_

_**xxx**_


	72. Chapter 72

_Six weeks had passed since their lunch at the diner, and the only word they had received from Grace was an email requesting permission to go on a fourteen day trip to Italy. Connie had spent so many days debating whether or not to allow her to go that she had missed the deadline and, at Max's insistance, had had to telephone the school to give her somewhat reluctant permission._

_He knew why she was worried. Grace would be travelling to the air port about now. Every so often he would catch her looking at her watch, or picking up her phone to check that it wasn't on silent. She was transferring her fears, he'd read about it in the middle of the night when she'd woken him up murmering Grace's name in her sleep. She was scared the coach would crash on the way to the airport, she was worried the plane would fall out of the sky, or that her little girl would be kidnapped by the mafia once they had landed. Every worry ended up in certain death, and though she never voiced them out loud, he knew what she was thinking._

_He'd read so many things in the small dim hours of the morning, woken by Connie's restlessness or her sudden violent thrashing and the soft whimperings that would fall from her lips. In the pale grey light of 3AM he watched her face crumple into a slumbering cry that she seemed incapable of waking from. _

__Nightmares, flashbacks. ___Check. _

_He'd found a list on the NHS website after hours of Googling on his phone until his tired eyes had begun to sting and water._

__Irratability, chronic headpain, anxiety, hypervigilance, emotional overwhelm, depression, lack of interest.__

_Check._

_Though he knew she would never admit to a single one._

_The last note on the list had gained his attention. Lack of interest. Lack of interest in what? It didn't say. Everything, he assumed. But the thought had stayed with him, it had been over two months since they had had sex. He had tried dropping subtle hints, he had tried being more obvious, he had even asked her directly. But she was always tired yet she seemed always in the fog of sleep, or she had a headache..._

_He looked at her now from across the hall. She was standing in the bathroom whilst he sat on the bed. She was standing in front of the mirror, motionless except for the elevated rise and fall of her chest as she caught her breath. She'd been working out again, holing herself up in one of the spare bedrooms where she spent hours of her spare time running on the treadmill until her knees buckled, lifting weights until it physically pained her to undo a jar the next day at breakfast, and working her abdominal muscles so hard that she suffered cramps and pains that caused her to wince every now and then._

__Self-destructive behaviour.__

_He'd forgotten that one. _

_Check._

_She turned from the mirror slowly, drawing in a visible breath and releasing it as a sigh. He wondered briefly what she had been thinking whilst she had been standing there staring at herself. _

_She caught his eye. She was wearing a little black vest top and leggings, her skin was flushed and damp with sweat and her hair was pulled back from her face into a tiny ponytail._

_"Are you gazing at me, Mr Walker?"_

_She asked, crossing the landing towards him._

_She smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Was she doing all of this so that if she were ever attacked again she might stand a chance of fighting the attacker off? Whatever the reason, he knew he couldn't ask, after all, she had been fine for so long...she had convinced herself she was fine..._

_"Can you blame me?"_

_He asked, watching without blinking as she approached him._

_She smiled again and stopped near where he sat on the edge of the bed and opened the drawer of her bedside table, nudging underwear out of the way, looking for something._

_"Grace will be boarding soon."_

_He spoke in an overly cheerful way that made her raise an eyebrow as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye._

_"Mmm."_

_There was the tinny rustle of a tablet packet and she withdrew a strip of cocodamol from the drawer, looked at it, and then tossed the empty sheat onto the top of the bedside cabinet._

_"Headache?"_

_He asked, though she only sighed in answer. _

_He reached out a hand, holding it steady._

_"Come and sit with me. Let me massage your neck."_

_She looked from him to his hand, and then back to his face. He could see the flicker of tension at the corners of her mouth._

_"You don't have t-"_

_"I want to."_

_Still he held out his hand to her. She gave a brief purse of her lips, and then, with yet another sigh, she placed her hand in his and allowed herself to be drawn down next to him, the mattress dipping as she sat down._

_"Let me help you relax..."_

_He whispered gently._

_-.-_

_I'm sorry this has been so long in coming! Your reviews asking for more have been so sweet, thank you so much. I will update again with the age old requested sex scene later today or tomorrow. xxx_


	73. Chapter 73

"What're you doing?"

For several minutes he had been rubbing the skin of her neck, pushing his fingers deep into the swollen knotted muscles that rose stiffly above either shoulder. But now his fingers were slipping lower, searching for the hem of her top. She placed a hand gently ontop of his, turning her head to look at him.

"Just relax..."

He whispered.

"Yes, but what are you doing?"

He rested his chin on her shoulder and sighed a deep whole body sigh.

"Max?"

He raised his eyes to her, heaving himself backwards.

"Just relax."

He repeated, his voice firmer this time. It was either this or give in, he realised, and he wasn't about to give in after so many weeks bereft of physical touch. It was her time to draw in a breath and sigh through parted lips, and relunctantly she allowed him to lift her top, raising her arms to signify that she gave her permission.

He tossed the top onto the chair by the door and turned back to her. Her hands were twisted into her lap and she was looking down at them, lips parted, a curl of glossy brown hair that had sprung free from her pony tail bobbed against her cheek. He hadn't realised she had not been wearing a bra, and her pale freckled flesh seemed luminous in the midnigt glow of the room.

"I should have showered after I-"

"Ar-re you going to let me do this or are you going to keep talking, because if I'm honest, if you're going to talk all the way through this we might as well be watching a film."

She looked up at him sharply, frowning, the tendons in her neck flexing visibly.

"I do not talk through films!"

"Really."

"I don't!"

"_Really?"_

She arced one eyebrow, only just recognising the laughter behind his eyes.

_"_Max, what's he doing? Why is he doing that?! Max, Max what are they going to do now!? Oh...they shouldn't have done that...Max...Max..."

He injected each word with a nudge to her shoulder, grinning slowly, waiting for her to give in to him.

"Oh shut up, absolutely nothing like me..."

She huffed, but a smile twitched the corner of her mouth and though she tried to scowl she had to suck in her cheeks to stop herself from laughing. He shook his head, his grin widening.

"Yeah. Right. So, are we going to do this?"

He asked, glancing to her partially dressed state.

"Fine."

She conceeded with an exhale, giving a roll of her shoulders in an attempt to relax herself.

"Don't sound too enthusiastic."

He murmured, and she fixed him with a look that would make any other man shrivel. Instead he met her gaze with the smile of one who knows the upper hand is his and reached into the top drawer of the bedside cabinet for the jojoba oil he knew she kept there. She folded one leg over the other, foot flexing, showing more leg; yet her face stayed aloof, disinterested, meeting his gaze again as he unscrewed the cap from the glass bottle of oil. A brief stand off of sexual power.

"You could use a manicure."

She murmured as he ran his oil slicked hands across her shoudler blades. He paused, smirking as he felt her shiver beneath his touch.

"Are you complaining?"

He leant closer, deliberately so, the warmth of his breath grazing her neck making gooseflesh rise across her chest, and below, further down he noted how her nipples hardened.

"No."

She said after a pause.

"What is it with women and manicures...an hour and a half of holding hands with a stranger whilst listening to Enya? No thanks."

He leant back, watching how she stiffened as he regained the kneading of her shoulders. Somehow he knew that she had been waiting for him to make a different kind of move altogether.

"Just think of it as added exfoliation."

He said, and she blew a noise of amusement through her lips.

"Exfoliation?! You'll take my skin off if you're not careful."

"Fucking..."

He let out a breath of a laugh before restarting his sentence.

"...there are certainly no splinters in your arse from sitting on the fence... Let me check, actually, just to make sure..."

He crooked a finger into the waist band of her running shorts and let her pull away so that it pinged back against her skin.

"Max!"

She was laughing, the smile that she had been fighting against had broken beautifully across her face and her eyes were shining, glittering like stars just coming out from behind the clouds.

"There it is! I wondered where you had lost it."

She had turned to face him and he let his hands curl loosley into his own lap.

"Lost what?"

She asked quietly, self-consciously.

"Your laugh. Looks like I found it for you."

She paused, her smile faltered and she glanced down between them.

"Max..."

She raised a hand and rubbed at her forehead with the side of her thumb.

"I'm sorry."

She looked up at him quickly, his head cocked to one side in silent question.

"I'm sorry I've been pulling away."

He felt the feather-light touch of her hand against his thigh, her fingertips just grazing him gently, tiny movements over the soft denim.

"I love you so much..."

She kissed him so softly, her lips so warm against his before she pulled away.

"I just-"

"Shh, I know."

He leant his forehead against hers, smiling slightly.

"I know."

She was breathing faster, he noticed, only just noticiable, but it was there, along with the flush of her cheeks, and the tick of her pulse point in the shallow between her collar bones. Her breasts were rising and falling in a rhythm that seemed harder than he remembered to look away from.

She turned gently, curling her legs up onto the bed so that she could curl between his own. She was beautiful...so...beautiful. His heartbeat pulsed in his ears as she touched one fingertip to the collar of his jumper, running one finger, slowly and deliberately, until his eyes fluttered shut and he couldn't help but whisper her name.

Her hands curled into the waistband of his jeans, tugging him closer as she kissed him moving slowly, deliberatelty, his knee between hers, pressing his thigh hard against the soft fabric between her legs, and swallowing her groan of pleasure as she began to move against him.

He cupped her breasts with the palms of his hands, deliciously soft and warm, her nipples hard and vulnerable between his splayed fingers.

His breath was hot against her neck, her palm a delirious torment as it brushed against the growing ache between his legs.

He closed his eyes as she closed hers, escaping together into a world of touch and feel and taste and smell. Her hands were cool on his chest, his arms...lower...he let his eyes close, let his hands relearn every curve, every dip and hollow, his mouth following their path across her freckled skin until they were both breathless and impatient.

When she finally breathed an unsteady, "I want you" into his ear, he felt a quiver go through his entire body, from the soles of his feet to the tips of his ears. A quiver that made a smile quirk his lips so that he was forced to bite the flesh of his bottom lip.

Somehow, he managed to think clearly, somehow he managed to hook his fingers once again into the waist band of her shorts and pull them down, inching them down further over her thighs until she could kick them onto the floor. Did she never wear underwear beneath her gym clothes?! He barely had time to wonder before they were clutching each other again, her back pressed against the headboard, holding their breath as he fumbled with the buckle of his belt, pulled it free, undid his jeans one handed and pushed himself inside her in one quick, hard slide of need and flesh and heat.

"Max..."

She frowned and groaned all at once, tilting her head towards him so that her hair spilled over his shoulder as she exhaled loudly, her hands gripping his hips so hard, leaving tiny smudged bruises across his skin.

They moved together, quickly finding a rhythm that made his vision blur around the edges, but it wasn't enough. It never seemed to be enough, not with her. As much as he would hate to admit it, he wanted to own her, to brand her with his kisses, keep her safe and keep her his all at once. He wanted to be inside her, deeper than he or anyone else ever had been before...

He kissed her hard, so hard that he felt the crush of teeth against his, but still she kissed him back, and in that moment he knew that she felt it too, that she needed him just as much as he needed her.

He pulled her closer, and she let out a strangled gasp as he shifted against her, inside her. She slipped her arms around his neck as her legs wrapped tighter around his hips to urge him closer, deeper...

She slipped lower so that her head was on the pillow, her knees against her chest, legs splayed about him, holding him so tight that it was all he could do not to fuck her senseless. But he held back, stealing himself against that need and drawing it out, for her.

He kissed her neck, biting and sucking gently until she writhed within his arms, gasps catching in her throat and humming on her lips whilst he slipped his hand along the side of her body, crooking his fingers over her hip bone to slide between their bodies, touching her where she was wet and hot so that her thighs trembled either side of him and she rolled her head back against the pillow, arcing her chest against him.

"I love you."

He whispered against her throat, his mouth moments from her pulse point. She rolled her hips and pushed back against his body and his hand, moaning over and over soft almost inaubile murmurs.

"Please, Max, please-"

He was close. He could feel the heady burn of iminant pleasure...so very close. He looked down at her as he thrust into her, watching her face as she teetered on the edge and as she bit her lip a seething soar of raw pleasure began to burn through him like a firestorm, sweeping aside everything in its path. He could feel her movements become more eratic, could see the flush of her cheeks and the sweat across her chest, then she cried out, her hips jerking beneath his with an awkward grace, seeking and finding, giving and taking, drawing him into her further and further until he gave himself over to the mindless rush of release that hit him like a fucking freight train, his body pulsed hotly inside her, her name a broken gasp on his tongue as he found her mouth with his, kissing her as though it could be the last time he would ever kiss her. Kissing her how he wished he could have kissed her the moment he first set eyes on her.

I'm so sorry for the delay, I'm rubbish! xxx


	74. Chapter 74

She sat on the edge of the bed with the sun behind her; the silhouette of a woman against the glass. The sun burnt a brilliant yellow halo about her, her hair glimmering bronze, curling at her shoulders. A haze of pale morning beauty in one moment.

Outside the city was waking with them, cars hummed, the sun poured its lemon light through newly parted curtains, and from next door they heard the soft close of the front door, the crunch of gravel and the purr of a car starting.

She looked up as Max stepped out of the en suite, running his fingers through his damp hair so that it smoothed back from his face.

"You look so different with your hair pushed back like that."

She murmured, watching him as he crossed the room, a white towel wrapped about his waist.

He stopped beside the bedside drawer and opened it, reaching for a fresh pair of underwear.

"It's not a good look, is it."

He tossed her a wink and closed the drawer again, black boxers balled up in his other hand. She really should make room for his clothes...the thought flickered momentarily through her mind.

He'd just showered and his body was still flushed from the warmth of the water and glimmering with a damp sheen that highlighted every beautiful dip and curve of muscle across his chest and arms.

A smile ghosted across her lips but she merely glanced back down to her compact and resumed putting on her lipstick.

"Are you sure you're ready to go back to work?"

He asked, pulling the towel free from his waist and tossing it over the top of the door. He knew how it annoyed her when he left it on the bed.

She paused, the stick of lipstick moments from her bottom lip, watching him out of the corner of her eye – how the muscles in his thighs grew taught and flexed as he bent over, stepped into his boxers, and how, if she leant back ever so slightly she caught the soft rise beneath his boxers as he adjusted them about his waist, letting the elastic of the waistband snap back against his skin.

"There's no point in delaying the inevitable."

She murmured, glancing back to the mirror. She drew the lipstick against her mouth and pressed her lips together.

"I'm sure Hansen wouldn't mind if you needed more time to-"

She looked up at him, a look that was enough to silence him.

"You'll be there."

She said as she slid the lid back onto the lipstick and clipped the compact closed.

"And that's all I need to know that I will be OK."

She added, standing up slowly and reaching out her arms in an invitation that he quickly accepted, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around her.

"Besides we have a few announcements to make."

She murmured against his shoulder. His bare chest was hot through her shirt and she pushed herself closer.

"I think most people already know about us."

He inhaled as he spoke, turning his face in to her neck, breathing in the smell of her in the mornings; the soft sweet powder of her make up, the rich hint of perfume at her pulse points...

"I think we need to make it official...quell the rumours...besides..."

She drew back from him just enough so that they could stand face to face, her arms draped about his shoulders.

"Nobody knows about our engagement, except Rita."

"You want to make an _actual _engagement announcement?"

His eyebrows raised and as he spoke the wet hair of his fringe fell slowly back against his forehead.

"Why not?"

She asked, frowning slightly.

He shrugged.

"No reason."

He paused and hugged her closer so that their foreheads pressed together, she could feel the wet of his hair against her own. Usually she would have pulled away, worried about the perfect curl of her fringe or her make up spoiling, but today she merely drew in a breath and smiled into the space between them.

"I'm glad that you want to...It's almost as if you're proud of me."

He winked again and she breathed a laugh through parted lips.

"I'm so proud of you."

She whispered, unable to stop smiling as he kissed her.

-.-

More soon :)please review ! xxx


	75. Chapter 75

"Christ, I'm glad that's over and done with."

Max sighed as he entered the sitting room holding a mug of coffee in either hand.

"She did take it much better than I had expected..."

Connie glanced up, accepting the stronger of the two coffees and nestling it in her lap.

"Thank you."

She added, feeling the warmth of it begin to emanate through her jumper.

"I was expecting to be banished from your life."

He said as he sat down next to her and raised his right arm so that she could cuddle in against him.

"Perhaps she could see how happy you make me."

she murmured, bringing her coffee up to her lips so that she could blow across the surface,

"I'd assumed it was my effortless charm and brilliant sense of humour, but I suppose it could be that."

He sipped his own coffee, wincing as it scalded his tongue.

"So! Tomorrow..."

He cuddled her closer. She sipped her coffee and swallowed, taking a moment.

"Tomorrow?"

She repeated.

"Tomorrow is D-day. The day we announce ourselves to the hospital. I say we print out T-shirts with each others faces on, and little love hearts all around...what?"

He glanced at her expression, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

"I think arriving together should suffice. Surely there can't be anyone left who doesn't know."

"What about hand holding? Can we hold hands as we enter...present a united front?"

She laughed and tucked her head against his shoulder beneath his chin.

"What? This is an important moment...a porter bagging the clinical lead!? We should at least make it obvious."

He was joking, she could hear it in his voice, but she knew that there was a glimmer of truth in it. That somehow it might make something that would never quite feel real, feel more real.

"We can hold hands."

She smiled against his shoulder.

The next morning dawned. Even before she opened her eyes she could hear Max downstairs making breakfast. She squinted, slowly easing her eyes open. Everything was so pleasant with the sun shining through the windows and the plates making a cheerful sound as they were washed.

She stretched one long big satisfying stretch that made her yawn before relaxing and rolling onto her back. She closed her eyes again. She still felt the pull of sleep upon her, an exhaustion settling within her bones as though she hadn't even slept at all.

She ran a hand across her face. From downstairs she could hear Max talking to himself, and the sound of the kettle boiling.

She yawned again and glanced to the clock. 7:27.

It took every ounce of strength to convince herself to get out of bed, and even then she was still yawning as she stepped into the bathroom, showered, brushed her teeth, and by the time she finished she slumped back down onto the bed, exhausted.

Even the wet hair that she had towel dried didn't seem to bother her as much as it usually did.

She drew in a breath, heaved herself up from the bed and began to get dressed. She thumbed through her underwear drawer. She wanted to wear something to please Max, to give him something extra to look forward to when they got home. She chose the black lace underwear, with the bra that was such fine lace that you could _almost _see through it.

And then there was everything else. White shirt, black skirt, and feet slipped into Louboutins. Feet that moved oh so slowly to the top of the stairs, taking each one slowly, cautiously, as though she didn't trust the vaguely faint feeling within her thighs.

But it was at the bottom of the stairs that she felt worse. The smell of coffee seemed stronger somehow, and when it hit her she recoiled, feeling a lurch of nausea roll through her empty stomach.

She steadied herself against the stair rail, holding onto it until the nausea had dulled so that she felt able to enter the kitchen.

"Morning beautiful."

Max turned from the kettle, smiling at her. He was dressed and ready, a plate of half eaten toast on the kitchen table. That was something she had always wondered about, how he could leave toast to go cold so that he could make another drink, or go to the toilet, and then come back to eat it.

"Are you alright?!"

He deserted the two mugs of coffee on the side and came to her quickly.

"You're pale. Even your lips are pale?"

He was helping her into a chair before she'd even realised it.

"I don't think I had enough sleep."

She said, pushing her middle and index finger into the skin between her eyebrows and rubbing gently in circles. A headache had started up behind her eyes. Perhaps she was getting a migraine? She'd had a few as a teenager, and her symptoms felt oddly familiar.

He stood next to her without saying a word, just stroking his fingers through her hair.

"I've made you a coffee, that'll perk you up."

He made to move to get it but she took hold of his hand.

"I don't think I could."

She murmured, the mere thought of it making her feel as though she might be about to throw up.

"Just some water...please?"

She added as an afterthought, before he could say anything.

"Then we can go."

-.-

More soon x reviews welcome as always! xxx


	76. Chapter 76

He reached out for her hand the moment they got out of the car, encircling her palm with his, holding her tight as they walked towards the hospital entrance.

It was an unusually still day. The sky was a clear pale blue and though still cold, the sun shone down upon them as though it were guiding them on together in it's lemon yellow path.

It seemed such a long time since they had walked through those double doors on a normal morning for a normal shift. It seemed so alien, in fact that, as they passed through the doors, that Connie felt the flicker of nerves that she had felt on her very first day.  
"Morning Mrs Beauchamp!"

It was Noel who was the first to greet them with a nod and a frown all at once. He glanced to Max with a shake of his head, noting their interlinked hands with nothing more than vague amusement.

"You're a jammy one you are."

He murmured, looking again to their hands and to Connie as though he were trying to work out if it were really her.

"Connie!"

Charlie exclaimed as the lift doors opened to their side, revealing him.

He stepped out, glanced down to the floor and tucked a patients notes under his arm so that he could reach out for her.

"Good to have you back. We've missed you."

He spoke quietly, his hand warm upon her arm.

"Ah, it's good to be back. I'm surprised the place is still standing."

She smiled warmly at him, her eyes laughing. She looked beautiful in that moment, and Max couldn't help but purse his lips against the bubble of pride that welled up within him.

Charlie's lips downturned in amusement.

"I think Dylan will be glad to hand the reins back over."

He said softly, gesturing to the doors before them.

The three of them fell in to step with one another as they made their way onto the ward.

The air was full of antiseptic and the sterile smell of the cleaning trolley that was making it's way between beds, the wheels squeaking, the rod of the mop rattling against the metal handle.

It felt odd to be holding hands, to be standing their on the ward holding hands with Max...Max the porter...after everything that they had been through.

Dr Knight glanced over at them, then did a double take from the nurses station, looking from Connie to Max and to their hands as though he couldn't quite fit the pieces that he was seeing together as a whole.

"Dylan's in his office if you want to...sorry, _your _office, if you want to take over now?"

Charlie nodded in the direction of her door, she followed his gaze, feeling the slight wobble of doubt creep through her chest.

"I'll head off and get started."

Max murmured, interrupting her thoughts, glancing behind himself to see how busy the ward was.

"As long as you're alright?"

He added when she failed to look back from the office door.

"Oh, I'm fine."

She let her eyes move slowly from the office door to meet his.

"I'll see you around..."

She said slowly, laughter behind her eyes. He grinned and rolled his eyes.

"She's keen to get rid of me."

He tossed Charlie a look as she nudged him gently with her elbow. He relaxed his grip on her hand and made to pull away but she tightened her grip and arced one eyebrow, looking at him pointedly.

"Forgotten something?"

She pressed her lips together slightly, head lilted to one side in silent question.

He hesitated, not quite sure of what she meant.

The flutter of a smile twitched the corner of her lips and she leant in and kissed him gently on the mouth.

Charlie glanced down, smiling, waiting whilst they said their goodbyes and Max departed with a sigh against her lips, reluctantly letting go of her hand as he left.

"Well! It certainly looks as though you two are getting on well."

Charlie moved by her side as they made their way to the office.

"He's asked me to marry him."

She said quietly so as not to be overheard.

"I assume you said yes?"

"I did."

She bit the flesh of her bottom lip against a smile and he squeezed her gently on the arm, his face alight with happiness.

"Congratulations."

He patted her arm before letting go. She smiled and glanced down between them.

"Who'd have thought it hey, Mrs Beauchamp and the porter?"

He murmured quietly. She laughed and shook her head.

"Certainly not me."

"Well I'm happy for you. Really happy."

"Thank you, Charlie."

She looked up again.

"Now, go and get installed in there and I'll bring you a coffee, I'm due a break."

She hesitated, she had surprised herself by managing to quell her nausea so far, but now, with the mention of coffee she could feel the tightening of her stomach again.

"Perhaps a peppermint tea?"

She asked, feigning nonchalance.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Feeling ok?"

"Just a bit of a headache, I'll be fine. First day nerves."

She added with a wink.

"Ok..."

Charlie gave a brief nod of his head and retreated whilst she slipped into the office.

She was relieved to discover Dylan wasn't there. She let herself fall back onto the sofa under the window, leaning back, exhausted already, and to add to that her feet were throbbing and hot. She raised one leg, twisting her ankle from side to side, noting with satisfaction how the light caught the sleek black shine of her Louboutin's.

With a sigh she let her leg drop and her head loll back against the seat. A cramping pain twisted through her right side, low down in her pelvis. Just painful enough to make her wince and shift positions so that she was leaning back even further, and she pushed her fingers into her side and let her eyes fall closed but a dull ache at the very base of her spine began to niggle away at her.

With a long sigh she shifted forwards again, sitting up and resting her elbows on her knees, her face in her hands, pausing before heaving herself up from the sofa and making her way towards the desk. Upon it was a neat, ordered pile of papers awaiting her signature. She drew her fingers across the very top one.

_Time to get back to work._

She murmured, fingering the edge of the paper, her eyes glancing at the patient name, the day, the date...

She hesitated. It was the 22nd.

Charlie knocked quickly on the door before pushing the handle down and peering in, gesturing with the take away cup.

"Just what the doctor ordered."

He said, pushing the door to behind him and setting it on her desk.

A smile of thanks fluttered across her lips, a look of vague confusion behind her eyes.

"It's the 22nd?"

She asked, unsure whether she was asking a question or just merely stating a fact.

Charlie raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly.

"What happens on the 22nd?"

He asked.

"Oh! No, nothing!"

She exhaled suddenly, mentally shaking herself. She reached out for the tea, made to pick it up and then set it back down again, choosing instead to sit down and reach for a pen.

"Thank you, Charlie."

She murmured, moving the paperwork neatly in front of her.

-.-

To the guest who asked for a smutty scene between Max and Connie where they are caught/nearly caught. Brilliant idea. I will write that next for you and put it up later today!

Any preference as to who catches them? xxx


	77. Chapter 77

"Right, let's keep pushing the bloods please, she's bleeding out here."

The lights in RESUS were fierce and yellow overhead. The monitors bleeped, rubber soled shoes squeaked upon the floor.

"I can't see above the anurism. Could you just.."

Connie leant over the patient; a woman in her early 30's with hair the colour of straw that hung in one long plait off the end of the bed.

She gestured for Robyn to adjust the lighting.

"That's it, thank you."

She murmured as Robyn reached up.

"Right, got it, cross clamp please?"

The clamp was placed in her hand, and without taking her eyes from the incision she inserted it successfully.

"More suction?"

"BP is improving."

Robyn said glancing at the monitor.

"Urm, right, sorry, could you get me a-"

She turned suddenly and gestured to her forehead, she was clammy and beaded with sweat. The hand that wiped the sweat from her skin surprised her. Max's hand. She hadn't noticed him come in.

"You ok?"

His voice was low and quiet.

"Fine."

She paused looked at him, his steady eyes, his beautiful face. How she loved him...

"I'm fine."

She repeated, more gently this time.

"Ok, there's still a lot of back bleeding. Right, let's run two units of FFP and one unit of platelets please, Stat."

She raised her eyes from the incision

"Could I have another clamp, please?"

She reached out as Robyn passed her one. The metal was cool in her hand, and she wondered briefly how it would feel, ice cold clamping about an artery.

"Ok, she should stabilise now."

She watched the monitor, shaking the thought from her mind.

"Right, ok, Dr Chao can I leave you to close?"

She asked, waiting as Lily manoeuvred herself between the bed and the instrument trolley, her blue gloved hands held before her.

"Certainly."

"Just keep her monitored..."

She said as she turned, pulling her gloves from her hands, shrugging herself free from her apron and pulling the mask from her face. She dropped them into the bin, beside which Max was standing, leaning against the wall, feet and arms crossed, a smile upon his face.

"Still got it Mrs B."

He whispered, pushing himself from the wall to press his body against her side.

She smiled and shook her head.

"Are you going to stand by and watch me all day?"

She asked, still smiling.

He shrugged and fell into step next to her, exiting through the double doors.

"I had a break."

"And you couldn't think of anything better to do?"

She asked, tossing him a sideways glance, catching his grin.

"There's something sexy about you in theatre."

He said, ignoring her question.

She laughed a deep but quiet laugh from within her chest.

"I don't believe a word of it."

She murmured.

"What! Authoritative, focused...not to mention you're in there saving somebody's _life_! Trust me, it's sexy."

"I'll take your word for it."

She sighed, enjoying the banter and the warmth of his arm against her own as they walked the corridors towards the ward.

"Thank you. Now. Can I get you anything for lunch?"

He asked, holding a door open for her.

"This seems to be a very long break you're having."

She laughed, raising an eyebrow as she slipped beneath his arm and the door swung silently closed behind them.

"Yeah, well, I'm engaged to the boss, I hardly think-"

"Max!"

She stopped abruptly so that he walked into her, steadying himself with his hands on her hips.

"I'm joking! I'm joking..."

He sighed, kissing the side of her head before she could react.

"Anyway..."

She paused, swatting him away.

"I'm not hungry."

"You didn't have breakfast, have something at least?"

He pushed his hands into his pockets as they entered the ward. Again the bleating of machines and the murmur of voices and hurrying of bodies greeted them as it had done that morning.

"Uh..."

She pushed her fingers into the space between her eyebrows trying to think of something that didn't make her feel more nauseas than she already did.

"Salad? A bagel? One of those posh pots of green stuff you like?"

"Max..."

She opened the office door and gestured for him to follow her in.

She sighed. Salt, she fancied something salty she realised.

"Could I just have a packet of crisps?"

She asked suddenly, oblivious to his look of surprise.

"Crisps?!"

He repeated, the tone of his voice making her look up.

"The red ones."

She added.

He seemed to smile and frown all at once.

"You never eat crisps?"

"I just fancied them."

She said quickly, and again his forehead creased and he touched his tongue to his top lip before speaking again.

"You sure you're alright?"

He asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Mmm."

She murmured, glancing away, suddenly wishing that she hadn't said anything at all.

"Connie? Look at me?"

There was a look on her face that he didn't recognise. One twisted with anxiety and worry, and the desperate need just to say it, whatever 'it' was.

She looked up at him hesitantly.

"Run those symptoms of yours by me again?"

He said slowly, quietly.

"Oh I really don't think-"

"Come on Connie..."

She swallowed but remained silent.

"Exhaustion, nausea, you're off your food, your coffee...you 'just fancy' crisps...?! I'm no doctor, but..."

He paused, half expecting her to say something, instead she just stood before him, her pretty eyes wide and scared.

"I'm late."

She said quietly.

"My period, I mean...I only realised today. With everything going on I hadn't realised..."

"Wow..."

He stepped backwards, towards the sofa.

"Wow."

He repeated, sitting down stiffly.

"Have you done a test?"

"No! No..."

She answered quickly, and he watched her as she sat down next to him.

"But you have the-"

He did a circular motion with his hand.

"Coil?"

"I know..I...It could have come out? Dislodged? I don't know."

He nodded slowly.

"How do you feel about it?"

He asked finally.

"I think we should do a test first, before we talk about that."

"But if you are, and it sounds as though you are...how do you feel?"

She paused and looked down at her hands.

"Terrified."

He sat watching her for a moment.

"What about you?"

She asked, finally turning to him.

He drew in a long breath and leant back against the sofa, holding out an arm for her and waiting until she had settled back against him before answering.

"It's not what I was expecting...or what I'd planned..."

He rested his cheek against the top of her head.

"But I love you."

He whispered, and he felt her smile against his chest.

"I love you, too."

She said quietly.

He nudged her chin gently with his free hand so that she looked up at him, her face close to his. He pressed the end of his nose gently against hers and moved his face back and forth in an Eskimo kiss before dipping his chin and kissing her on the lips, gentle soft-lipped kisses that made her sigh and lean into him.

"I'll pick you up a test."

He whispered. She kissed him in response, feeling an overwhelming urge to keep him close, to have his arms around her, to be protected by him.

"Hold me?"

She murmured, feeling the brush of his lips against her own.

He pulled back slightly to look at her, how she didn't bother to veil her vulnerability when he looked at her, but instead allowed him to see it, to know how much she needed him in that moment.

With feather light touches he drew the hair back from her face and pushed it behind her ears. He smoothed the stray strands from her forehead and curved the tip of his thumb along the rise of her cheek to the curve of her jaw and the corner of her mouth that twitched at his touch.

He kissed her again, with more purpose this time, his lips firmly upon hers, leaning back against the sofa, easing her closer until her legs slipped about his and she was sitting in his lap, his arms holding her close.

He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his fingers in her hair, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest.

Unexpectedly, his hand drifted to her hip. It settled there and pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply. She was against his warm chest, feeling each soft ridge of muscle tighten beneath his T-shirt. Must he be so perfect? She splayed her hand against it, intending to push him away, but instead she left it there. His breath was against her mouth, pausing, and he looked up at her. It was in these moments that he loved her with his eyes as much as his body.

"I love you."

She said again, so faintly that the words were whispers. She urged herself to push away, but couldn't, instead she rolled her hips into his lap and gasped as she felt him jerk against her beneath his trousers. Her body began to tremble uncontrollably. His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips touched her neck, sucking on skin behind her ear, travelling kisses to her collar bone whilst his hands held her at the waist, urging her more tightly against him as he shifted beneath her, subconsciously thrusting up against her as she moaned and clutched at his shoulders, letting her head fall forward against him, her eyes tightly shut.

"I need you."

She whispered suddenly, with more intent than either of them had expected.

"We can't, not here."

She was reaching down between them, tugging at the buckle of his belt, loosening it with a jingle of metal and the slap of leather.

"Connie..."

But the words were lost when he noticed how her skirt rode up to show the black curve of her underwear, how she eased the button of his trousers open and pushed down the zip, slipping trembling fingers into his boxers to meet with the hot hard flesh she found within, tugging him gently free.

He glanced to the door, to the partially closed blinds.

"The on call room?"

He offered, amused by her eagerness.

She shook her head, circling his cock with her hand and running it up to the tip where she slipped her fingers over the smooth skin, over the wetness there making his breath catch before raising her hips only ever so slightly, pushing her underwear to the side and rolling her hips against him, guiding him into her all the way so that he jerked violently, sitting upright suddenly and taking hold of her.

"Fu-uck.."

He looked down between them, breathless, his chest heaving, his hands on the arc of her back, his eyes on the sight of her slipping down the length of him, grinding against him.

A movement between the blinds of the door caught his eye, a shadow stopped and a knock sounded before he could say a word.

"Fuck!"

He hissed again as she stopped abruptly, her face turned to the door.

The knock sounded again, sharper this time.

"Just a minute!"

She called out, her voice catching

-.-

I stopped it here just in case anyone had any preferences on who they wanted to walk in on them...? Let me know! Xxx


	78. Chapter 78

She gripped hold of his shoulder, raising herself up, pulling back whilst he zipped up his jeans. But in her haste to get off the sofa the heel of her shoe caught in the buckle of his belt and she slipped backwards, his hands grappled for her, slipping uselessly over the thin cotton of her clothes and the softness of her hands, only gripping her as he was tugged to the floor with a bump, one hand flattened behind her head on the carpet, her shoe swinging from his belt buckle whilst her bare foot was propped up awkwardly on the seat of the sofa behind him.

The moment she hit the ground she covered her mouth with her hand, letting out an alarmingly loud snort of laugher which stopped abruptly as the door swung open.

"Mrs Beauchamp, I-"

It was Charlie's voice that they heard first. Max looked up abruptly whilst Connie twisted her neck to look back to the open door where Charlie stood, looking at them with raised eyebrows, Dr Knight just behind him, shoulders touching, mouths open.

"Are you OK?"

Charlie asked without thinking, taking a moment for the realisation of what they had been doing to dawn on him.

"Sorry, sorry..."

He raised a hand to rub at the back of his head before they could answer, clearing his throat once, twice, before averting his gaze whilst Cal stood, frozen, his eyes upon Connie – the flush of her cheeks,her bare thighs and the pool of her skirt about her waist, almost, but not quite revealing herself entirely

"Were you two...?"

Cal began, but a sharp noise from the back of Max's throat interrupted him.

"Uh..."

"I think we should...go."

Charlie was turning in the doorway, a hand on Cal's chest to force him backwards.

The doctor gave a shake of his head and swallowed, turning his attention from Connie to Max as Charlie guided him back through the door.

"I'm impressed Maximilian, very impressed..."

"Oh come on!"

Charlie interjected, taking a grip on the door handle and glancing back to where Connie and Max lay, crumpled and unmoving except for the flicker of suppressed laughter behind their lips.

"This is a hospital, remember. I thought you of all people would know better than to..."

He paused, gesturing with his hand, his cheeks flushed pink as he struggled to look directly at Connie.

"Behave like that."

He concluded, bringing the door closed behind himself.

It was Max who exhaled first, looking down at Connie whose eyes were squeezed shut beneath her hand.

He grinned slowly, noting the blush of her cheeks that had crept to her chest.

"I think we've made their day."

He said quietly, easing his hand out from beneath her head and flexing it before prising her hand from her face and hauling her up despite her groan of embarrassment.

She glanced down to where her shoe dangled limply from the glinting metal of his belt buckle.

"If anything this looks worse than it would have if they'd walked in when we were on the sofa."

He murmured, pulling the shoe free and passing it to her, biting his lip with amusement as he waited for her to look back at him, to meet his eyes.

"How does this look worse?!"

She exclaimed, dropping her shoe to the floor and slipping it back onto her foot before adjusting her clothes.

"This looks like we started on the sofa and I was fucking you with such wild abandon that we fell onto the floor."

She laughed suddenly, loudly and unexpectedly, a laugh that turned into a giggle that she couldn't seem to suppress and once again ran a hand over her face.

"Well! At least we don't have to worry about any big announcements. I'm pretty sure it will be all over the department by now."

He nudged her affectionately as he spoke and she let out another whimper between mirth and horror.

"It would be Cal who opened the door...And Charlie! Charlie...Oh God."

She wailed and covered her eyes, allowing herself to be guided back into his arms.

"I'm sure there is nothing he hasn't seen."

"That doesn't help."

She said from behind her hand.

"Sorry...What would help?"

He asked, stroking her hair.

She sighed and let her hand drop between them, looking at him with laughter behind her smile.

"Crisps."

-.-

Rest assured Cal will be ribbing them about this again in the furture...! Please review and as always thank you so much for the continued support! next update will be up by the end of the day xxx


	79. Chapter 79

Back at home the sky was a peaceful grey and the air left behind from the setting sun was cool, but not unpleasantly so.

Little glimmers of light flickered across the kitchen wall, glinting against the surfaces as a car here and there moved slowly past the house, and inside the room smelled of slow cooking stew and potatoes that were roasting a golden yellow behind the glass of the oven, the saucepans on top giving a constant gentle bubbling hum.

Connie leant her head back against the wing of the arm chair nestled into the corner of the kitchen, her feet tucked up under her, a cup of ginger tea between her two hands.

She was staring, staring at nothing but the white curl of steam from her mug that was smudging everything else into the nothing.

The sound of a key in the door was the only noise to break the moment. She glanced up towards the kitchen door, catching the glimpse of the front door opening and closing, and the sound of Max's feet brushing against the doormat before he appeared, unzipping his coat.

He stepped from the dimness of the hallway into the lit kitchen, his cheeks were flushed from the cold, his blue eyes glittering brightly.

"I've got the test."

He said, shrugging off his coat and folding it over the back of a chair before pushing his hands into one of the pockets.

"How many did you get?"

She asked, uncurling, setting her mug down on the little side table nearest to her. He set the white cardboard packet down on the table.

"One packet of two?"

He paused as he bent down to untie his shoes and slip them off, scrunching his sock-clad feet against the cool tiled floor.

"Why, how many were you planning on doing?"

He raised his eyes to look at her across the room. She looked peaceful, snug...glowing.

"Two is fine."

She said, easing herself out of the chair as though it took great effort to leave it's comfort.

"Nervous?"

Her face was pale as she made her way over to him, wrapped her arms about his neck and cuddled into him, grateful for his strength and solidity.

"Mmm."

She sighed into him, inhaling the smell of him, filling herself full of him and smiling against the rise and fall of his chest.

She felt safe for the first time in so long, despite the flutter of nervousness within her chest and the very pit of her stomach.

"Are you going to do it now?"

His voice vibrated in his chest and his breath tickled the hair at her ear.

"No time like the present..."

She said slowly, drawing herself back from him with a sigh and glancing to the white box on the table.

"Do you want me to the bathroom with you?"

"No. Yes!"

She said both so quickly that she may as well have said them both at the same time.

"Which one of your answers would you like me to take?"

He stroked a hair from her face as she glanced down between them, smiling softly.

"Not while I..."

She waved a hand.

"Just...oh come on."

She picked up the pregnancy tests before she could think again and gestured with a nod of her head to downstairs cloakroom.

She faced him, his back to the open door, the toilet behind her.

Her hands trembled as she opened the packet, the rustling of wrappers overly loud in the small room. She pushed the packaging into the bin and handed him the tests whilst she sat stiffly on the toilet.

He passed back the test and averted his eyes, staring blindly at the radiator whilst she did it.

He looked at the pale sage green of the wall, the paint in the pores of the plaster, the white ceramic of the light switch, the oak of the door frame sullied with thick swirling knots.

"Done."

She clipped the end back onto the white stick and held it out for him, waiting whilst he inhaled sharply, breaking his stare and taking it from her, looking down at it whilst she readjusted her clothes, flushed the toilet and washed her hands before turning back to him, looking at him again with those wide eyes and lips that hesitated to speak.

Without a word he flipped it over so that she could see the result.

"It's positive."

He said quietly when she didn't say anything.

She looked from the test to him and back down again, smoothing her still damp hands on her skirt.

"Oh God, I'm too old!"

She exclaimed so suddenly that it made him laugh out loud before he could stop himself.

"Whatever is Grace going to say?!"

She left the room as she was speaking, murmuring under her breath things that he didn't quite catch.

"Connie?"

He followed her into the sitting room. She was pulling off her top over her head, discarding it onto the chair by the wardrobe. She unzipped her skirt at the back and let it fall to the floor so that she stood in nothing but her underwear.

"What're you doing?"

He spoke loudly, interrupting her thoughts as she reached behind herself to undo her bra.

She stopped, looked down at herself and let her hands fall to her sides.

"I don't know?"

She looked down at herself, and then all in one motion reached out again for the top and skirt.

"Connie."

He caught her hand as she moved, holding her steady.

"I'm as freaked out as you are!"

"Are you?"

She looked up at him, the hazel of her eyes almost yellow-green under the light.

"Yes. I'm just not taking all of my clothes off for no reason."

She attempted a laugh.

"Come here."

He drew her in, holding her, hugging her tight, kissing her hair and running his fingers over her back.

"Here, put this on, we'll go downstairs, I'll cook you dinner and we'll talk this through, OK?"

His voice was quiet but firm, as though he knew exactly what to do to make everything perfect.

"Ok."

She whispered.

-.-

I'd love to hear what people think about Connie being pregnant? Are you pleased? Or would you rather she wasn't?

A girl or a boy?!

:) xxx


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